Woosiers vs. Bullets
As predicted by the eerily accurate Great Wizardo, Billy Ray Cyrus Woo and his “Achy Breaky Hearts” put an A.W. on the Jugs in Week One that will take Ajax and plenty of elbow grease to remove. Still, the Woosiers will have to reload quickly before making the trek to Benton to take on the “Black Belt Bureaucrats” in Week Two. An injury to their kicker (Wizard’s Note: Exactly how does a kicker get hurt?) did not prevent the Bullets from posting impressive numbers on opening day, but it did cost them a vic’try, something they will be sorely tested to garner in this Week Two showdown. Legend has it Cyrus Woo put a beat down on Attila the Hun before the latter decided to try his luck rampaging across Europe, an example the Bullets would be well advised to follow.
Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Gamblers vs. Blitz
Kenny Breal and his “One-Armed Bandits” try their hand at Bryant Denney this Sunday when they will be in town to face Jerry Fritz and the “Pharma Phat Cats”, the latter eager to throw off the stench of a narrow opening day loss despite posting impressive numbers. Unfortunately, the Gamblers are hardly the easy fodder their stadium counterparts, the Crimson Tide, will face a day earlier in North Texas State, meaning they will need all hands at their battle stations when Kenny arrives. While the Gamblers will have their hands full most of the afternoon, some late game heroics by Kenny when he harkens back to his softball glory days should be just enough to salvage the day.
Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Cheetahs vs. Grenadiers
In circa 1981 to 1982, Coach Tommy Morton gathered his baseball team around him to announce that team manager Allen Johnson was there to keep score and perform other duties as assigned by said coach. Coach Morton then went further by announcing, while staring down Tommy Kinney, that Allen was not everyone’s “go-get-get-me-suck-buddy-run-down-to-Jiffy Chek-to-get-me-a-Mt. Dew.” It would seem to the Wizard that the Bama A.D. may need to make the same speech to Nick Saban about his “go-get-me-suck-buddy-run-down-to-Jiffy Chek-to-get-me-a-Lil’ Debbie snack cake”, Chris Hand, especially after the egg they laid in Week One. Still, Butch Neal’s “Cheaters” played so far above their head last week that NASA might require them to check in prior to kick-off on Sunday. However, the Wizardo thinks the airways will be safe enough from flying cats, which is well and good since President Obama practically shuttered NASA, as the Cheetahs come crashing back to earth.
Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

Wizards vs. Sloth Monsters
Merlin and his “Pasco Tabasco Pirates” expected to thunder and plunder through Five Mile Crick and the Dogs last week only to discover the home team had more bite than bark. Of course, no one bothered to tell the Wizard there wouldn’t have been much worth pillaging in Brookside outside of Grandma Slovensky’s leftover apple tarts and barbecue ribs, plus maybe a few rusty horseshoes lying in the backyard, even if the Wizards had won. Things may not be much easier when the Wizard’s flotilla sails into Silver Lakes this weekend to take on the “Woblin’ Goblins” in a second straight inter-divisional rivalry. A suspect ground game for the Wizards and Mukes knowledge of the penal code should be more than enough for the Sloths to cover the spread.
Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Juggernauts
Thirty-six points is supposed to all but guarantee vic’try in the BDFL although Allyson Edwards and the “Rice Rockets” discovered much to their chagrin that not only did the strong point total not produce the expected win, they actually received an A.W. for their trouble. Once again Allyson learns the “good ol’ boy” system is alive and well in the BDFL, and will look to take out her frustration on the visiting “Euro Trash” this weekend. As normal, Adam Slovensky and his Slovaks managed to find a way to stagger out of the gate in Week One by posting a paltry seventeen points despite a loaded starting line up. In other words, it’s business as usual in Helena. Nevertheless, the Wizard is not ready to give up on the carcass that is the Slovak’s normal fare and believes they will get off the deck and keep Allyson winless after two starts.
Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Mayors vs. Power Sleds
Canes and walkers will be selling like hotcakes at the Dolodome this weekend when Jack Barnes and his “Fairfield Mean Machine” welcome their fellow Gray Beard Division rival, the “Magic City Pork Peddlers” to the west side of Birmingham for Week Two of the young BDFL season. The Sleds took down the Grenadiers in their opener despite a shoddy performance, at least “shoddy” is what the Wizard thought he heard fans when describing the Sleds/Grenadiers performance, and hope to build on the win by getting out of the starting blocks quickly with a two-game winning streak. Meanwhile, the thought of a second straight loss, even this early, has the Mayors’ sphincters already drawing up, at least as much as you could expect them to, at the thought of stumbling out of the gate with a pair of losses. Nevertheless, a second loss it will be for the Mayors after the PowerSleds run roughshod over the visitors.
Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

Dogs vs. Wooden Warriors
After slipping past the Wizards in Week One, Mark Burr and the “Furry Curs” will need to have their hackles standing up a bit more when they travel to The Reservation to take on Jaimie Hand and the “Wandering Woodskins” on Sunday. The Wooden Warriors used their connections with the Iron Hand to get a break from the schedule maker in Week One as payback for all of the beat downs Chris used to give Jaimie back in their Hand Lane days, something Chris was happy to oblige by teeing up the Slovaks. Unfortunately for the Dogs, while they found their first foray into the Green Horn Division much to their liking, the Great Wizardo says a second bite at the apple won’t prove nearly as tasty.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.