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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 14
December’s Decision Sunday...and Monday

“Do you still remember, December's foggy freeze when the ice that clings on to your beard is screaming agony.” Jethro Tull (Aqualung).

“Do you remember, the way it was then in December” unknown from the 1970’s perhaps, Earth, Wind, and Fire.

“Too many chiefs and not enough Indians,” anonymous (but probably by a famous football coach)
[In John Facenda – NFL Voice of Doom: “With their backs to the wall, needing an improbable victory on the last weekend of the regular season to secure a spot in the BEE-DEE-ef-el playoffs… the Black Creek Wooden Warriors ventured into the bowels of Fairfield, underneath the gloom of night, and the shadows of steel foundry smoke stacks to take on the once proud Mean Machine – the Power Sleds. And, on this canvas, Jaimie Philip Hand, painted a masterpiece; one of the truly best, pressure-packed vic-tor-ies in the long and agonizing history of Chief Kawliga and Company. A history of agonizing failure on the BEE-DEE-ef-el’s biggest stage. Perhaps erasing some of the sting of Big Daddy Bowl collapses, the Tribe dug deep to earn a spot in the Big Daddy Championship Series with a convincing drama-laced victory. BO-CEE-PHUS scored 46-points in the vic-tor-eee and earned ‘Top Dog of the Week’ honors picking up win number seven to claim the Green Horn Division Title and advance to the Big Daddy Championship Series.”

“This is the end, my only friend, the end,” The Doors: Jim Morrison – Mr. Mojo Risen
The Benton Bullets needed 11-points on Monday Night Football to capture a Week 14 win – for their 7th of the season – to move into the BDCS and avoid the rule bearing their name… the dreaded “Bullet Rule.” Twas not to be. The Bullerino got a 31-yard interception return by former Alabama DB, #41, Roman Harper for the Saints for 6-points, but former LSU WR Devery Henderson’s long and lone reception ended outside the “shadow of the goal line” leaving the Bullets short and cast off into the Mullet Series for the first time ever. Meanwhile, chalk up another vict’ry for the Rocky Ridge Wildcats, who will enter the BDCS as the Number One seed – the Head Honcho, Numero Uno, Captain of the Ship, Master and Commander, the Big Cheese, the Knight in Shining Armor.

“…back room, alley, trusty woods.” Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet (how ironic) Band – “Night Moves”
Who benefits? Woo benefits. Despite the 15th best point total in the BDFL, (that’s right: next-to-last in the 16-team league) the Smoke Rise Woosiers are going to the Big Dance. So, much for “rewarding mediocrity.” This is rewarding ineptness. And, how do you think the Magic City Mayors feel? Lowry Langford’s Cronies are out building a dome with hand saws, particle board, claw hammers, and peanut hulls and this is how they are rewarded. The Mayors subdue Woo 31-22 in Week 14 and finish 50-points ahead of the Crew, but are relegated to the Mullet Series. On the bright side, they will be the number one seeds over there. “I used her. She used me. But neither one cared. We were getting our share, working on the night moves.”

“Dance, dance, dance the night away” Van Halen
Two teams going dancing in the Big Daddy Championship Series tuned up in Week 14, with a good-old-fashioned score-a-thon down in Gulfport, Mississippi. In fact, the Green Springs Grenades and the Gulf Coast Gamblers had the fences rattling all weekend in their no-holds-barred home-run-derby tournament that featured Haitian Blue Dots and Kegs of LaBatt’s Blue. When the “Dialing 8” was done, the home standing Gamblers were the last team left standing. They got the BDFL vict’ry, but it was tainted by the Commissioner’s urinating down the steps at the Kenny B. home. Whether this effects the Commish getting another trip to Lambeau Field has yet to be seen.

“You can dance. You can jive. Having the time of your life,” Abba
You can rap or wear you hair up, if you’re the Fighting Slovaks or the Jugtown Juggernauts. The last weekend of the regular season held no pressure as these two opposites attracted to do battle down at Joe Tuck Park in Helena. The Nauts – cruising into the post-season (for the first time in recent memory) did not ‘bring their A-game’ and wound up losing to Adam Slo and his Eurotrash Talking Slovaks by nine. The Slovaks will now try to avoid their choke job of a year ago, that opened the way for the Tampa Tarnishers to steal the title, not to mention end (apparently) the 1980’s Kickoff Cash Slovensky-Hand curse.

“It was like going through a flabby armed, spanking machine” Kramer on swimming in a pool with geriatric exercisers
Mukes’ Sloth Monsters fell flat and got spanked in Week 14 and slid to the dreaded 6-8 mark to miss the BDCS. The Three Toed Tree Dwellers absorbed an A.W. at the hands of the Rookie Druid City Blitz, who will also be home for the holidays. Well, actually in the Mullet Series, which is kind of like going to Shreveport with Bullet, Jaimie, and D.K.

“Well you’re dirty, you’re sweet, clad in black, don’t look back and I love you” T Rex
The Riverchase Cheetahs are in the BDCS despite getting the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award in Week 14 by losing to the lowly Bootleggers. The Woods Brothers are headed to the Mullet Series with the worst point total maybe in BDFL hist’ry. They didn’t even pass 300, and got passed for last on the regular season’s final weekend by the Dogs. The Heart of Rock and Roll may be in Cleveland, but so is this year’s official Bottom Dweller.

“You bunch of mullets!” Max Sanderson.
Comfortably in the Mullet Series Bracket, even well before the end of the regular season, the Brookside Dogs and the Tampa Tarnishers at least gave the scoreboard reason to light up – like a Christmas tree – in Week 14. Mark’ Mutts and Parks’ Pixie Dusters put up 75-points on the final weekend to give their fans some hope for 2008. In fact, the Dogs are one of those teams that nobody in their right mind wants to play. Oh, it’s not that they don’t think they can beat the Dogs – far from it. It’s just that no one wants to go to Brookside, and not even turning the once-typhoid Five Mile Creek into a recreational haven is going to change that as long as you have John Foster, Dodie Goode, Dwight Slowees, and Booger Bass hidin’ up in the hills.

Quote of the

Week

"The Three Toed Tree Dwellers absorbed an A.W. at the hands of the Rookie Druid City Blitz, who will also be home for the holidays. Well, actually in the Mullet Series, which is kind of like going to Shreveport with Bullet, Jaimie, and D.K."

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