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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Blitz vs. Grenadiers Nothing packs ‘em in like the possible spilling of guts, blood, and gore one can expect from a pair of bitter city rivals, and there’s no better embodiment of that than this match up between Jerry Fritz’s “TuscaLoser Tater Tots” and Chris Hand’s “Tuscaloosa Tallywackers” on Sunday. Athe very least, passions will be running at a fever pitch as game time approaches and the opposing fans get “liquored up.” Further, the Great Wizardo says to expect it to peak at record levels due to “extenuating” circumstances. On one hand, the Blitz are in do-or-die mode the rest of the regular season since another loss drops them permanently below the “Bullet Line” yet they have a higher point total than the once beaten Grenadiers. A fact that has the Blitz seeing red knowing the Grenadiers are using their “connections” with the schedule maker to post such a lofty record. Still, Tuscaloosa isn’t big enough for both meaning one of these two will have to exit stage left. Unfortunately for the Blitz, the Grenadiers have jolly ol’ St. Nick on their side, which will be more than enough to make it a merry Sunday for the Grenadiers, and for the Wizard since they cover the spread. Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.
Gamblers vs. Armadillos The Great Wizardo says there’s nothing quite like the stench from low tide that rises along the gulf coast when various decaying critters and other flotsam are exposed for all to see and, even worse, smell. However, the addition of a new unsavory aroma wafting through the French Quarter is caused not by low tide, but rather by the disaster that has become the once proud Gamblers. With two titles in their trophy case and a few near misses, Kenny Breal and his “Bayou Banana Eaters” know chicks dig long balls although you wouldn’t know it based on a record and point total that has them sitting on the bottom of the BDFL. Meanwhile, the tide is well above flood stage in Duncanville where Kurt Prewitt’s Armadillos have proven to have as tough a hide as any in the BDFL in spite of being a mere rookie franchise. Speaking of rookies, the “Muscle Hamster” in Tampa Bay (i.e. Doug Martin) has turned in a pair of sparkling, record setting performances over the last couple of weeks that have vaulted the Dillos to a huge lead over the rest of the league. Nevertheless, it is hard to expect Doug Martin to continue on his historic pace, and certainly not enough to allow Kurt to overcome a massive 8.5 point spread. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Mayors The Glorious Wizardo found it very amusing to see Adam Slovensky and his “Brokeback Mountain Slovaks” “jank” on the rest of the league after administering “A.W.’s” on one team after another. However, the Wizard didn’t find it nearly as entertaining when the Slovaks turned their trash talkin’ to his beloved Wizards this week. While the Wizards managed to score big enough on Monday night to avoid what appeared to be a severe “A.W.”, they were still beaten soundly. Unfortunately, just as another four years of trillion dollar plus deficits every year and economy crushing regulations have signaled the Apocalypse may be upon us, the Slovaks turning into genuine BDFL contenders serves only to solidify it. Fortunately for Adam, and unfortunately for the rest of us, Alan Arrington and his “Al-Obama Bureaucrats” don’t have the horse to run with the Slovaks nor will they likely have sobered up from their Tuesday night triumph. Wizard’s Winners…the Fighting Slovaks.
Bullets vs. Wildcats When leaving a local establishment of ill repute in his misspent youth, the Wizard uttered to the bouncer to “gimme back my bullets…put ‘em back where they belong”, a phrase Bullets and his “Copperhead Road Snake Charmers” might want to adopt after seeing their fortunes fade as the second half of the BDFL regular season gets into full swing. The Bullets only source of redemption is an above .500 record that helps keep hope alive in Benton. However, if the Bullets hope to reload, they’ll have to do it at the expense of Jerry James and the “Rocky Ruffles Have Ridges Fe-Lions” on Sunday. Despite a relatively sizeable points gap, both teams have enough pieces of the puzzle to make a play off run. And make no mistake about it, it is “go time” in the BDFL meaning one of these two will begin taking on more water after Sunday. In the end, the Bullets learned a thing or two from Charlie, which will be enough to allow them to at least cover a modest 2.5 point spread. Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.
Wooden Warriors vs. Cheetahs Last Friday night Nicholas “But-you-can-call-meNick” Hand was honored on senior night when his Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle Cavaliers took the field for the last time at home this season. Judging from the pictures, Nick is about as stingy with the eye black as his father was in letting anyone else shoot when he starred for St. Elizabeth’s. While Nick had enough of it on to make the Wizard think he was starring in a Vaudeville show in “black face”, the Great Wizardo assumed that was one of the perks of being the Cavs leading returning tackler. However, the Wizard did note that Nick wasn’t nearly as “put together” as his dad was back in the day when Jaimie spent more time “primping” in front of the mirror than length of the game. Nevertheless, Jaimie’s “Poop Pumpers” have spent the last two weeks dodging the “Bullet Line”, a practice they will need to do the rest of the year if they have even the faintest playoff hopes. While the Wizard cannot promise a third reprieve from the noose for the Warriors, he does say they will cover the spread. Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Woosiers vs. Wizards In addition to being an ideal place to hide from the long arm of the law as the Wizard has found since going on the lam from the Feds after the HealthSouth fraud, Florida has long been exulted for being a place where the “wine and the women are free.” However, as evidenced by the sad state of affairs of Merlin and his “Swashbuckling Bozos”, BDFL “dubyas” are about as easy to come by when the opponent is the Wizards. Enough so that the Wizard spends most of his times trying to deflect blame while absorbing what little praise there is to garner. Still, the Great Wizardo says the “Smoke Rise Bong Burners” rely too much on an explosive Chicago Bear defense and are probably more bark than bite. In spite of that, the Woosiers should still be able to gobble up ELVO’s 4.5 points as well as the Wizards,the latter being little more than an appetizer. Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.
Sloth Monsters vs. Power Sleds Perhaps no single match up involves two teams any more in the play off hunt, although perilously close to the bubble, or evenly matched than when Mike Dismukes and his “Tree Hangers” drop in to battle Jack Barnes and his “Dolodome Dragster Queens” in Fairfield. Both are flying under the radar, but it would be folly for any BDFL to take either lightly because either team boasts a formidable line up that can explode on any given day. Which one will detonate the most on Sunday is difficult to determine meaning only someone with the expertise of the Great Wizardo should even attempt such a hazardous task. Still, after gazing deep into his crystal balls, the Wizard says the Mukes will ultimately have just enough horses under the hood to hold off the Power Sleds and cover. Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.
Dogs vs. Juggernauts The Wizard was recently heard opining, as legendary prognosticators are known to do, “Who let the dogs out?” when referring to the suddenly relevant “Brookside Boners ‘n Stoners” after seeing them go on a tear that has visions of BDFL sugar plum fairies dancin’ in their dreams. The Wizard was later heard saying, “Whoever let them out needs put them back in their cage”, advice that would none too soon for Allyson Edwards and her “Sluggernauts” in spite of Allyson’s gals packing a mean punch. Still, piling up points is as important as anything else for both teams making the amount of offensive firepower either can bring to bear the final determining factor. Nevertheless, while the Jugs are a legitimate contender, Aaron Rogers taking the week off may soften their blows enough to allow the Dogs to win a split decision, and cover. Wizard’s Winner...Dogs. |
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The Scorecard
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Week 10 2012
BLZ @ GRE (-3.5) |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
10
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