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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Hewlett “Slim” Dismukes Memorial Edition
Wildcats vs. Mayors One day a young but impressionable Wizard and Mukes were riding through Birmingham with Slim when they passed a man in his early 20’s making every effort to grow a mustache, but more of less failing miserably. Slim looked at the man and declared, “That boy’s trying to cultivate something under his nose that grows wild in other people’s @$$holes.” The Great Wizardo has had that feeling all year about the Mayors, but Alan’s bunch of “One Trick Ponies” have continue to confound the one who cannot be confounded. Nevertheless, the gravy train ends on Sunday at the hands of the Wildcats. Wizard's Winner…Wildcats.
Grenadiers vs. Wooden Warriors On Halloween night in the late 1970’s, it was not uncommon for kids to go “egging” where they would sneak around at night, chunk eggs at someone’s house, and high tail it away while avoiding the police. Of course, the police were well aware of the young hoodlums that came out on such nights and sought to stop it before it could get started. On one such Halloween night Mike Dismukes and his dad Slim were picking up a carton of eggs at the local Jiffy Chek. Mike came out first with the eggs and was immediately accosted by a policeman who sneered, “What do you plan to do with those eggs boy?” Before Mukes could say a word, Slim walked out the door, by the policemen, and without missing a beat or breaking stride said, “We’re gon’ gon’ cook ‘em sumbitches. Any more questions?” As you might imagine, the policemen took one look at the 6’ 8” Slim and decided to find easier prey. Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Juggernauts vs. Armadillos Not long after Guy Hunt became the first Republican Governor of Alabama since Reconstruction, which spanned a period of roughly 125 years, a young, impressionable Wizard heard Slim Dismukes reminisce on his days at Holly Pond High School where Guy Hunt was a classmate. In particular, Slim said, “I’ll tell you one damn thing, when we were at Holly Pond Guy Hunt was a natural born leader, class president and all.” Of course, Slim never suspected Governor Hunt would be rudely removed from office after a scandal involving misappropriation of funds that landed Hunt in hot water although a pardon later kept him out of prison. As for leading the pack, the Armadillos have shocked the BDFL faithful by taking the number one seed in the championship standings, and the Wizard says he will not only prove he deserves that ranking on Sunday against the Nauts, he will cover the 5.5 points on top of it. Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.
PowerSleds vs. Fighting Slovaks It was a fine spring night in the Dismukes household when close family friends, Carol Christian and her daughter Tracy were visiting to discuss the scandal that had erupted at cheerleading tryouts at Gardendale High School that day. A scandal that led to the apparent dismissal of several would-be cheerleaders. As the argument continued to escalate on whether the cheerleaders had been wrongfully dismissed or not, it was apparent neither side was willing to give. It was at that point that Slim Dismukes entered the fray and settled the argument once and for all by saying, “If those girls knew the rules, and chose to break those rules, they’ll have to suffer the #%*#@^% consequences.” End of argument. Wizard's Winners…the Fighting Slovaks.
Gamblers vs. Cheetahs It was another fine spring day in Tuscaloosa when the Dismukes family piled into the Family Truckster and headed to Tuscaloosa to watch Tracy Christian try out for the UA cheerleading squad. Despite a fine performance, Tracy didn’t make the team and learned that at UA cheerleaders are more often than not chosen well before tryout based on who has the bluest blood and deepest ties to T-town. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop another free-for-all on the way home on why Tracy wasn’t chosen to be a cheerleader. Again, there was plenty of arguing with no apparent winner when, once again, Slim Dismukes ended the argument by stating, “I’ll tell you one damn thing, I’m gonna whip this sumbitch in the first place I can find me a beer and burger.”, which he promptly did, parking and walking inside the restaurant to eat. And the Great Wizardo has no doubt Slim order a beer and a burger, probably more than one of each. Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.
Bullets vs. Blitz As you might imagine, at 6’ 8” tall, Slim Dismukes received more than his share of notice as a basketball player Holly Pond High School. In fact, he gained enough notoriety along with some of his teammates that they were often invited to attend college games as potential recruits. It was this experience that led Slim to declare later in life that, “People treated us better because of who we were and what we did.” Unfortunately, no such quarter will be given to either the Blitz or Bullets who toyed with championship series for much of the year before feet of clay eventually sent them tumbling to the depths of the Big Mullet Series. Tossin’ mullets was not what either team had in mind until a week ago, but both will try to make the best of a bad situation. Nevertheless, in the end the Blitz will toss their dead fish just a little further than Bullet. Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.
Wizards vs. Woosiers In February of 1990 Dale Earnhardt dominated the Daytona 500 from the moment the green flag dropped and was poised to finally win his first Daytona 500 after years of frustration. With a comfortable lead, Earnhardt cruised into turn three with but one more corner to go before he triumphantly crossed the tri-oval one final time on the way to taking the checkered flag. It was at that moment that disaster struck. For some unexplained reason, a tire on Earnhardt’s suddenly went down causing him to veer wildly into the wall while allowing the unheralded Derrick Cope to speed by and win the Daytona 500. A victory made memorable by the circumstances plus the fact it was the only race Cope ever won, or probably ever came close to winning. The Wizard’s good buddy D.K. Hand looked on in disbelief before declaring that was what he referred to as “$^!( pot luck”, a phrase he defined as the equivalent of going to Tuscaloosa for an oral copulating contest and getting lock jaw on the drive down in Bessemer. The Wizards have a much better understanding of that phrase after racing to a huge lead in easily their best performance in an otherwise horrid year. A performance that would salve the wounds from twelve previous losses by beating the number one seeded Armadillos. As the Wizard spent Tuesday morning congratulating himself, it was than he noticed the Dillos had staged an historical comeback and nipped the Wizards by a single point. Oh well, the Wizard isn’t looking forward to the drive down to Tuscaloosa. Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.
Dogs vs. Sloth Monsters One week ago the Dogs and Sloth Monsters were battling each other for the last playoff spot when suddenly Chris Hand and his Grenadiers flashed by on the inside below the yellow line, nipping both teams for one of the final two spots leaving both with a particularly bad taste in their collective mouths. Speaking of bad taste, former UA football player Billy Ray Jordan, he of mountainous size with the brain of a stegosaurus, joined a group of Gardendale High School alumni’s intramural basketball team. Thinking they had scored a coup in lining up Billy Ray, he promptly announced to the team to be sure to pass him the ball when he was in the paint stating emphatically, “When I get ‘em on my @$$, you can count that $#!^!” As time would tell, you could do just about anything but “count that $#!^” regarding anything Billy Ray claimed he would was going to do. In fact, the closest he ever got to the field at UA was working the traffic at games as a Hoover policeman. Wizard’s Winner...the Dogs. |
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The Scorecard
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Week 15 2012
JUG @ ARM (-5.5) OPEN: ALL TEAMS PLAYING |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
15
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