TheBDFL.com                         The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League                               2012

Wizardz Winnerz - Week 14

By: The Wizard

Armadillos vs. Wizards

There’s little doubt Merlin and the “Pixie Pirates” have been so bad in 2012 they could screw up a wet dream. The Wizards have exhausted virtually every conceivable way to lose this season, and have even invented a few new ones although getting tattooed with an “A.W.” many weeks seems to be their loss of choice. Even though ineptitude has combined with some key injuries to consign the Wizards to “bottom feeder” status, it is unlikely to draw much sympathy from BDFL rookie Kurt Prewitt and his “Lone Star Eye-talian Stallions” this weekend as the Armadillos will be looking to make the quick trip to Tampa Town, take in the sites (i.e. hit as many of the 49 strip clubs as possible then leave town just ahead of the law), and tune up for the BDFL championship series by pummeling the hapless Wizards. The Wizardo always says “if ya’ gonna’ go ugly, go ugly early. That way you get the best of the uglies.”, some sage advice ELVO followed by painting a 7.5 point target on the Dillos…but even that is not enough.

Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.

Cheetahs vs. Bullets

Butch Neal and his “Burlesque Bimbos” officially crossed into uncharted territory by most likely clinching the points total title in the Graybeard Division, 2nd in points overall, yet will spend the holiday tossin’ mullets with the rest of the BDFL “dip $*!^$” in Gulf Shores after falling three games below .500 with only one to play. The Cheetahs have an enviable point total, but a record that smells like a “house of ill repute” on Saturday morning at low tide was ultimately their demise. On the other side, Bullet and the “Benton Dixie Chicks” are three games over .500 yet are still headed to Gulf Shores for the Big Mullet Series due to a paltry point total that has them on par with the woeful Wiz. Perhaps Butch and Bullet can “reduce their carbon footprint” and car pool to the Gulf Coast. 

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Sloth Monsters

Even fighting their way through practically every gang in New York City on their way to Coney Island after being falsely accused of assassinating Cyrus at a gang rally was hardly any more impressive a feat for the original Warriors of the self titled movie fame as has been the six week rumble that Jaimie and the “Black Crick Woodskins” have been on after dropping their first seven and facing one do-or-die game after another. Even better, the Warriors stand on the precipice of earning a miraculous playoff berth with a win over Mike Dismukes and his “Tri-toed Tree Huggers” on Sunday. Not even leading the Gardendale Church League seven years running in shots taken, number of sweat bands worn simultaneously, and whining to the referee he was “mugged” after each missed shot quite lives up to this. The Great Wizardo says to not be too dismissive of the Sloth Monsters, a team that is also playoff bound and would like nothing better than to end Jaimie’s bid for immortality with a season ending loss. Unfortunately for Mukes, their “immovable object” will find themselves roughly shoved to the side by Jaimie “irresistible force” come Sunday evening.

Wizard's Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Grenadiers vs. Fighting Slovaks

The “Butterfly Effect” is a theory that says something as insignificant as a butterfly gently flapping its wings in Japan can set a cascade of events in motion that can lead to a tornado in Kansas. The Great Wizardo has always been somewhat skeptical of such theories although the assassination of the heir to the Austrian throne by a lone Serbian nationalist set in motion a cataclysmic chain of events that lead to a pair of world wars that left much of Europe and Japan devastated while claiming in excess of perhaps 50 million lives. While certainly compelling, it wasn’t until this seasons rise the “BrOakBack Mountain EuroPeons” rise to contender status that the Wizard began to take the “Butterfly Effect” more seriously because it is said you will “hear of wars, rumors of wars, and the rise of the Anti-Christ as sure harbingers of the coming of the apocalypse.” The Great Wizardo thinks you could include the Fightin' Slovaks as BDFL contenders among that list and begin hoarding food, guns, and bullets now.

Wizard's Winner…the Grenadiers.

