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"Tampa Bay has nothing on Mobile Bay," an elated Kenny B said just moments after his big vict’ry over the Pixie Dusters sent Parks and his ‘so-called’ entourage back to Gator Country crying like Tim Tebow"

 

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 14: BDCS Set - The Final Quest for the GRAND DADDY

Mayors Put A.W. on Sloths to Advance to the Big Dance:

What a week, to have a week. With the pressure on, and the walls of their 8 x 10 jail cell closing in, the Magic City Mayors “found the magic” in Week 14 to put an A.W. on the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters, and at the same time pick up vict’ry number seven, and secure a place in the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS) that begins this week. The venerable, and dis-honorable Lowrey Langford may be locked-up, but he is still a powerful force in Birmingham politics, pulling the strings from behind bars. This weekend, the Mayors made “All the Right Moves” (Ted Cruise, Chris Penn high school football movie from the 1980s) to subdue the Three Toed Tree Dwellers and to ensure that their high-level point total would get them into the Big Dance, something that can’t be said for everyone.

Sleds Get Derailed:

After making it to the finals – the Big Daddy Bowl – last year, and just coming up short against the Benton Bullets, the Fairfield Power Sleds were focused on getting back to the Championship Game, and making a statement. However, despite a nice, high, point total this season, the Mean Machine will NOT be going to the BDCS. Yes, the Bullet Rule got them. Mad Jack’s “Steel Force From Fairfield” got upended in Week 14 by the Smoke Rise Woosiers, and finished below 500. Now, the Mean Machine will be relegated to the Big Mullet Series, where they will be huge favorites. But, that is favorites to sling a slimy, wet Mullet, instead of hoisting the most famous trophy in fantasy football… The Grand Daddy. As for the Woo Crew, they await the Big Dance with their sites set on knocking off the defending champs who ousted the Woosiers in last year’s semi-finals.

Wildcats Eliminated from BDCS by Commissioner:

Jerry James’ long-shot gamble to make it to the BDCS came up one-win, and a few points short in 2009. The Cool Springs Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) got a big, regular season-ending vict’ry over the Rocky Ridge Wildcats on Sunday. The loss ended the competitive phase of the season for the BioCats. As for the Commissioner, it may have vaulted him into the Big Dance in a ‘fluke of the universe’ type of situation. The Bulletin is still crunching the numbers, and reviewing the latest WARTS report. However, it looks like old Iron Hand and his rag-tag Grenadiers may have slipped into the BDCS. The Commissioner is safely over the Bullet Rule, but the old Bullet Rule jumped up a bit the Sleds, Wildcats, Dogs and Wizards… enabling the 12th highest scoring team – the Grenadiers – to qualify in the 8th and final spot in the Big Dance. Confirmation from the league office is pending. But let’s just say the Commissioner knew the scenarios before the final weekend, and all the dominos fell into place.

Dixie Tops Pixie - Gamblers Surge Down the Stretch:

What is NOT pending is the top seed in the BDCS. That will be the Gulf Coast Gamblers. The Dixie Mafia surged down the stretch to a winning record, and to take over the Top Spot in the overall point total category. Old “Big Head” Breal finished the regular season with an emphatic A.W. of the lowly Pasco County Wizards, 45-21, in Week 14. “Tampa Bay has nothing on Mobile Bay,” an elated Kenny B. said just moments after his big vict’ry over the Pixie Dusters sent Parks and his ‘so-called’ entourage back to Gator Country “crying like Tim Tebow.” Just think, earlier this year, the Gamblers lost to the lowly Slovaks in the – now famous – “What’s an A.W. game?” Now, they are the top seed in the Championship Bracket. As for Parks, he returns to Tampa Bay with his tail between his legs and awaiting next year in the BDFL and the Bucs 2010 season, where events are planed to celebrate the 22-year anniversary of his only NFL reception (for 22-yards).  He already had his ‘parking pass’ for the K-mart adjacent to Raymond James Stadium, where he also plans to park to watch his beloved War Chickens on New Year’s Day in the Outback Bowl. Word is; he is one of the finalists to participate in the two-headed coin toss.

Sin Wagon Sinks Slovaks:

Speaking of Slovaks, the EuroTrash Talkers finished the regular season on a familiar note… losing to the Cheetahs. ASlo did keep it close, going down by only 13-points to the slow-rolling, three-time champion Sin Wagon. As for Butch Neal’s Cheetahs, they benefited from a couple of teams finishing below the Bullet Rule, to claim a spot in the coveted “winner’s bracket” where they will attempt to win three straight games to add to their three BDFL Championships.

