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 Wizardz Winnerz - Week
6
By: The Wizard
Cheetahs vs.
Grenadiers
The Great Wizardo always says “it’s not what you know, but who know”
that matters most in life. Case in point, Chris Hand and the Grinnin’
Deer” have much to smile about after a “dubya” left them as the only
undefeated team standing in the BDFL with five “dubyas”, no losses, and
a respectable 127 points. Meanwhile, Butch Neal’s “Spotted Fe-Lions” are
struggling with a .400 record although they have a respectable, and
nearly identical, 124 points to show for their efforts thus far. The
difference between a tale of two teams you ask? The Schedule Maker. And
the fix is still in this week as each team will continue to say “it was
the best of times (Grenadiers), it was the worst of times (Cheetahs)” as
bye weeks will decimate the Cheetahs while leaving the Grenadiers
largely unscathed.
Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.
Juggernauts vs. Wooden Warriors
Actually, two teams in the BDFL sport perfect records five games into
the season. The Chris and the Grenadiers are yet to lose while baby
brother Jaimie and his “Splintered Splendors” are yet to win after
dropping their fifth straight last weekend. Next up for the Wooden
Warriors are Allyson Edwards and the “Legal Eagles”, a team very much in
the hunt for a post season pass, but needing wins to push themselves
north of the “Bullet Rule” as far as possible, and believe the Warriors
will be the magic elixir that cures their ills. Unfortunately for
Allyson, the Wooden Warriors have more bite than bark, which isn’t
necessarily saying much thus far, will cover the 3.5 points and likely
win outright.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
PowerSleds vs. Fighting Slovaks
After three weeks of action Adam Slovensky, thinking he was King
Leonidas of Sparta who rallied his troops against the Persian hordes
when he yelled “We are…SPARTA!”, took a similar approach by yelling “We
are…THE SLOVAKS!” to his team assuming it would have a similar affect on
his warriors. Unfortunately for Adam and the “Ellis Island Immigrants”,
it simply reminded his team that not only were they not fierce warriors,
but in fact were the same old Slovaks that have played the role of the
BDFL doormat to perfection since their inception. A fact that bottomed
out last week with the overpowering stench of a three point outing.
Unfortunately for the Slovaks, Jack Barnes and the “Midnight Train to
Memphis” pull into Helena for a whistle stop tour with nothing but bad
intentions. While the Great Wizardo certainly sees the defending
champion Sleds “mushing” to a possible victory, he knows that ELVO, as
is his wont, has overplayed his hand, and will pay the price for it on
Sunday.
Wizard’s Winners…the Fighting Slovaks.
Dogs vs. Armadillos
Kurt Prewitt and his “Armed Dildos” are definitely packin’ and have
proven to be much more than the usual rookie fodder for the rest of the
BDFL through five games while Mark Burr’s “Bouncing Brookside Buggy
Bumpers” are largely treading water at the moment, but need to dial
things up a notch if they have any interest in reserving spot at the
year end “Big Dance.” Ultimately, both teams are evenly matched and
their stock could rise dramatically or tank over the next two or three
weeks leaving the Wizard to think 2.5 points may be at the edge of
reason, but being able to determine outcomes when such subtle nuances
are in play is why the Wizard is…the Wizard, and ELVO and other would be
prognosticators do little more than fill out the field, which is why the
Wizard says the Armadillos will win and cover.
Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.
Bullets vs. Sloth Monsters
This is another match up where who you know counts for much more than
what you know. Despite trying in vain to say otherwise, the Schedule
Maker is a blood relation of Bullet and has been forced, at the barrel
of a shotgun courtesy of D.K. Hand, to help his kid brother Bullet and
his “Hillbilly Bureaucrats” in the rough ‘n rugged BDFL. So far the
Great Wizardo says “mission accomplished” because despite a paltry 87
points, the Bullets have a winning record heading into their Week Six
match up with Mike Dismukes and the “Tri-toed Tree Hangers” in Silver
Lakes. However, even pulling some strings from on high couldn’t save the
Bullets’ bacon last Sunday after posting a miserable nine points.
Meanwhile, the Sloths have put a not-too-shabby 124 points on the board
yet are a game under the “Bullet Rule” entering Sunday action. Mukes
recently went back into the elevator business with ThyssenKrupp
(Wizard’s Note: The elevators in the Wizard’s office, where his
employers continue to allow him to work thereby proving there is a
merciful God, are manufactured by ThyssenKrupp leading the Wizard to
think he’s got “connections” of his own now.) and opined that no one may
care that his e-mail address had changed. To the contrary, the BDFL
always takes care of and keeps tabs on its own. Besides, how can the
Wizard continue to make verbal jabs at his BDFL competitors if he
doesn’t have their contact information?
Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.
Wizards vs. Blitz
Merlin and his aptly named “Pasco Pinballs” have been getting bounced
around the BDFL this year with such regularity that their opponents are
lining up to take their shots and see how many replays they can get for
a quarter. Unfortunately for the Wizards, things don’t get much easier
when they hit the road headed for T-town to take on Jerry Fritz and the
“Grits Blitz” this weekend. Back in the day a young and impressionable
Wizard sowed enough wild oats in Tuscaloosa to fee a third world
country, but something tells the Great Wizardo this visit may not have
quite as many…ahem…”amenities” in place upon their arrival.
Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.
Wildcats vs. Gamblers
Time was when a trip to New Orleans to take on Kenny Breal and his
“Bayou Banana Eaters” meant playing some high quality, certified “B”
class softball with the locals, partying on Bourbon Street until the wee
hours, and projectile vomiting the next morning. Kenny and his Gamblers
dialed “8” so many times; their long distance bill began to resemble the
national debt. However, this season has season a dramatic reversal of
fortune as it is all the Gamblers can to hit a decent “can ‘a corn” fly
ball, and do not doubt Jerry James and the “Western Hills Aristocats”
will take full advantage upon their arrival on Sunday.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.
Mayors vs. Woosiers
This time last week Alan Arrington was “glad handing” everyone in sight
and kissin’ every baby that got within range while congratulating
himself on his “City Hall Hooligans” perfect start to the season.
Unfortunately for the Mayors, the Grenadiers rained on that parade, and
did so decisively, in Week Five leaving Alan to regroup in Ensley before
rallying his pals for the trip to Smoke Rise to play Tommy Todd’s
suddenly powerful “West Blount Love Guns” on Sunday. On paper this looks
like a fair fight, but the Great Wizardo says the Woosiers never fight
fair, something the Mayors would have ordinarily learned while getting
their collective noses bloodied for their troubles. Unfortunately for
the Woosiers, bye weeks have wrought havoc on their roster leaving them
as defenseless as newborn kittens, thereby opening the door for the
Mayors, courtesy of the Schedule Maker, to walk in uncontested.
Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.
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