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"After his win, Parks’ checked himself into the Docile Pines Rehab Center to prepare for the 25th Anniversary of the 1984 Iron Bowl, also known as the “Bo the Wrong Way,” and “I waxed the dude,” game with fellow patient Robert (Book Worm) McGinty"
 

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 11: The Grand Daddy awaits...

Don’t Look Now - but Who is Looking to REPEAT:

As most of the BDFL ‘rank-n-file’ feared, it looks as though the ultimate fantasy football trophy, The Grand Daddy, may remain in Benton, Alabama, and go for a second-straight “Vict’ry Tour.” That’s right.  The Bullets are on a roll. The Boys from Benton – the defending BDFL Champions, and wielders of The Grand Daddy – are poised to “do it again.” This weekend, the Bullerino raced down Copperhead Road way ahead of the Rice Rockets, and shot down the Jugtown Juggernauts, sending the “bunch of girls” home to North Jefferson County in defeat, but carrying their own prize (no, not the “Helmet O’ Silver), the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.” The Bullet’s now have seven wins (above the Bullet Rule limit), the third highest point total in the league (Mayors 311, Gamblers 303, Bullets 302 – according to WARTS), and are a virtual lock for the BDCS. “Ready, Aim, Fire!”

“What’s an A.W.? Slovaks Find Out:

The Mayors have the most points in the BDFL through 11 weeks, and despite the incarceration of their fearless leader (Mayor Lowrey Langford), they are surging in Fantasy Land. This Sunday, the old Cronies put an A.W. on the Fighting Slovaks at Legion Field. And, while ASlo’s dad (former Livingston and Birmingham Vulcans place-kicker) may have excelled at the Old Gray Lady, all the EuroTrash Talkers could do was flounder. The Slovaks are bad once again, and can seem to get up for only one game a year (and it happens to be vs. the Gamblers). Meanwhile, the Mighty Magic City Mayors are at the top of the heap in the BDFL at this point. That’s right. They are the cream of the crop, the big (government) cheese, the top dog, the captain of the ship.

Gamblers Power Past Sleds:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers had an awful time early recovering from their “date” last week with the Cheetahs from the Cheetah III. But, by the 4th quarter, Kenny B.’s Boys had a bead on the Fairfield Power Sleds. The Gamblers come-from-behind vict’ry over the “Mean Machine” have propelled the Dixie Mafia within reach of what could be their third BDFL Championship. Like the Bullets and the Mayors, the Gamblers are a practical shoe-in for the Big Daddy Championship Series and are “rocking and rolling” toward a potential Blue Ribbon stretch run.

Sloth Surprise Sin Wagon with Near-A.W.:

Old Mukes’ seems to always have a trick up his sleeve, especially when slipping into a place like Sammy’s. Well, the Son of Slim pulled it off again this weekend, getting in-and-out of the Valleydale establishment with a hard-earned win over the Riverchase Cheetahs. It was a 19-point vict’ry for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers, just 2-points shy of an A.W. “It felt like an A.W.,” said Mukes, “but I guess I’ll have to call Adam for clarification.” As for the Cheetahs, it seems the Sloth Monsters got away with a win and one of the “tip jars.”

Commission Getting Right at Right Time:

Don’t look now, but the leader of the Null Set Club* (those without BDFL champions) is surging toward the finish. Yes, the Commissioner – Old Iron Hand – has yet to win a title in 14-years, but there is always hope. The Commissioner led his team to a hard fought, down-to-the-wire 4-point win over the previously scoreless (see last week) B00tleggers in Week Eleven. The Cool Springs Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) now have a winning record – albeit at 6-5 – and could squeak into the Big Dance if their point total creeps into the top eight – or more likely – their aren’t 8-teams with ‘winning records’ at the end of the regular season (see: Bullet Rule). At any rate, like Jim Carey in the classic Dumb and Dumber, when told he had a million-to-one chance of dating the hot babe, “So, you’re saying there’s a chance.” [*Note: Members of the Null Set Club include: Chris, Jaimie, Dog, Allyson, ASlo, Jerry Fritz, Jerry James, and Jon Wood.]

Cats Bite Dogs:

In a reversal of nature (not uncommon in the BDFL), the Cats bit the Dogs this weekend. Jerry James’ BioCats cranked up the Science Channel, got the Bunson Burners going, and the Chemistry Set, set up… then spit out an output that was a touchdown better than the previously surging Dogs. While the Wildcats get a win, the Brookside Dogs are now on the brink of elimination for the BDCS, and are staring squarely down the barrel of a 15th straight failure in the BDFL.

Woo Crew Wins on the Road:

Tommy T. returned to T-Town on Sunday (the BULLETIN thought it was “Senior Day,” and not “Freshman Day” at the Capstone), and sent the Druid City Blitz back across the Black Warrior River to regroup – yet again. The Woosiers – once again – showed the strength of the Rugged Red Neck Division, where three of the four teams are hovering around 300 (total points). After the vict’ry, the Woosiers were spotted celebrating near the old Bates Manor (14th Avenue Townhouse Apartments) and then slinking over the Canterbury Apartments, for what the Bulletin is still investigating.

Wizards Win One over Wooden Warriors:

If Jeff Parks could only play the Slovaks and the Wooden Warriors late in the fall when the “weather outside if frightful,” then the Wizards actually might have a chance to do something in the BDFL. Whipping up on these two Hand/Slovensky family members comes easy for the Pasco County Pixie Dusters. It’s playing Bullet and Chris (and everybody else) that’s difficult for old Merlin. After his win, Parks’ checked himself into the Docile Pines Rehab Center to prepare for the 25th Anniversary of the 1984 Iron Bowl, also known as the “Bo the Wrong Way,” and “I waxed the dude,” game with fellow patient Robert (Book Worm) McGinty.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week:

This summer, the “Helmet O’ Silver” got ‘away from in all’ with a trip to the beach, for as Spicoli says, “a cool buzz and some tasty waves.”

Crimson Tide/Commissioner Photo of the Week:

Hand’s soak up another vict’ry in Bryant Denny Stadium: Nicholas, Coley, Matthew, Chris, Bullet, and Milton.

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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