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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Sloth Monsters vs. Gamblers “Snap the ball Mukes! SNAP THE #$&*@&# BALL!” was perhaps one of the most famous phrases ever uttered in collegiate intramural football history, and one that likely curled the hair and offended the delicates of New Orleans “high society” that fateful morning when a largely hung over group of Dorians were playing in the national championship tournament in the Big Easy. While that may have been many moons ago, it still has some relevance this weekend when Mike Dismukes and his “Groovy Ghoulies” arrive in New Orleans to battle Kenny Breal and his “LooseyAnus” Lamb Chops” on Sunday. The Gamblers are struggling despite a more than respectable line up and are the BDFL’s version of the “fiscal cliff” except they don’t have a press in the basement to print money like the federal “gubament” does. Meanwhile, the Sloth Monsters have an excellent chance of advancing to the playoffs if they can garner two more “dubyas.” While they might add another notch to their belt at the expense of the Gamblers, they won’t cover, too. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Wizards During the Godzilla Racin’ Series draft that began on Super Bowl Sunday, the Great Wizardo was in full “dog vomit licking” mode as the draft entered its latter stages. Despite having been burned by Juan Pablo Montaco on more than one occasion, the Wizard could feel himself being inextricably dragged towards drafting Montaco again, and would have drafted him had not Wizard Consigliore Barry Stephenson not thrown himself on the grenade instead by taking the 42 ride. The Wizard was forced to draft Martin Truex, Jr. who had a fantastic season and was one of the prime reasons the Wizardo will hoist the GRS trophy after this weekend’s race at Homestead. The point is sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good although Merlin’s “Pasco Fiascos” are hardly proof of that old adage, something they will learn the hard way when Adam Slovensky and the “@$$ Slo’s” welcome them to Oak Mountain. The resulting defeat, and possible A.W., will no doubt be hammered home by the taunting Slovaks when the Wizard sets sail for home on Sunday evening. Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.
PowerSleds vs. Juggernauts The recent brouhaha at the CIA over their role and, more importantly, that of the White House in the attack in Benghazi that saw four Americans murdered by terrorists has some of its roots in Tampa Bay. A pair of scheming socialite sisters, a female biographer, and two very well known and highly respected generals, all of whom were in and around McDill Air Force Base in Tampa, were dragged into the open when a tawdry affair and the ensuing “cat fight” were dragged into the open. The fracas took on a slightly humorous side when one of the socialites that worked as an unpaid social liaison at McDill called 911 and asked for what amounted to diplomatic immunity. Do not doubt the Wizard when he predicts the “Housewives of Tampa Bay” will be the next chapter in the series about women, some of whom are wealthy and most that only act like it, behaving badly. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Tampa Bay boneheads! Wizard's Winners…the Juggernauts.
Dogs vs. Cheetahs Despite a modest points lead over the Dogs, Butch Neal and the “Riverchase Chia Pets” are moving perilously close to the edge with six losses, and must win three of their next four if they have any plans of adding an unprecedented “one-for-the-thumb” trophy to their collection of four BDFL titles. On the other hand, Mark Burr has his Dogs poised to make what they hope will be a run to their first title needing only to win one of the next four to qualify on record alone. Bye weeks and injuries are beginning to wreak havoc among BDFL teams, and these two are no exception, which is why only a prognosticator such as the Wizard can step into the fray, pull apart the various pieces, and see where the truth really lies. With that in mind, the Wizardo says while taking a bite of crime is one thing, doing the same to the Cheetahs may be more than the Dogs can chew. Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.
Armadillos vs. Mayors After torching the rest of the BDFL through almost all of the first nine weeks of the year, Kurt Prewitt and his “Armada of Dildos” must have spent much of last week reading their press clippings and drinking lots of Milk of Magnesia because they promptly tendered their crappiest performance of the year in losing handily to the Gamblers in Week Ten. Fortunately for Kurt, their impressive spray pattern leaves them more than enough cushion to fight another day, and that day will be this weekend when they travel to Fair Park to take on a tough Greybeard Division opponent in Alan Arrington’s “Magic City Monarchs.” The Mayors currently sit a top their divisional standings and have the requisite seven “dubyas” to qualify for playoff consideration, but to the Wizard’s trained eye appear to doing so on “smoke ‘n mirrors” more than anything else. With that being the case, the Mayors had best hope they have a heckuva’ lot more up their collective sleeves than some rabbits when the Armadillos come ‘a callin’, because otherwise they’ll find their chances of notchin’ another win do a quick disappearing act. Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.
Wooden Warriors vs. Blitz One day at the Gardendale civic center (now owned by Gardendale’s First Baptist Church and used to reform wayward Christians with “wayward Christians” defined as any non-Baptists) a young and impressionable Wizard was playing pick up basketball, something he often did in his misspent youth. Two of the players in the game were Paul and Randall “Dooley” Fields. Paul was already a rapidly rising star while Randall was a less talented though tough, hard nosed player who more than made his mark on Gardendale athletics as well. With Randall being the older brother, there was a natural rivalry between the two that boiled over this particular day and almost led to fisticuffs. After much posturing by both, Paul stormed off towards home leaving “Dooley” yelling after him “That’s right. Go home and tell Momma!” to which Paul yelled over his shoulder, “That’s right. I’m gonna’ tell Momma!” Randall continued to dribble the basketball around repeatedly yelling, “Yeah, run home and tell Momma!” with a “Cheshire cat” grin stuck on his face. While the young and impressionable Wizard was taken aback by the display, perhaps it would have made more sense had he read Randall’s tee shirt that said “Smile if you’re horny.” Of course, since at the time the Wizard didn’t know the meaning of “horny”, it probably wouldn’t have done much good. After suffering through seven straight defeats, primarily due to his big brother the Schedule Maker, Jaimie Hand did pretty much the same thing by complaining to Momma’ Mary. Judging by his recent winning streak, Jaimie probably had more luck than Paul did that fateful day, but that will not be the case on Sunday. Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.
Bullets vs. Woosiers Tommy Todd’s “Smoke Rise Doobie Brothers” have clawed back to .500 with four weeks of regular season action left and must at least split their four remaining games to qualify for the big boy playoffs. Similarly, the “Dallas County Hillbilly Hooch Haulers” are at .500 but need to kick it up a notch on their point total if they have any visions of dancing in four weeks. Both team feature quarterbacks that play more like Dr. Jekyll one week and Mr. Hyde the next making this match-up particularly difficult to prognosticate, especially for rank amateurs like ELVO. However, the fearless Wizardo always says when playing the hillbillies it’s always wise to be prepared to “paddle faster if you hear banjos dueling”, sage advice the Woosiers should best heed come Sunday. Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.
Wildcats vs. Grenadiers Chris Hand and his “Tuscaloosa Tube Steaks” continue to impress by notching their league high ninth win last weekend against a lone defeat. More impressively, the Grenadiers are finally starting to pile up desperately needed points in order to qualify for the championship bracket, which is a scant few weeks away. Meanwhile, Jerry James and the “Stoned Cats” are hitting on all cylinders with a playoff qualifying seven wins and a hefty point total to boot making this a marquis match-up that may well pit a pair of teams destined to square off again later in the year. Still, with a few dinged up players and only Tom Brady loaded for bear each week, the Grenadiers are more “one trick pony” than anything else and will find themselves high ‘n dry unless the Schedule Maker comes to their rescue…again. Wizard’s Winner...Wildcats. |
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The Scorecard
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Week 11 2012
BLZ @WIL @ GRE (P) |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
11
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