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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 1

“Look how wrong you can be,” Rod Stewart (Faces) from ‘Every Picture Tells a Story.’

Much maligned on Draft Night, the Benton Bullets came out firing during the Opening Week of the 2007 BDFL season, and shot down the Wooden Warriors in a shootout in a neutral site game in Nashvegas at the phantom home-field of the Father Ryan Fighting Irish.  (Uncle Bullet and Uncle Jaimie were north of the border to check out nephew Frank Hand in the purple pants, purple jersey, and silver helmets.  Just imagine Minor High School gone disco, and also – with fellow BDFLers Chris and A.E. to catch the Tide at Bryant-Denny Stadium-North.)  The Bullets were led to vict’ry by the New Orleans Saints defense, which may have given up 41-points to the Colts, but scored a wily dozen for the Boys from Benton, who entered the game at as unbelievable and insulting 6½ point underdogs.

“Ya’ll cheered him.  I booed him,” Jaimie Hand’s famous quote about Art Clarkson when the Birmingham Barons played the Atlanta Braves at Rickwood Field and Clarkson put fans on the warning track where a ball was inevitably hit, for an inexplicable ground-rule double.  Eli Manning of the Tribe had 4 TD passes in Week One, but 3 of them were to Plaxico Burress of the Bullets, which negated Hime’s gain, and now Eli “get you cotton-pickin’ hands off my gin” may be out for a month.

“I want to announce my presence with authority,” Ebbie Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh to catcher Crash Davis (Bull Durham).

The Commissioner scheduled himself – or his Nashville Scorchers, er Green Springs Grenades – against an expansion franchise in Week 1 of the BDFL season, and the move paid immediate dividends.  Not that the DCH Regional Medical Center Blitz didn’t just roll over and take it.  The Druid City Blitz put up 37-points, but that was not enough to handle the Commissioner, who has announced his presence with authority as the Nashville Cats go for their first-ever BDFL Championship with a solid effort in Week 1.

“Monday, Monday.  So good to me,” the Mamas and the Papas (circa 1969).

In the first Monday Night Magic installment of 2007, the Smoke Rise Woosiers got 12-points from the Baltimore Ravens Defense on Monday Night to come from behind (imagine that) to defeat the not-in-Bristol Bootleggers by one.  The Wood Brothers are not carefully reviewing WARTS – Woo’s Acurate Real Time Scoring – just to make sure they didn’t get hosed.

“I moved all my things up to Tennessee.  But, Nashville didn’t do a thing for me,” Dreams So Real.

The Jugtown Juggernauts also visited Music City, USA on Saturday before returning to Gardendale and then to Brookside on Sunday to deliver an old-fashioned Terry Tarence A.W. to the Brookside Dogs.  Mark Mutt’s picked up where they left off last year, with the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” firmly in their grasp.  Meanwhile, the ‘Nauts look like a contender (as predicted by the BULLETIN’s pre-season publication) in the Yellow Hammer Division and in the BDFL at large.  Allyson must have picked up some tips Saturday from Trawick.

“Close but no (Tampa Nugget) cigar.”

Jeff Park’s Tampa Tarnishers barely escaped the Toilet Seat honors for Week 1, as they scored one point more than the Dogs, but one point less than the Helena Fighting Slovaks.  The party was still going on at press time in Bratislava where Adam Slo is celebrating revenge for last year’s playoff loss to the 9th place Tarnishers and living the dream that the Kick Off Ca$h Hand-Slovensky curse is still alive.

“I’ll be in Burrrr-Men-Hammm tonight,” Telluride.

The Magic City Mayors may be playing their last season in the old Gray Lady on Graymont Avenue, with the new city leaders trying to up the rent at Legion Field, but the Old Cronies plan to go out in style (or pass more left-wing taxes to cover their losses).  The Fairfield Power Sleds fell victim to the fired up Mayors in Week 1.  However, the Sled Heads have no plans to go quietly in 2007.  They’ve hired Edgar Winter and Ozzie as personal trainers to help them rebound next week.

“You got to roll me, and call me the tumbling dice,” the Stones.

The Gulf Coast Gamblers are 1-0 on the new season after a visit to Silver Lakes over the weekend.  The Sloth Monsters were no match for Kenny B’s hot hand rolling 7’s and 11’s.  It’s okay though, Mukes and Albert are headed to Tunica to “re-group” for Week 2.

“Cat Scratch Fever” Ted “NRA” Nugent.

The first cat fight of the 2007 BDFL season ended with the Riverchase Cheetahs edging the Rocky Ridge Wildcats by a claw, 29-24.  The Bulletin was unable to gather any details after being escorted from the proceedings for violating the local “touch-and-go” policy.

“George’s getting upset,” Costanza speaking of himself in the third person after hearing a lot from ‘chucker’ and higher jumper Jimmy who had the new training shoes that Kramer wore that made the Velvet Fog, Mr. Mel Tormey think he was ‘gifted.’  What?!  Did you think the Bulletin would close without a Seinfeld reference?

Quote of the

Week

"In the first Monday Night Magic installment of 2007, the Smoke Rise Woosiers got 12-points from the Baltimore Ravens Defense on Monday Night to come from behind (imagine that) to defeat the not-in-Bristol Bootleggers by one."
 

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