Sloth Monsters vs. Dogs

Mark Burr and the “Wonder Dogs” looked more like the “Blunder Dogs” last week although a giant assist from the schedule maker kept them on the right score of a poorly played game. A “dubya” that kept them above the “Bullet” line and in playoff contention. Unfortunately for Mark, the schedule maker did them no favors in sending Mike Dismukes and his “Groovy Ghoulies”, a team that has begun to find its groove despite a horrid Week 7 performance that saw them ring up a paltry three spot. Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo says ELVO must have been smokin’ some “wacky tobacky” when he made the Dogs the favorite, and to expect the Sloths to leap back up on their limb by giving the Dogs a thrashing they shan’t soon forget.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

 

PowerSleds vs. Bullets

Coming off a tough loss last Sunday will make for a less than pleasant week for Jack Barnes and the “Fairfield Sleigh Riders”, and trip to Trey Pettimore Stadium may not do much to brighten their outlook on life. There was a time when Jack and the Sleds popped out BDFL titles like a Pez dispenser, something he now reserves for breeding a passel full of young ‘uns, but it has been some time since those glory days. Nevertheless, the PowerSleds have enough horses under the hood to keep up with Bullet and his souped up former Johnson County Sheriff’s big block Dodge when the green flag drops on Copperhead Road Sunday afternoon, and, according to the legendary Wizard, should be able to keep within the 2.5 point spread ELVO’s layin’ down.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

 

Juggernauts vs. Gamblers

A trip to the Big Easy is always a recipe for a good time, but can be the veritable kiss-of-death for BDFL teams in town to take on Kenny Breal and his “Delta Diamond Studs”, softball studs that is. Despite that, Allyson Edwards and the “Bra Burners” plan to take their glass ceiling shattering, good-ol’-boy bustin brand of radical feminism to New Orleans to do just that. The Nauts are coming off an impressive win in Week 7 that left the Wizard scratchin’ his head more than his balls, which is never a good indication of his weekly prognostications. There’s little doubt the Gamblers will welcome the Juggernauts to Bourbon Street in hopes that a long weekend in the French Quarter will make for a long day on the gridiron as well. Even worse, Kenny will be microwaving his Tahiti Blue Dots and squeezing into his tightest “Heartbeat of America” wife beater tee shirt and his green and gold polyester coaching shorts in time for the kickoff, and the Wizard thinks that will be enough to carry the day while covering the hefty 6.5 point spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

 

Mayors vs. Blitz

Back in his ill spent youth, the young but impressionable Wizard had a major crush on Deborah Harry, Stevie Nicks, and Olivia Newton-John. Trying to decide which one he would wed and bed was a problem so vexing he strongly considered the alternative of moving to Nevada, marrying all three, forming a cult, raising an army of rug rats, and possibly going on a Manson-esque crime spree, less the murders of course, going to prison, writing a tell-all book, and cashing in on an average made-for-television mini-series, which were all the rage back then. Despite abandoning what seemed like a can’t-miss plan at the time, the Wizard carried a torch for all of three ladies, and has convinced himself that Stevie Nicks must have carried a similar torch for him given she never married or had children. While strange but sad, the Wizard owes it to his legions of fans to peek behind the curtain every now and again.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

 

Fighting Slovaks vs. Wizards

Even the Schedule Maker is beginning to feel sorry for Merlin and the “Lollipop Guild” as their season appears to be inevitably going down faster than the “Goodship Lollipop” did in Peppermint Bay by teeing up the Fighting Slovaks for the second time in three weeks. After suffering their fifth straight loss, and six of seven, the Wizards are a mere two games away from booking a trip to “Mulletville”, a feat that would give them the dubious distinction of having dibs on the best beach spot. Still, if there is a chance to hold back the stench of a losing season, at least for the time being, Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Hooligans” will be the equivalent of “Custer’s Last Stand” for the Wiz. Even ELVO is taunting Merlin by making a team that can barely play dead a 1.5 point favorite against his woebegone Wizards. Bait the Great Wizardo can hardly resist taking hook, line, and sinker.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

 

Woosiers vs. Grenadiers

It doesn’t take much more than a wiggle coming out of a turn to send you sliding up the track and reeling to the back of the pack in the muscled-up Red Neck Division, something Tommy Todd and the “Woo Tang Clan” have learned much to their dismay after posting 190 points through seven weeks of play. A number that would have had them near the front of the Graybeards and practically in first place in the Greenhorn, but instead has them on the bottom looking up in their own division. However, the Great Wizardo says the “feast-or-famine” ways of the Woosiers are the main culprits behind their demise, which culminated in not only throwing up, literally, a 10 spot last Sunday, but doing so against a team that managed a meager 16 points of its own. Sporting a sub-.500 level record places increasing pressure on the Woosiers to even remain playoff eligible, but alas there is help on the way in the form of Chris Hand and his “Grinning Dandies”, who have been vomiting their way through the 2011 season thus far. Even ELVO realizes his alter ego is a forlorn hope as his 4.5 spread indicates, but fortunately for the Great Wizardo ELVO is blinded to the true sense of desperation in the Grenadier camp.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

 

Cheetahs vs. Wooden Warriors

After suffering their first loss of the season, Jaimie Hand and the “Woodskins” are sure to be on the warpath come Sunday afternoon when Butch Neal and his “Wanton Riverchase Wenches” bring their tawdry reputations and four BDFL titles to the reservation this weekend. Both teams pace their respective divisions and at the moment seem to have their tickets to the Big Dance safely punched. Nevertheless, a loss would put the Cheetahs back at .500 and on the brink of sliding into “Bulletville” while the Warriors are anxious to staunch the bleeding from their first loss before the rest of the league catches the scent and begins to school around the now injured prey. The Wooden Warriors have been finding ways to win all season, and may well do so again this Sunday against the Cheetahs, but the Great Wizardo says they won’t be able to take enough scalps by day’s end to cover the hefty 5.5 points ELVO has slathered on to the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.