Mayors (1.5) vs. Grenadiers

It’s a safe bet Chris Hand and the “Go Nads” are having Elephantias of their giblets meaning someone besides Chris’ nads can finally ride shotgun. Beyond that the Great Wizardo can’t see any other real advantages in what has been a forgettable season for the Grenadiers. Nevertheless, the Grenadiers can foil any playoff plans Alan Arrington and the “City Hall Hooligans” may harbor, as remote as they may be, by hanging a fatal 8th loss on the Mayors this weekend. As a well heeled politician and BDFL “shadow commissioner”, Alan is used to cutting deals in smoky backrooms to further his agenda. Still, he will himself trumped by the real commissioner when the day is done.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

 

Wizards vs. Blitz (-4.5)

Speaking of forgettable seasons, Merlin and the “Pasco County Purple Squirrels” have socked away precious few nuts so far in 2011, and do not appear to be heading in the right direction given their consistently poor performances meaning it may be a long, cold, hungry winter for The Wizards. Meanwhile, Jerry Fritz and “Tuscaloosa Thundering Herd” have more closely “Bumbling Turds” in recent weeks as their playoff hopes have begun to fade like an old pair of blue jeans. In desperate need of “dubyas”, the Blitz are welcoming in the next closest bet to a sure thing in the Wizards. However, 4.5 points for a “one trick pony” like the Blitz is a lot to lay, the Great Wizardo declines to take the bet.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

 

Wooden Warriors (-3.5) vs. Dogs

Back in Jaimie’s glory days, as defensive back during key drills the familiar “Pass…ball…bango!” phrase referenced by the Iron Hand was a familiar one. While Jaimie and the other DB’s were taking turns teeing off on scrub wide receivers (Wizard’s Note: Alabama State HOF Coach Eddie Bruce would call the same pass again if it had worked against his beloved defensive secondary almost guaranteeing some unlucky sophomore receiver would end up getting squashed by a host of defenders since they knew where the play was going.) Mark Light managed to finagle getting to take part in key drills instead of driving the sled with the other lineman although he never dropped back in pass coverage and on every play would jog up field, raise his arms and yell “Pass….ball...bango!” Pretty ingenious if you ask the Great Wizardo.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

 

Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters (-7.5)

With a mere three weeks until moving day in the BDFL, time is running out for Mike Dismukes and the “Groovy Ghoulies” to make the final cut. With a .500 and a 40 point deficit between his Sloths and the Wooden Warriors, it’s time to show ‘em if ya’ got ‘em, and there’s no one better to do that against than the BDFL perennial doormats that are the “Helena ALFA Males”, who are more akin to “Omega Males” when it comes to the BDFL peckin’ order than anything else.  The Wizard’s crystal balls, he has two now in case one goes on IR, sees Mukes and company doing the monster mash on the visitors. As expected, ELVO is danglin’ 7.5 points for the Great Wizardo to nibble on, and the Great Wizardo is taking it hook, line, sinker, and even the boat if he can stuff it in his prodigious belly.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

 

Cheetahs (-2.5) vs. PowerSleds

When the Great Wizardo narrowly avoided the FBI dragnet that scooped up so many HealthSouth employees as the multi-billion dollar scandal erupted earlier in the decade, he decided to do what many criminals do which was to hide in Florida until heat subsided somewhat. Unfortunately, it’s almost six years later and the Wizard is still stuck in gator country even though at least the wine and the women are free although the Wizard’s ol’ lady ain’t necessarily too crazy about either. Still, the Wizard was smart enough to saddle his ol’ lady with two kids before she knew what hit her, and has been riding her coat tails ever since. It’s good work if you can get it.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

 

Woosiers (-6.5) vs. Juggernauts

After sneaking across the Florida state line one step ahead of the Feds, the Wizard settled his family outside of Tampa in a town named Hudson, an area where being called white trash is considered an honor and means you’re on the deeper end of the social pool, and gene pool for that matter. Enough so that wearing an ankle bracelet donated by the local police department was considered accessorizing. It was into this armpit of the world that the Wiz rented a house for 18 long months over which time he saw things he didn’t realize humans were capable of doing. An area across the highway was so renowned for its KKK past that if you strolled though it without a white sheet and a hood, the locals were kind enough to give you one. The final straw was when in the Wizard’s neighborhood a neighbor accidentally rammed his truck into another’s car before leaving the scene of the accident. When the neighbor with the damaged car went to his house to inquire, the joy riding neighbor had the audacity to say someone must have stolen his truck and ran it into the other’s car before being nice enough to return it. Not sure if that excuse flew or not. The next day the Wizard’s ol’ lady said through clenched teeth, “Get me out of the #*# @*($ neighbor hood now!” before angrily stalking away, and it wasn’t long before the moving vans were out in front of the Wizard’s lair.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

 

Gamblers (-5.5) vs. Bullets

Traveling to Benton, AL and Trey Pettimore Stadium to play the “Rebel Rabble” is only best attempted if you can pick a mean “Duelin’ Banjos” or learned a thing or two from Charlie after two tours in Vietnam about camoflaugin’ marijuana plants in the hill country. Not being overly competent in either of those endeavors, Kenny Breal and his “Bayou Yahoos” will have to count on what he got from his father, who was a gamblin’ man himself down in Georgia before ending up on the wrong end of a gun, when they invade Sunday afternoon. The Gamblers pace the rest of the BDFL and are almost a lock to take home the #1 seed at the Big Dance while the Bullets are in dire need of some point explosions if they want to slip in the back door what won’t fit through the front. The Great Wizardo (all great prognosticators refer to themselves in the third person) likes the Gamblers to tear through Benton leaving little behind outside of the smell of whisky burnin’ out on Copperhead Road, and although 5.5 points is a lot to give to a Bullet team that has found ways to win, even if unimpressively, the Wizard says it still ain’t quite enough to sway him.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.