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"Mad Jack and Jerry James square off this weekend, and the loser will no-doubt feel the sting of utter humiliation worse than being dissed by Bufu, or kicked in the face by “Big John,” or battling a hangover produced by the consumption of too much Stroh’s Light and Krystal’s following a night of “striking out” at Bonnie & Clyde’s"

 

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 16: ROUND TWO of the BDCS – Battle for the Grand Daddy

It’s an ALL HAND (and not that one) Big Daddy Bowl:

The end of 2009 has brought an end of Bullet’s year long celebration as the BDFL Champion (see the inaugural Grand Daddy vict’ry tour), but not an end to the “Reign of the Hand’s.” That’s right. A “Hand” will be crowned as the 2009 BDFL Champion following the Big Daddy Bowl this weekend. Chris Hand, aka The Commissioner, advanced to the finals with a thrashing of the defending champion Benton Bullets, 45-25, in the semi-final round of the Big Daddy Championship Series. As the 8th seed, and actually the 12th best overall point-total team in the BDFL this season, the Cool Springs Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) continue their “fluke of the universe” run down the stretch. Now hitting “Secretariat” type strides the old Commissioner looks hard to beat in a ‘winner-take-all’ game for the big prize… the Grand Daddy. Forty-five points also earns the Grenadiers the Top Dog award for Week 16, and the Commish can only hope he didn’t peak too soon. Or that his words from last year don’t come back to haunt him, “its not good for the integrity of the league for the 8th seed to win.” [Note: That cheer you heard was most of the BDFL Rank & File celebrating the fact that they won’t have to deal with Bullet as Champion for another year.]

Youngest Hand Back in the Big Daddy Bowl:

It has been awhile, but Jaimie Hand is back in the Big Daddy Bowl (a place where he has known only inglorious defeat in years past). The Black Creek Wooden Warriors powered past the 3-time champion Riverchase Cheetahs in Round Two of the BDCS. The Sin Wagon picked a bad time to pick up the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award with a paltry 9 points in the semi-finals. So, their quest for an unprecedented fourth title will have to wait for at least one more year. Meanwhile, the Tribe is smokin’ the peace pipe and shaking the tom-toms as their war path to the Championship has just one more hurdle… older brother Chris. Newsflash: There will be a first-time champion in the BDFL this season. Yes, it is a lock. Both Jaimie and Chris have been “original” BDFL franchises that have thus far failed to win the “big prize.” Members of the Null Set Club, but one will walk away with the title this Sunday and get to wrestle the Grand Daddy out of the cold, dead hands of Bullet, but will still “keep it in the family.”

Gamblers Bounce Back – Subdue Woo:

The Woo Crew folded like a cheap tent in the BDCS this season. The Woosiers were run out of Biloxi this weekend by the Gamblers. “Big Head” Breal rebounded from a dreadful performance in Round One, by subduing the Woosiers at The Grand, or Beau Rivage (who knows?). The Dixie Mafia succumbed to the Commissioner in the first round, but was not going to be denied against the Smoke Risers in the Sky. In the final weekend of the season, the previously Top Seeded Gamblers will get a shot at the Magic City Mayors in an epic battle for 5th place.

Mayors Rebound with Win over Sloths:

The Mayors advanced to that 5th place showdown by downing the Lake Cyrus Sloth Monsters 26-12. Mukes and his Three Toed Tree Dwellers (it never gets old) just couldn’t ‘get a grip’ against the Cronies. I mean, how could they? They only have three toes, no index fingers, and no thumbs, and are basically just trying to hold onto the Miller Lite they have in their ‘meat hand.’ Anyway, the vict’ry is bittersweet for Lowrey Langford, who even incarcerated, had a chance at the Grand Daddy trophy this season, and will have to settle for something much, much less, that’s the $3 Bill Bowl, and a shot at 5th place.

Big Mullet Wrapper:

The “King of the Mullet Series,” Jon Wood, continues to roll in the place he feels most comfortable. Wet, slimy, and a bit distasteful, the North Canton Bootleggers win again in the “loser’s bracket.” It always helps to be matched up against the BDFL’s Biggest Loser – the Fighting Slovaks. Actually, the EuroTrash Talkers put up a little bit of a fight against the Big Block Dodge, before being run over and run back to Helena’s Joe Tuck Park. The Brookside Dogs are whimpering down the stretch, with evidence of that being clear in their loss this past weekend to a ‘bunch of girls.’ Allyson put her Pasadena plans on hold long enough on Sunday to dispatch Mark’s Mutts in a game that was not as close as the score would indicate. Now, in the bottom of the Mullet Series Bracket, and that is way down with the catfish, and the shrimp, and the bottom dwellers, the woeful Pasco County Wizards upset the Mean Machine; and the dreadful Druid City Blitz beat the BioCats.

Former Roomies Set to Battle in the Toilet Bowl:

The two teams that had high-enough point totals to qualify for the BDCS, now find themselves in the 2009 “Toilet Bowl.” The Fairfield PowerSleds and the Rocky Ridge Wildcats should have made the Big Dance, but were denied because they had losing records (see the Bullet Rule). And now, with two-game losing streaks in the Big Mullet Series, the former Alabama roommates find themselves matched up for the inglorious award of last place in the BDFL. Mad Jack and Jerry James square off this weekend, and the loser will no-doubt feel the sting of utter humiliation worse than being dissed by Bufu, or kicked in the face by “Big John,” or battling a hangover produced by the consumption of too much Stroh’s Light and Krystal’s following a night of “striking out” at Bonnie & Clyde’s.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week I:

Here is another “officially sanctioned” use for the trophy; as a Beer Mug. If you plug the ‘air holes’ carefully, and remove the BDFL championship list inside, the Grand Daddy makes a pretty good Beer Mug. (It will hold a whole six pack of Bud Light.)

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week II:

Once filled with beer, the Helmet O’ Silver may also be used to toast the holidays, New Year’s, etc. In this photo, the Defending Champion Benton Bullets toast a year of celebration (The Grand Daddy tour) that will likely not be equaled for a long time in the annals of Fantasy Football (especially by his brothers in 2010).

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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