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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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By: The Wizard
Juggernauts vs. Wizards On the cusp of becoming bowl eligible, Allyson Edwards and the “Bra Burners” need one more “victr’y” to qualify. Like manna from heaven, Merlin and the “Hex Hurlers” are next up for the Nauts. So far in 2012 the Wizards’ “magic carpet” has looked more like a doormat for the rest of the BDFL to wipe their collective feet on each week. While on paper the Wizards looked like a potentially formidable team, in reality they have played more like “paper tigers” after having a pair of franchise running backs (MJD & Mendenhall) and a suddenly incompetent Eli Manning drag them down to depths rarely, if ever, seen in the BDFL. That being said, there are so many people in Tampa with tattoos the Wizard assumed upon arrival in town everyone must be given a voucher to get some serious ink applied in order to blend with the locals. While the Wizard has resisted such urges so far, a disastrous season has him thinking he should have an “L” tattooed to his forehead. Not a bad idea, but even a blindfolded pig occasionally finds an acorn. Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards. Blitz vs. Gamblers Although Kenny Breal and the “Wagin’ Cajuns” have officially bowed out of championship contention, in reality their title dreams were last seen swirling around a commode. On the bright side, the Gamblers will have easily the shortest to commute to Gulf Shores for the annual mullet toss for all BDFL losers. Jerry Fritz and the “Druid City Drug Dealers” have fared even worse than the Gamblers with even less “dubyas” than the Gamblers. Still, these two bottom feeders best pay attention because they will likely meet again in the Mullet Series. Speaking of disappointing outcomes, early in the first millennium when the Romans were in the midst of conquering what is now England, the Britons’ Druid priests made their last stand on an island thought to be impregnable because of the Druids’ magic. Unfortunately for the Druid priests, they found out hurling curses may work against a bunch of homegrown heathens, but it didn’t impress the Roman legions who promptly crossed over to the island and slaughtered the Druids in mass. Jerry and the Blitz will meet a similar fate on Sunday. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
Sloth Monsters vs. Dogs Very little has ever escaped Brookside to see its name in lights with the closest thing being the 1972 Brookside “Pony” league team. Even than, its best player was found to be 32 years old, done two tours in Nam, and spent some time in the big house prior to joining the team. The Brookside faithful didn’t see anything wrong with it since he was still in the 7th grade, but the ensuing scandal brought the team down leaving the high points for Brookside to Dwight Slowees, “Hot Dog” Sexton, and being home to the nation’s only Russian Orthodox Church. Mark Burr and the “Coalburg Canines” hope to finally change their communities sordid past and put Brookside on the map with an untainted BDFL title. Standing in their way is Mike Dismukes and the “Goth Monsters”, who are harboring their own hopes of a second BDFL title. Unfortunately for Mukes, untimely injuries will not only doom their title hopes, it will also prevent them from stealing a win on the road. Winners…the Dogs.
Cheetahs vs. Mayors “Cheetahs never prosper” may be a nice old saying. However, it hardly describes Butch Neal’s “Spotted Felines” who have an unprecedented four BDFL titles. Nevertheless, despite a stellar 328 points, Butch will likely swing by the local hardware store prior to the game to pick up some Vaseline and ten penny nails since his Cheetahs’ “pucker factor” is red lining with them needing to win two of the last three just to get their ticket punched to the Big dance. With that in mind, it doesn’t get any easier for the Cheetahs when they take on their division rival Mayors. Alan Arrington has his “Nanny State Ninnies” primed for the play offs with a championship qualifying eight “dubyas” with an equally as impressive point total to match. Even more, the Mayors would like nothing more than to put another nail in his rival’s coffin. However, the Cheetahs are hardly ready to roll over, and will prove to the rest of the league there’s plenty of fang left in this bunch of pussies. Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Bullets While in the past Adam Slovensky’s Fighting Slovaks could be accused of being “kissin’ cousins” when playing their kin fold, the Hand clan, that is hardly the case this year as the “Joke Mountain Slovaks” are hardly a punch line any more as their relentless march to the play offs has proven. Nevertheless, old habits die hard as the Slovaks will learn when they arrive at Trey Pettimore Stadium Sunday afternoon. While Bullet and the “Copperhead Road Confederacy” remember all too well the horse shoe beat downs on July 4th and the BDFL bludgeoning they administered to their cousins every year, they’ll discover their cousins will be bullied no longer. Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.
Wooden Warriors vs. Wildcats When Jaimie Hand was in high school, he was voted the class MVP, “Most Valuable Primper”, for occasionally being late to games because he was too busy primping in front of a mirror to be bothered with actually playing. From the looks of things, the Great Wizardo suspects Jaimie’s “Woodskins” must have pulled a page out their owner’s playbook after going winless the first seven weeks of the season. Despite that horrendous start, the Warriors have reeled off four straight wins and, in turn, have kept their championship bracket hopes alive. However, there is no room for error, nor has there been for the last month, meaning the Warriors must keep hope alive by winning out. Still, the mountain the Warriors have to climb will get a lot steeper when they arrive in Western Hills this weekend to battle Jerry James and the “James Gang.” While the original “James Gang” was famous for a string of brazen bank and train robberies in the late 19th century, their legend is far larger than they ever were in real life with Jesse James meeting an untimely end being shot by a gang member looking for a reward. Fortunately for Jerry, his Wildcats will not meet nearly as grisly an end at the hands of the Wooden Warriors. Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.
Grenadiers vs. Armadillos After sprinting to eight straight wins while patting himself on the back continuously, Chris Hand and his “Goose Stepping, Jack Booted Grenadiers” find themselves getting bogged down in recent weeks in what amounts to trench warfare. Case in point, with three regular season contests remaining, the Grenadiers’ best chance for advancing to the championship series may rely as much on other teams permanently dipping below the “Bullet Line” as anything else since it appears unlikely the Wolfback will amass enough points to go dancing on his own dime. Standing in their way is Kurt Prewitt and the “Lone Star Tumbleweeds”, who have taken the league by storm in their inaugural season. While the Grenadiers will no doubt be looking to go on the offensive often and early, they would be just as happy to fight a rear guard action as they retreat if it means piling up points. However, the Grenadiers won’t be able to squeeze something through the back door that won’t fit through the front. Wizard’s Winner…the Armadillos.
Woosiers vs. PowerSleds Dick’s hat band isn’t as tight as these two BDFL teams are heading into the regular season home stretch. Both sport nifty 287 point totals, but both also must win two of their next three to make it to the playoffs. Since one of them must lose on Sunday, the loser will be pushed to the brink while the winner will gain some much needed breathing room. On one side, Jack Barnes and the “West Jefferson Wabash Cannon Ball” is pourin’ on the coals in hopes that they will be at ramming speed when Tommy Todd and his “Love Guns” arrive at the Dolodome. ELVO rates this as a toss up, and the Great Wizardo agrees. However, in the end the Woosiers will be firing too many blanks to knock the PowerSleds off track long enough to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Wizard’s Winner...the PowerSleds. |
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The Scorecard
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Week 12 2012
BLZ @ GAM (P) |
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Wizardz Winnerz - Week
12
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