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"It is quite well documented how bad the Dogs are with Mark’s Costanza Draft Strategy (doing the opposite) exploding in his face, kinda like pancakes exploding in your stomach"
 

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 6: A Six Pack Chillin’ in The Grand Daddy*

Slovaks Slaughter Woosiers with Monumental A.W.

“My dad told be to draft Tom Brady,” said Adam Slovensky. And, after five weeks of average play from Brady and the Patriots, they exploded against the Tennessee Titans (apparently, the former NFL franchise). The Pats beat the Titans/Oilers in AFL throwback uniforms, 59-0, and the Slovaks slaughtered the Woo Crew almost as bad. The EuroTrash Talkers hammered the Hayden Haymakers 51 to 29 in what is being called a “monumental A.W.” The Woosiers were the official home team, but the game was played at the susposely neutral field at Alabama Adventure Theme Park. This left the Woosiers at a slight disadvantage, but not enough to explain away this A.W. However, the game was upstaged by an act known as the Backstreet Slovaks that performed after the slaughter.

Gamblers Grab Sloths by the Throat

Sipping on a Six Pack at the start of Week Six, the Sloth Monsters were stopped in their figurative couch potato tracks on Sunday by the Dixie Mafia. The Gamblers came up from the Gulf Coast and managed to strangle the Three Toed Tree Dwellers on Muke’s home field (not to be confused with “Home Field” package store). Big Head Breal and his Blackjack Crew doubled-down early and often against the Sloths, and it paid off with a vict’ry where they double-up the Sloths, 38-19.

Wizards Win One

No, Jeff Parks was not on the field Sunday, as the Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans lost 59-0. It only seemed that way. However, in Fantasy Land, where you can stay in the basement away from your wife and daughters and dream dreams, and write prognostications… Parks had a pretty good week in cyber-land. Parks’ Wizards put an A.W. on Mad Jack’s PowerSleds right in the shadow of Southern Electric Steel. It was apparently an ‘off’ week for the ominous cloud that normally veils the PowerSleds in Metal Mania. The Mean Machine was exposed this weekend and taken to the woodshed by Merlin and Company for a computer-aided, matrix-type A.W. (but still an @$$ whipping nonetheless).

Wooden Warriors Rally on Monday Night

The Wooden Warriors entered ESPN’s Monday Night Football game in need of seven points to defeat their brother, the defending – and two-time BDFL Champion – Benton Bullets. They got that many and more in route to a come-from-behind win over the mighty Bullerino. However, they also captured the Scott Hunter/Dan Reeves “Bonehead of the Week” award by leaving the Denver defense/special teams “on the bench” as the Broncos (in some hideous throwback uniforms) scored 24-BDFL-Points with long, long, kickoff and punt returns. Kawliga’s celebration was tempered, to say the least, in what could have been a Heinz-57-Point effort.

Other Hand Brother Wins Too

It certainly is news these days when the Commissioner beats anyone. But, it was his turn as the “schedule-maker” dialed up an easy win for Old Iron Hand, by matching him against the Brookside Dogs. “My team sucks,” said Dog, just minutes before the Bama-South Carolina game in T-Town. (Yeah, Dog and Mad Jack actually tailgated with the Hand’s, Maxwell’s, and Slovensky’s this past Saturday – although Mad had to have a Bud Light, instead of a Stroh’s Light.) It is quite well documented how bad the Dogs are with Mark’s Costanza Draft Strategy (doing the opposite) exploding in his face, kinda like pancakes exploding in your stomach. At any rate, the Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) will take the win since he hasn’t had many this year, and his beloved Titans have had none.

In OT, It’s the Bootleggers over the Mayors

When the Bootleggers and Mayors crossed the finish line on Sunday afternoon, it was a “dead heat.” Even the “photo finish” pictures were inconclusive (upon further review). So, to the Bulletin’s knowledge, the first Fantasy-santioned, race-off in NASCAR, Winston Cup hist’ry took place, with the Big Block Dodge edging out the Cronies for the win. The Wood Brothers celebrated in Vict’ry Lane with Champaign and beer showers, while the Mayors went to court the next day on charges of bribery, extortion, tax-evasion, lying, tampering, mail fraud, contempt of court, perjury, resisting arrest, failure to launch, jay walking, speeding, driving without a license, and malicious intent to do wrong. If the charges are dropped – which the Mayor expects – planning for the 2020 Birmingham Olympics will resume post haste.

Naut Not Enough Against Cheetahs

The Bra/Rice Burners were incensed, disappointed, and discouraged with the steps backward that her gender has taken over the last 10-20 years over on Valleydale. However, when Cheetah-man, Butch Neal, explained the economic surge that Sammy’s has had for many of its finest over the years, the Juggernauts were quickly quieted. The Sin Wagon also quieted the Nauts on the gridiron this weekend, topping the Rice Rockets (who were not topless) by an even dozen.

Blitz Overrun by Wildcats

The Fritz Gritz Blitz left the yuppie-spangled comfort of Homewood to travel to Vestavia on Sunday, and couldn’t tell the difference. While checking and re-checking his GPS in his gray Volvo, Fritz was blitzed by the Wildcats, 26-6. While the loss was just one point short of an A.W., it felt like one to the Blitz. The half-dozen points (read 6 in Week 6) earned Jerry Fritz – not James – the ignominious “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award. As for the “James Gang” they continued to revel through the weekend with wins Friday night (Vestavia Hills Rebels over Hoover), Saturday night (Bama over S.C.), and Sunday (BDFL: Wildcats over Blitz).

Grand Daddy Photo of the Week:

*Throughout the year, the BULLETIN will give its readers and BDFL franchises creative – and League-approved – ways to use The Grand Daddy trophy (should someone other than Bullet actually win the trophy in future years – it is obvious that he knows how to display it, travel with it, and organized parade, and photo opps, etc). The Ultimate Prize of Fantasy Football – The Grand Daddy – is not designed for a trophy case or permanent fixation on a mantle (even though those are “approved” uses). It is to be, quite frankly, flaunted. But, it also has some useful uses. In this case (see photo), The Grand Daddy serves as a cooler for some Cold Bronskies. “Give ’em hell BDFL!”

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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