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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Armadillos vs. Juggernauts Allyson Edwards has been holding extra rehearsals this week for her “Jugtown Jubilees” in preparation for their prime time game with Kurt Prewitt and the high flying “KarmaDillos”, who have kept their ying and yang in almost perfect balance for much of their rookie campaign. The Juggernauts are, in all likelihood, play off bound barring a dramatic collapse, but the Great Wizardo strongly suspects outside of soloist Aaron Rodgers the Nauts are off key far more than on. Because of the Wizard’s unerring visionary genius to see such subtle events as they occur, he says it should surprise no one if the Armadillos exploit Allyson and her “One Trick Pony” this weekend in Lincoln. While Allyson has high hopes of leaving the Armadillos as road kill, it is “Naut” to be as the visitors will scurry back west with a “dubya” while covering the spread to add insult to injury. Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.
Wildcats vs. Woosiers Tommy Todd’s Smoke Rise Woosiers have looked more like the “Choke Then Dies Loosiers” recently as their play off solid point total is in very serious danger of being undermined by the infamous “Bullet Rule” after they were pushed to the brink last weekend after rolling over for the Sleds in particularly disappointing fashion. In Rocky III Clubber Lang refused Rocky’s challenge to a rematch, and after beating Rocky senseless in their first fight who could blame him, sneering “I do not accept the challenge because he is no challenge. However, I will take the opportunity to beat on him some more!!!” Later in the movie Apollo Creed inspires Rocky by yelling “There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow!” during a crucial training sequence. An inspiration that must have worked since Rocky went on to, predictably, win the fight, something Tommy hopes his Woosiers can duplicate on Sunday against Jerry James and his “Man-eating Fe-Lions.” Unfortunately, the Woosiers don’t have a director to script a perfect ending meaning when the credits roll they will be taking the exit that leads to Gulf Shores. Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.
Blitz vs. Cheetahs Another possible first is in the making for the BDFL during a wacky 2012 regular season. Not only could a team own the league’s best record and still be banished to the Big Mullet Series (Grenadiers), Butch Neal and the Cheetahs could “win” the Graybeard Division yet join Chris in Gulf Shores for the holidays unless they win out and avoid the dreaded “Bullet Rule.” With no margin for error, the Cheetahs are expected to be taking in Ex-Lax via an IV drip most of the week to try and drop the pucker factor from redlining at DefCon 4. Of course, if that doesn’t work Butch can always hitch a ride with Chris to the gulf coast to toss mullets. The first domino for the Cats to knock down is Jerry Fritz’s “Big Pharma Bohemians.” Despite a miserable record, the Blitz are far from a push over and will give the Cheetahs all they want come Sunday. Nevertheless, in the end the Schedule Maker will pull just enough strings for Butch to win, and cover the modest spread. Wizard’s Winner...the Cheetahs.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters The Wizard was very saddened to hear that Hewlett “Slim” Dismukes passed away this week at the age of 80. The Dismukes family was always kind to a young and impressionable Wizard in his early years (i.e. they let him eat them out of house & home whenever he wanted), a kindness that is far from forgotten. Over the years, Slim has been the source of countless quotes that always draw a chuckle when repeated, as they frequently are, and on many an occasion have been the source of the Wizard’s “prognosticatorial” genius. Slim Dismukes may have left us in body, but his spirit will always be alive and well in our memories. May the Good Lord see to it that Mr. Dismukes rests in peace. Good bye old friend. You will be missed by many. Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.
Wizards vs. Bullets When the Wizard was an impressionable apprentice during his ill-spent youth, he played Little League baseball for many years. Through a quirk of fate, he seemed to always end up on the same team as Brian Walker. Brian was a great guy and a more than solid ballplayer that normally played second base. Nevertheless, through all those years Brian’s shtick when he made an error was to immediately grab his ankle as if the ball took a bad hop. After grabbing said ankle and grimacing in apparent pain, Brian would hop on one leg for a few seconds, usually the “uninjured” one, limp around shaking his head, perhaps even kick the imaginary rock out of the way for dramatic purposes, then return to his position. In light of his cataclysmically bad season, perhaps the Wizard should adopt a similar strategy. Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.
Grenadiers vs. PowerSleds Chris Hand has worn many hats through the years. First, he was the “Wolfback” on the Gardendale High School 1979 football team that, along with his decal covered helmet, played a key role in leading the Rockets deep into the playoffs during a stellar senior campaign. A feat he duplicated the following spring in baseball. Chris is also still talked about around Bryant-Denney Stadium as the only person to ever shut down future Bama great Joey Jones. After college, he was a terror on the base paths at “Grain Sprangs” in his certified “B” class ballplayer playin’ days. More recently, he is serving as Nick Saban’s go-to man (kinda’ like Irving Spikes was to Jimmy Johnson when he coached the Dolphins) or go-get-me-suck-buddy depending on your viewpoint. Nevertheless, Chris may need to get sized for a new hat as the first team in BDFL history to own the league’s best record yet not make the championship round of eight. As of now, Chris is tossing mullets in Gulf Shores and needs points, and lots of them, if he plans to keep his title hopes afloat. The Great Wizardo sees the Grenadiers either winning or covering on Sunday, but realizes Chris would be more than happy to lose a shoot out if it meant piling on the points. Winners…the Grenadiers.
Dogs vs. Wooden Warriors After spending the entire first half of the regular season primping in preparation to pose with Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle’s leading returning tackler and his son, Nic Hand, for Senior Night, Jaimie Hand finally decided his “Splendid Splinters” may actually need to show up on game day if they expected to win. Given the other approach resulted in seven straight losses to open the season, the Great Wizardo would be hard pressed to disagree. Fortunately for the Warrior Nation, the do-or-die-mode Jaimie has been in recently has led to a five week rumble that has helped dig them out of a very deep hole, and his team will need to stay in it for the balance of the year if they harbor even the faintest title aspirations. Although a life of living dangerously seems to suit the Wooden Warriors, they face a daunting opponent when Mark Burr’s “Tirebitin’ Terriers” arrive on the reservation this weekend. The Dogs should be filling their dance card in the BDFL’s “Big Dance” in a couple of weeks and can knock out one of their potential rivals by beating the Warriors while doing so. Unfortunately for Mark, his red hot opponent will prove too tough to tame on Sunday. Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Mayors vs. Gamblers Alan Arrington and his “City Hall Hooligans” have all but etched a primary victory in stone with two weeks of the regular season left, and are already cranking up their vaunted “Machine” for the general election set to begin in Week 15. Meanwhile, the once proud “New Orleans Cajun Queens” are suffering through the worst season in their storied history with things not getting any easier when they square off with the Mayors on Sunday. “Politics makes strange bedfellows” is one of the Wizard’s most quoted lines, although he receives no royalties for its frequent use, and means political fights can often see two otherwise diametrically opposed sides team up just long enough to fight for a single common cause before retreating to their respective corners. Think bootleggers and preachers working in tandem to keep a county “dry.” This saying also means politicians can be forgiven for anything except getting caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. Think Jessie Jackson, Jr. being “hospitalized” for bipolar disorder, disappearing from public view for over six months, endure a humiliating airing on corruption charges that Jackson illegally used campaign funds to favor friends and family (buying a mistress a $40,000 Rolex was one of them.) that will likely land him in jail, or very close it, yet won his congressional district by an overwhelming majority. While no such accusations have been hurled at the Mayors, at least not yet, the 5.5 point cushion should prove too tall a mountain for Alan to climb. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers. |
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The Scorecard
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Week 13 2012
DOG @ WW (-2.5) OPEN: ALL TEAMS PLAYING |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
13
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