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"Old Kawliga may just be an 'old wooden head', but he still has twice as much sense as ASlo"
 

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By Bob Bullet

Week 5: Five fingers reaching for The Grand Daddy

Mayors Score 42 to Put A.W. on Sleds

Although the Fairfield Powersleds scored 21-points this weekend, they were destroyed by one of their own. That’s right, His Majesty, Mr. Mayor Lowry Langford, used to call Fairfield home, and now he’s kicked back, smoking a Cool, and talkin’ ‘bout the A.W. his Cronies put on the Mean Machine in Week Five. As for Mad Jack, he took the loss in stride, got off 20/59 at Avenue E in Ensley and got a ‘big ol box of chicken to eat’ to ease his troubled mind. Meanwhile, the Mayors are still celebrating.

Bullets Shoot Sloths

In a Miller Lite Match that the networks were all vying for, the Benton Bullets welcomed the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters to Rebel Stadium* (see below) in Hayneville for a pivotal BDFL game. And, then the Bullets turned on the Three Toed Tree Dwellers with both barrels. The recoil gave the Defending BDFL Champions a slight push back, but nothing like the Buck Shot that hit old Mukes.  After they revived the Son of Slim, he was speaking some gibberish about dancing on the pool tables at Harry’s, eating potato chips, and drinking milk, and yelling ‘the sombitch is open’ every time someone knocked on his apartment door.

How about some top billing for the Dogs?

This is actually close enough to the lead. Well, the Brookside Dogs finally got into the win column this weekend, by staring down the Gamblers in an old fashioned Texas Hold ‘Em game at the famous Wayne’s Place in downtown Brookside. The “Dixie Mafia” could not get Kenny B. (and his big head) out of this one. The Gamblers suspected they had been cheated (no kidding), but could not come up with any evidence that was visibly conclusive, thus they get a loss to the once-beleaguered Dogs.

Mildcats ‘Spread’ Dead Against ‘Nauts

Just like the Aub offense that couldn’t run a quarterback sneak, because they couldn’t get a snap from center, because they don’t practice that sort of thing in Lee County, the Rocky Ridge Wildcats could not get their four-receiver-set (Spread) to work at all against the Jugtown Juggernauts. Allyson’s “Bunch of Girls” came with the Viper and then the Cobra blitzes and pressured the BioCats into one-mistake-after-the other, in route to a big, 31-17 vict’ry.

Wooden Warriors Pound Not-So-Fighting Slovaks

Old Kawliga may just be an “old wooden head,” but he still has twice as much sense as ASlo. The Wooden Warriors proved it this weekend by pounding (ACME wet sand) the EuroTrash Talkers, 36-29. Actually, the Slovaks scored more points than they are accustomed to, but still wound up on the wrong end of yet another BDFL contest. Hime’s Tribe is riding high after Week Five, hoping and praying that the weather doesn’t start turning cold. Adam is hoping that the Jonas Brothers will come to Alabama Adventure this summer.

Grenadiers Fall to Woo Crew

Tommy T.’s woebegone Woosiers took their act ‘North of the Border’ into Tennessee (not Cullman County) this weekend and taught the Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Grenades) a lesson in BDFL-logic. Although, out thinking the Commissioner isn’t the hardest thing to do, the Woo Crew confused Chris with motion (they ran away from the man-in-motion every time), and twins set, and an 8-man-front, in route to a six point vict’ry on the Banks of the Cumberland. Afterwards, Chris found the Ed Bruce Winning Football handbook/playbook, but it was too little, too late.

Cheetahs Edge Wizards

Jeff Parks (figuratively, of course, because he would never actually come back to Alabama or participate in a sanctioned BDFL event) took his Pasco County Wizards into South Birmingham (read Valleydale) this weekend, where he was “man-handled” by the Cheetahs, which is NOT always a bad thing. Anyway, when the smoke cleared (actually it never did) the Sin Wagon had rolled over Merlin, stripped him of his pride, and taken a number of his ONE$.

Bootleggers (Do Not) Earn Toilet Seat Award While Blitz Wins

Surprise, surprise… here’s the Bootleggers again, sucking hind tit on a boar hog. The Woods Brothers got out of the garage just enough this weekend to make it to the bathroom, where they laid claim to the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award (Not really, but we hate to mess up a good story). The BDFL’s only Yankee Franchise got just 17-points and were over-run - in Blitzkrieg fashion - by the Druid City Blitz. Afterwards, Jon Wood hung around yuppie-spangled Homewood to have a few Samuel Adams’ with Jerry “the host with the most” Fritz.

Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 1:

*The Grand Daddy visits Rebel Stadium in Hayneville, home of the Defending BDFL Champion Benton Bullets, prior to this weekend’s game vs. the Sloth Monsters. Allen Johnson (the original go-get-me-suck-buddy) brought Bullet and Mukes plenty of Mountain Dews.

Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 2:

The Press Box at Rebel Stadium in Hayneville may read, “Home of the Rebels” for Lowndes Academy, but the mascot also serves a duplicate roll for the Benton Bullets. NOTE: Lowndes Academy (AISA) is in Lowndesboro, but they play their games in Hayneville. Then Bullets hail from Benton, but also play their home games in Hayneville, on the very same field where Preston Gothard and John Causey once played and the site of the Civil War battle (won by the South) that you won’t find in any hist’ry books

Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 3:

Little Leaguers practice at Rebel Stadium

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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