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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Wooden Warriors vs. Grenadiers It’s bad enough that perennial title contender, and perennial bridesmaid (Wizard’s Note: Jaimie must have a small fortune worth of bridesmaid dresses and dried up flower bouquets from all of his BDFL near misses.) for that matter, Jaimie Hand and his “Seersucker Suit Wearin’ Sewer Suckers” are a dismal oh and three after as many weeks of play. However, to compound the misery Jaimie has to sit idly by and be trash talked by Cousin Adam Slovensky who claimed his Slovaks “slapped Jaimie naked and sent him home without his clothes.” Meanwhile, despite a modest 75 points, Chris Hand and his “Goose Steppin’, Jack-booted Thugs” have used some inside help from the BDFL schedule maker to start off the season with three straight “dubyas” proving that “it’s not what you know but who you know” that matters in the BDFL. Nevertheless, ELVO is feedin’ his oats a little too much at the moment and will over reach on the spread. Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
PowerSleds vs. Wizards Jack Barnes has put together one of the most tepid BDFL title defenses in modern history so far in 2012 and the Great Wizardo says things are unlikely to heat up too much more the rest of the year for the 2011 champions unless Luck gets on an accelerated learning curve and his supporting cast actually becomes…good. Nevertheless, a trip to Tampa to tackle the “Pewter Pirates, who at one up and two down may more closely resemble the “Pukin’ Pirates”, may be just what the doctor ordered for Jack’s “Motor City Morons.” The Wizards have been consistently “brown turd” average so far this season, and the Wizardo is not so sure they have enough horses under the hood to rev the RPM’s up much higher. Nevertheless, the Sleds are down a cylinder and may find themselves on pit road with the hood up before much longer. Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.
Cheetahs vs. Fighting Slovaks While in today’s lexicon the word “vandal” simply means a non-descript, low level criminal causing property damage of some sort although the name gets its meaning from the original Vandals, a group of marauding barbarians that were among the first to sack Rome after the fall of the western half of the empire. With that in mind, the barbarians are officially at the gate because the once fearful “Oak Mountain EuroTrash” have become the “Slovakian Sluggernauts” so far in 2012. Three games, three double digit wins, and a pair of “AWs” have caused the rest of the BDFL to stand up and take notice of the new young guns on the block. Hearing owner Adam Slovensky crow about his Slovaks in verse is nothing new, but his team backing up those taunts most certainly is. The Slovaks look to make it four in a row against a suddenly toothless bunch of “Shelby County Saber Tooth Tigers.” The Cheetahs have four titles to their credit, but are learning the hard way that resting on your laurels is no way to stay on top of the BDFL mountain for very long. Even worse, the Great Wizardo says the Cheetahs will be the next team in line to feel the pointed barbs of the Slovak taunts. Wizard’s Winners…the Fighting Slovaks.
Woosiers vs. Juggernauts With only a pair of “dubyas” between them, Allyson Wonderland and her “Hookah Tokin’ Caterpillars” and Tommy Todd’s “Smoke Rise Love Guns” have much to prove in a week four showdown. The winner evens their record while the loser sinks to a quick three losses in four short weeks. After finding that burning bras didn’t seem to be getting her Nauts anywhere fast and rice burning didn’t fare too much better, Allyson decided to use what Grumpy from Snow White called women and their “wicked wiles” to help steer her way through the good ol’ boys club that is the BDFL. Grumpy had no idea what “wicked wiles” were, but was against it as is the Wizard who says he’s not sure of what they are either, but he believes in them and is rightfully scared of them, too. And has a wife and two teenage daughters to bolster his claims. Now the Great Wizardo is far from sold on the Juggernauts, but is even less sold on the Woosiers. Tommy claims the Woosiers are built for the end of the year sprint to the title. While the Wizard says that may be true, it’s more than likely a better fit for 2013 than 2012. Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.
Dogs vs. Mayors Alan Arrington and his “Merry Monarchs” have had plenty to smile about so far in 2012 after winning their first three games while posting a Greybeard Division leading 104 points, a total second only to the Slovaks league wide. In an effort to continue their winning ways, the Mayors will invite Mark Burr and the “Fabulous Free Birds” to Fair Park for a Week Four royal rumble. Now the Great Wizardo says Dogs are hardly a slouch and have more bite than bark this season as their two “dubyas” and 80 point total suggests. Nevertheless, with a bye week taking Big Ben out of the equation, the Great Wizardo says to expect the clock to strike midnight on Sunday for the Dogs as the Mayors not only stay perfect, but cover in the process. Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.
Blitz vs. Armadillos Of all of the nefarious characters in the BDFL High Command, the one the BDFL rank ‘n file fears the most is the Schedule Maker. Irritate the Schedule Maker and no amount of points can save your season from folding like a cheap tent. A lesson Jerry Fritz and the “Deutschland Dumkoffs” learned the hard way after posting an impressive 100 points over three weeks although they have a losing record to show for their efforts. Meanwhile, Kurt Prewitt and the “Duncan Donuts” are learning a similar lesson in that you drive for show and putt for dough in the BDFL, as a pair of tough losses over the last couple of weeks have taught the Armadillos. Nevertheless, when the last steer’s been wrestled to the ground Sunday evening, the Blitz should be walking away with a much needed win while leaving the rookies lickin’ their wounds for a third straight week. Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.
Sloth Monsters vs. Wildcats A regression analysis shows a distinctly positive relationship between Mike Dismukes and his “Woblin’ Goblins” alcohol level on draft night and their number of wins each season. An under-the-weather, and therefore sober, Mukes drafted a team that couldn’t win in the Lingerie Football League while rumor has it Mukes had to crawl out of a bottle of Jim Beam to make many of his picks the year the Sloths took home the BDFL title. With that in mind, it is too early to tell what will happen to the 2012 edition of the Sloth Monsters although at one win, two losses, and a Luke warm point total, it is safe their season is teetering even though the leaves haven’t yet begun to fall. That being said, a road vict’ry in Western Hills over Jerry James and his “Mountain Lyins” would certainly pull the Sloths back from the brink, the Wildcats have plenty of claws and are not afraid to use them. Still, ELVO will go big on the Wildcats leaving the wiley ol’ Wizard just enough room to cover, even if the Sloths don’t win straight up. Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.
Bullets vs. Gamblers Just as the dreaded Schedule Maker can ruin a season with one wave of his scheduling wand, he can also grant “dubyas” to teams that would otherwise be unworthy to have even sniffed vict’ry lane. Case in point, the Bullets have a tepid 64 points after three weeks of play yet the Schedule Maker has hovered over the “Saturday Night Specials” like a guardian angel helping the Bullets come within a single point of a perfect season thus far. Their 64 point total is easily the lowest of teams with at least two wins, and only ranks above three other BDFL teams in the points standings. The Great Wizardo suspects the Schedule Maker is helping Bullet out so he won’t have to listen to him prattle on like a busted chainsaw at Thanksgiving dinner although the Wizard says any help he gives Bullet is hardly likely to muffle Bullet, regardless of the occasion. Of the three teams that sit below the Bullets in the points, one of them is Kenny Breal and his “Riverboat Ruffians”, who have badly underperformed on an otherwise strong roster. Still, after discovering that blood is thicker than water, ELVO will mistakenly side with brother Bullet, but quickly realize he bet on the wrong horse. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
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The Scorecard
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Week 4 2012
WW @ GRE (-4.5) |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
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