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"The Trifecta! Is this a BDFL first? The Big Daddy, Top Dog and Bonehead! Had I started Harrison I would have had 80 points but missed out on the Bonehead Award This accomplishment surpasses my Mullet Championship last year" - Jon Wood

 

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 15: Big Daddy Championship Series Underway

ROUND ONE of the BDCS – Battle for the Grand Daddy – “in good Hand’s”

Hand Resurgence I - Wooden Warriors on Warpath

The Wooden Warriors are on the Warpath, make no mistake about it as they try to win their first-ever BDFL Championship. On Sunday, the poor – or should we say “pour” – Sloth Monsters didn’t really stand a chance. The Tribe broke out the tomahawks, spears, and tom-toms in route to dropping the Three Toed Tree Dwellers by 11. It didn’t help the Son of Slim’s chances that Jaimie ran him by Mike’s Handy Mart before the game to “soften him up.” Now, Old Kawliga & Company advance in the BDSC bracket to face the 3-time champion Cheetahs, in what promises to be a battle royal.

Hand Resurgence II – Commissioner Continues On in BDCS

Good fortune is smiling on the Cool Springs Grenadiers (the franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) for maybe the first time in their BDFL hist’ry. First of all, the Commissioner finally took advance of one of his many rules and subsequent loopholes to break into the BDCS with the 12th best record. Then, as the 8th seed in the Bracket, the (Fieldstown) Bomb Squad matched up against the Top-Seeded Gulf Coast Gamblers. But, “Big Head” Breal and his Dixie Mafia fired blanks in Round One, and the Grenadiers left the Gulf Coast with a 17-7 vict’ry. The officially deemed, “What’s a toilet seat” game will now cost Kenny B. a shot at a championship, and the taunting that goes along with it – not to mention – blowing a potentially great season by capturing the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award at the worst possible time. Another mountain awaits the Commish in Round Two… in the form of the Defending Champion Benton Bullets.

Hand Resurgence III – Defending Champs Still Alive

Well, the Benton Bullets continue to illustrate that they are the penultimate franchise at present in the BDFL. The Defending Champs dispatched the Smoke Rise Woosiers in a game that for all intents and purposes was an A.W. The 15-point margin-of-vict’ry aside, the Woo Crew was never a real factor in this one, and (like the Gamblers) picked the wrong time to have a woeful game. The Woosiers now have to live with the fact that they lost again in the playoffs to their Red Neck Division (bitter) rivals. As for the Benton Bullets, they now await a match-up against the Commissioner in the semi-finals, which guarantees that a Hand with be in the Big Daddy Bowl for all the marbles in Week 17. And, given the Bullets’ record against 8th seeds (see last year’s Big Daddy Bowl vs. the Sleds) the chances of Old Pistol getting the ultimate ornament* (see photo below) in 2009 are not very good.

Cheetahs Quest For Four Continues:

Still standing in the quest for the Grand Daddy this season is the BDFL’s only 3-time Champion – the Riverchase Cheetahs. Unlike the other first round games in the BDCS, Butch Neal had his hands full (pardon the pun) with the Magic City Mayors. But, in a weekend that saw only “upsets” in Round One, Lowrey Langford and his Cronies fell 5-points short against the Sin Wagon, 37-32. The Cheetahs had a hard time adjusting to the silver pole and the slippery runway at Lin’s Den… but, managed to “regroup” in the second half to pull off a monumental vict’ry. Now, the rank-and-file rallies behind the Sin Wagon as they are the last hope to keep the BDFL Championship – and the Grand Daddy – out of the hands of the Hand’s.

The Big Mullet Series:

   Like Bama losing to Utah last year, the ‘decent’ teams in the Big Mullet Series “just didn’t want to be there” and practically didn’t show up, and upsets abounded in Week 15. Dig this: the Bootleggers (the 16th and lowest seed) earned the Top Dog award by scoring 56-points to slaughter the PowerSleds, 56-32. Do the math. That’s an A.W. in any language at any holiday time of year. The Mean Machine has quite obviously turned its sites to Pasadena and the pre-game ESPN tailgate party featuring Edgar and Johnny Winter as last-minute replacements for the Goo Goo Dolls.

   Quote the Wood Brothers (who must love the Mullet Series): “The Trifecta!  Is this a BDFL first? The Big Daddy, Top Dog and Bonehead! Had I started Harrison I would have had 80 points but missed out on the Bonehead Award This accomplishment surpasses my Mullet Championship last year.” The driver of the Big Block Dodge continued, “By the way, I will be sending a Mullet trophy to this year’s winner… unless of course I win again.”

   The horrible Slovaks won in Round One. Of course, they beat the Wizards, who aren’t much better and just cannot seem to beat a team with the last name of Slovensky. Old Merlin was very hopeful of a win until the EuroTrash Talkers took his magic, and “turned it around and used it against him” on Monday Night Football.

   The Juggernauts have been awful in ’09, but they rose from the “rice pile” to edge the Wildcats, who were clearly distracted and disturbed about missing the BDCS on the final weekend of the regular season.

   The Dogs continue to ride the “Costanza Opposite” theory to better-than-usual success in 2009 in the BDFL, albeit this week in the Big Mullet Series. Mark’s Mutts bit the Druid City Blitz on Sunday with a big 12-point win to give bolstering hopes to Dog’s future in the league, although next year The Bulletin has learned that he will try the “Kramer Fantasy” approach to the Miller Genuine Draft and the subsequent season.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 1: Approved Use (*ultimate ornament)

Here is an “officially sanctioned” use for the trophy. As a Christmas ornament: It may look a little different at first… dwarfing all the ‘other’ ornaments, garland, and tinsel, but you’ll get used to it, and so will your wife and family.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 2: Another approved Use

As the centerpiece for your Christmas feast (or Festivus celebration) it really brings life to your old, traditional table decorations.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week, Part 3: Another approved Use

In Christmas Cards (with your sons – if your daughter and/or spouse refuse)

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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