Woodies Whip Nauts:

The Black Creek Wooden Warriors won a lot of games in ’09, and have earned enough points to make an appearance this season in the BDCS. The Tribe closed out the regular season with a road, “home” game at Ed Bruce Field at Driver-Rocket Stadium against the Juggernauts. A.E.’s “bunch of girls” once again fell below double-figures and locked up another “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award. The ‘Nauts have been terrible all year, but consistently terrible. As for the Wooden Warriors, they now approach the post-season in the Big Boys Bracket this time around, and the BDCS has been a veritable ‘Indian Graveyard’ for Kawliga and Company low-these-many years, with failures-a-plenty in the Big Daddy Bowl for Hime. This year, maybe, just maybe, the Old Indian Chief can reverse that trend.

Dogs vs. Blitz Goes Down to the Wire:

The Dogs entered Monday Night Football, trailing the Blitz, 13-11, and needed just three points to rise above the Bullet Rule, and earn a spot in the BDCS, and potentially end their futile, 14-year losing streak. With only one receiver playing on MNF, the Brookside Dogs were shut out and lost to the Bloody Red Baron by two. The defeat was crushing. A win would have pushed Mark’s Mutts to 7-7 and over the 500 mark and into the Big Dance, but alas it was not to be. The Dogs will be “at home” in the Mullet Series, and watch their losing streak continue and officially call the George Costanza “opposite” drafting strategy – like Costansa himself – a failure. “This was supposed to be the ‘summer of George.’”

Bullets and Bootleggers Tie 22-22 in Honor of Mark Ingram (and Johnny Musso & Tony Nathan):

The North Canton Bootleggers easily had the lowest point total for the 2009 regular season in the BDFL. However, they never quit. The Whiskey Runners closed out the season with an overtime upset vict’ry against the Benton Bullets. For the Defending Champions, 2009 has been a roller coaster ride, and we’re not even talking about “on the field.” The Bullets have been overburdened with the inaugural vict’ry tour with the Helmet O’ Silver – The Grand Daddy. The Champs – as the first wielders of the hardware – have taken it all over the Southeastern United States. They have set the bar incredibly high for the next champions, which may be the Bullets. The old Bullerino has his folks poised for a repeat as the ‘unofficial’ 5th seed.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 1: Approved Uses

With the BDCS set to begin, the hallowed trophy may soon change Hand’s. With that in mind, the benevolence of the Grand Daddy must be upheld by any future champions. Here is an officially sanctioned use for the trophy (see photo). Keeping it on ice in a deep freeze is acceptable due to its Stanley Cup (hockey) heritage. It may also be used as a beer cooler. You can sit on it if you ever go ice fishing.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 2: Unapproved Uses

With the BDCS set to begin, the hallowed trophy may soon change Hand’s. With that in mind, the benevolence and reverence of the Grand Daddy must be upheld by any future champions. Here is an improper use of the Helmet O’ Silver (see photo). It may never, ever be used as a flower pot, or planter. The Bulletin is not sure what happened here, but the evidence points to Bullet’s wife, who thought the trophy would make a good vase/flower pot/planter.

THE BULLETIN / THE GRAND DADDY (2009) photo album: (These pictures can still be found online thru the back issues of The Bulletin – see links at top, right of this web page.)

Week 1: TGD @ Bryant-Denny

Week 2: More at Bryan-Denny: Bullet kicked back ‘smoking’ a cig / Willie Wyatt

Week 3: TGD tailgating in T-town / Jaimie & Bullet with Bronskies at Va. Tech game

Week 4: TGD @ Selma’s Edmund Pettus Bridge / BDFLers at KY / Bullet with FRHS Leprechaun

Week 5: TGD three photos @ Rebel Stadium in Hayneville – Home Field of the Benton Bullets

Week 6: TGD as a beer cooler

Week 7: TGD as a pirate (for Halloween)

Week 8: Milton Hand with TGD / Commissioner as Cisco (the truck driver)

Week 9: TGD @ Benton Lake / TGD @ Benton boat launch on Alabama River

Week 10: TGD on the mantle / TGD in “good Hands”

Week 11: TGD @ the beach / Hand’s at Bryant-Denny; (Bama 45 – UTC 0)

Week 12: BDFLers at Lee County Stadium (Bama 26- AU 21) / TGD @ Benton train depot

Week 13: Hand’s at SEC Championship at Ga. Dome (Bama 32 – UF 13)

Week 14: TGD in freezer (sanctioned use) / TGD as planter [unapproved use] 

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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