Gamblers vs. Juggernauts
The only silver lining for Kenny Breal and the “Wagin’ Cajuns” in 2012 is that they easily have the shortest commute to Gulf Shores for the Big Mullet Series. That being said, the Wizard is confident the Gamblers would much rather be going "all in" on the final table of the BDFL championship series than saving on gas money. Their opponent will be Allyson Edwards’ “Ambulance Chasin’ Amazons”, a team that bar something of a collapse should punch their ticket to the playoffs this weekend. Going fast and turning left are the only real points of importance at Allyson’s home track, Talladega Superspeedway, and the Great Wizardo says it won’t take a game plan any more complex than that to take care of the Gamblers, and cover.
Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Mayors vs. Blitz
Patiently waiting in a long line and getting close to the front when whatever you’re buying runs out can be particularly frustrating, and is likely what Jerry Fritz and the “Tuscaloosa Blundering Turds” are feeling at the moment as a playoff worthy point total will still have them standing aside due to a horrific five games below .500 record as less worthy teams punch their ticket to the “Big Dance” next weekend. Meanwhile, Alan Arrington and the “Merry Monarchs” (Wizard’s Note: It was not uncommon for madness, depression, and other severe mental diseases to afflict European royalty since they often married too close to the gene pool thinking that forming dynasties with other countries made breeding idiots an acceptable casualty. One king of France in the 15th century descended into and out of madness as often as he changed his clothes and often times thought he was made of glass and would shatter if touched) are merely looking to advance their playoff seeding heading into the weekend. While Alan will be tempted to rest his starters, it won’t really matter since they will not cover no matter who is in the opening line-up.
Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.
 

PowerSleds vs. Wildcats

Mr. Barnes and his “One Eyed Lumber Jacks” tend to do things in bunches. Whether breeding kids like particularly fertile rabbits or taking home BDFL titles two at a time, popping things out like a pez dispenser is always at the top of Jack’s wish list. Assuming the Wizard’s conventional wisdom is true, which of course it is given it hails from the Wizard himself; the PowerSleds should be stoking their engines for a repeat of their 2011 championship run. The Sleds went back-to-back the first two years of the BDFL before hibernating for about fifteen years before awakening from their long slumber to win the title a third time last season. Nevertheless, Jack should take careful notes when they travel to Western Hills to play the “Stray Cats” on Sunday because they could easily face this bunch of felines again in Week 17 with all the marbles on the line. That being said, the Wizard thinks the PowerSleds have too many horses under the hood to get derailed by Jerry and the Wildcats this week, or even in the playoffs.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Woosiers vs. Dogs

Mark Burr and the “Coalburg Miner’s Daughters” sit on the very bottom of their division, yet in all likelihood will be dialing for BDFL dollars in Week 15 due to the “Bullet Rule” taking down BDFL contenders faster than the Black Plague. (Wizard’s Note: Although plagues were a common pestilence in medieval Europe and the known world, the most famous of the plagues was called the Black Plague, or sometimes the Bubonic Plague for the dark lumps it formed on its victims, and struck in the middle of the 15th century while doing more than anything to bring the 100 Year’s War to at least a prolonged standstill. The plague was originally thought to have been brought to Europe by ship from a distant country across the Mediterranean Sea and was transmitted via fleas using rats as their mode of transportation. It is believed the Plague eventually became airborne while slaughtering from one-third to half of Europe’s population.) One of those casualties are Tommy Todd and the Woosiers, a team that sports a healthy lead over the Dogs in the point standings yet are being dragged beneath the waves by a record that is well south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Regardless, the Woosiers are Mullet Bowl bound next week, and the Dogs will send them on their way while reminding them you drive for show and putt for dough

Wizard’s Winner...the Dogs.

The Scorecard

Latest Lines

Week 14 2012

ARM (-7.5) @ WIZ
CHE (-2.5) @ BUL
WOO (-1.5) @ DOG
GRE @ FS (-3.5)
GAM @ JUG (-5.5)
PS @ WIL (P)
MAY (-2.5) @ BLZ
WW (4.5) @ SM

OPEN: ALL TEAMS PLAYING

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