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"Unbelievably, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers were able to 'hold onto' vict’ry over the Commissioner. Unbelievable, because they don’t have thumbs, nor index fingers. Hence, the 'three toes' - Amazing. But, I’ve never seen him drop a beer"
 

The BDFL from A to Z

Back Bull 2009

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 3: Any True Candidates for The Grand Daddy this year?

Come on Feel the Noise

The Mighty Metal Heads, also known as the PowerSleds, the Mean Machine, and the Sled Heads cranked up the first A.W. of the 2009 BDFL season, with a convincing win over a bunch of girls (Jugtown Juggernauts) this weekend. Mad Jack’s descending demons are turning back the calendars with performances this year that are reminiscent of the League’s younger days. The Mean Machine was way too much for the Rice Rockets this weekend, sending A.E. back to the Honda plant in search of a different kind of hybrid.

Gamblers Roll Tumbling Dice

“You got to roll, roll me, and call me the tumbling dice,” Mick and the Stones blared in the background as the Gulf Coast Gamblers coasted out of Smoke Rise on Sunday afternoon with a clutch Red Neck Division vict’ry over the Woosiers. Tommy T.’s borderline Bullet-obsessed* Bumpkins were taken to the nearest Hayden woodshed by the Dixie Mafia in Week 3, and made to like it. “Thank you sir, may I have another,” echoed Woo in his best Kevin Bacon imitation. [*Note: Tommy T. is obsessed with the Benton Bullets losing games (which didn’t happen this week), and not winning the hallowed “Grand Daddy” again this year, to the extent that he is keeping up with the Bullets more than his own team.]

Thank you Mr. Schedule Maker, May I have another?

The defending BDFL Champions – the Benton Bullets – who are the first team to hoist the Grand Daddy trophy, and parade around the Southeast with it like a Dixie version of the Stanley Cup – picked up their first win of the 2009 season by defeating the not-so-Fighting Slovaks, 13-9. Yeah, that’s right, 13-9. The Slovaks captured what is sure to be the first-of-many “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors, while Bullet was grateful to just get his first “W” of the season, and now set his sights on repeating. “Thank goodness for the Slovaks,” said Bullet (and so did Woo – quoting Bullet in emails and in cyber space).

Dogs Bark at Hole, Again

Nothing seems to be going right for the Dogs (unless you count the fact that he got out of the banking business before it went down the tubes and was able to take over a business from his wife’s family, so everybody in Talladega can call him “Big Boss Man”). Well, nothing in the BDFL at any rate. Dog, looking to end 14-years of frustration, came up with a George Costanza “do the opposite,” on draft night, and so far it has faired about as well as a latex salesman at a Hawaiian Tropic convention (without any of Sonny Bowen’s daughters). The Dogs were sent away from Fultondale with nothing more than a whimper by the Wooden Warriors. So, with their tails-tucked-between their legs, Mark’s Mutts stumbled out of Black Creek, through Crocker Junction, over Cat Mountain, across the Five Mile Creek and past the railroad tracks to the proverbial Dog House in Brookside.

Cheetahs Outrun Bootleggers

Somebody clocked a couple of Cheetahs at a zoo the other day, and proclaimed that they are the fastest animals in the world. Duh. Glad we have people around to solve problems like that. In the Fantasy world, the Cheetahs also do a pretty good job. This weekend in the BDFL, Butch took his felines on a reconnaissance tour of Ohio, and dropped in long enough on the North Canton Bootleggers to steal some singles, and a couple of cases of home brew, not to mention a vict’ry in the BDFL.

Nailbiter I: Wizards Win One Over Wildcats

During the great Pasco County, Florida, flood of 2019 (it’s coming – and it’s less than 10-years away) the remnants of the Wizard’s basement treasure will be found, or so says the prophesy. They’ll be shoe boxes full of wet cash located, tip sheets found, Vegas medallions uncovered, and a hidden altar to Pat Dye and Neil Calloway (who will become the winningest coach at UAB that year) unearthed in the mud and rubble. What will not be found are any photos of Parks at BDFL events, drafts, or holding ‘The Grand Daddy’ cause it ain’t gonna happen. However, during the present reign of Obama the First, the Wizards did manage a two point win over the Wildcats, who can’t manage to harness any of the Vestavia Hills high school success for his lab coat crowd.

Nailbiter II: Blitz Edges Mayors

The Magic City Mayors bent on revenge for losing all of the Alabama games to Tuscaloosa, ventured over to T-Town this weekend looking for some payback. But, in the end, just like losing the Bama contract to Bryant-Denny over an upper deck-less Legion Field, the Cronies were quickly swept out of Druid City by the Blitz (albeit by only one point). Jerry Fritz, a.k.a. the “host with the most,” celebrated by grilling out steaks, popping the top on a couple of Lowenbrau’s and hob-knobbing with several of his yuppie-spangled friends in his summer home in Homewood.

Nailbiter III: Sloths Overcome Commish in Overtime

In the closest game of the weekend, Michael Hewlitt Dismukes, aka Mukes, Son of Slim, etc., took his hopes and dreams to Nashville (along with some Miller Lites on ice) this weekend to take on the Cool Springs Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades). Unbelievably, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers were able to “hold onto” vict’ry over the Commissioner. Unbelievable, because they don’t have thumbs, nor index fingers. Hence, the “three toes” - Amazing. (“But, I’ve never seen him drop a beer.”) The game was actually tied at the end of regulation, but the Sloth Monsters were able to claim the game in overtime. The Commish couldn’t do anything but shake his head and hope that his alter ego, radio and Internet, and self-proclaimed Fantasy Guru, Chris Hanson, had a better weekend.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week:

The Grand Daddy pauses for a photo opportunity before commencing with tailgating activities prior to the Alabama vs. Arkansas game on September 26, 2009.

Photo of the Week; Part 2:

Trailing Va. Tech at halftime, and after instituting the Charlie Bradshaw maneuver, Jaimie and Bullet come up with the “perfect plan” to get Alabama the vict’ry at the Second Annual Chick-Fil-A Kickoff Classic in Atlanta. The Crimson Tide is undefeated at the Dome with the two brothers sitting together, tailgating prior to the game, and ‘working out’ halftime strategy – see 1999 SEC Championship Game, Clemson, and Hokies. (Not pictured: Mr. Coach Nick Saban Sir, just out of the photo before getting advice from the Hand’s).

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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