Dogs vs. Woosiers

It was a banner freakin’ week at the old Wizard household last. Not quite good enough to earn the Wiz a carton of cigarettes and “Smoke up Johnny!” exhortation from his ol’ lady, but milestone was passed nonetheless. To set the stage, the Wizard believes his brilliant, witty, awe inspiring prognosticatorial skills and comment have never received their due credit. Case in point, the Wizard’s Ol’ Lady turned 50 this week leading the Wizard to tell her it was “time to trade her in on two 25 year old replacements”, something the Wizard found to be rather amusing. However, a few nights sleeping on the sofa has since caused him to reconsider this original viewpoint.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

 

Wizards vs. Mayors

Merlin and his “Dixie Pixies” have found themselves on the short end of the score through five of the first six weeks of the year. Because of such a horrendous performance thus far in 2011, capped off by a loss to the lowly Slovaks, they find themselves approaching the “Bullet Rule” zone at a terrifying speed. Fortunately for the Wizards, the Schedule Maker is doing his best to prop up this motley crew by sending them packing on an all expenses paid trip to Birmingham to play Alan Arrington and the “Inside-the-Beltway Gang”, another team with but a single “dubya” to their credit. Since misery loves company, these two should get along famously this weekend although the Great Wizardo says the Merlin shouldn’t be making plans to eat any “vic’try chicken” Sunday evening after being handed a “gimme” and then blowing it in Week Six against the Slovaks.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

 

Grenadiers vs. Bullets

The Great Wizardo could be heard cackling endlessly this week while reminiscing on “How times have changed down on Hand Lane.” Time was when down Fieldstown Road just before Jew Hollow, Chris Hand ruled the roost amongst the young ‘uns on Hand Lane. Whether it was “king of the mountain”, a foot race, or a simple brotherly spat settled by a few sharp insults and some wild punches, Chris was the undisputed champ. Unfortunately for Chris and his “T-town Trollops”, time marches on continuously and the tables have been turned in 2011, at least as far as the peckin’ order in the BDFL is concerned. While the Bullets sport a nifty .667 winning percentage, the Grenadiers are struggling mightily by only winning at a .333 clip. Still, the Schedule Maker has been unduly kind to the Bullets so far this season as their winning record still leaves them in last place, though only a hand full of points out of second, in their division. Because of that, now would be a perfect time to “run it up for the bowl scouts” as Bucket used to say when big bro’ Chris and his bunch arrive at Trey Pettimore Stadium Sunday evening. While the Wizard thinks the Bullets are the better team, and will prove it by nightfall on Sunday, they won’t cover the generous spread ELVO heaped on the visitors.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

 

Sloth Monsters vs. Cheetahs

Early in the year and in spite of the dynasty Butch Neal has built on the poorly lit stages of the Cheetah III, the legendary Wizardo saw more “paper tiger” in the 2011 edition of the Cheetahs than anything else although the “Gritty Kitties” have clung to the top spot in the Graybeard Division standings through six weeks of play. Nevertheless, the Wizard’s preternatural ability to “see that what cannot be seen” still believes all of the smoke and mirrors surrounding the Cheetahs have a hidden meaning. Namely, that the Cheetahs are all fluff and flesh. Just as the dimly lit stages at Butch’s favorite hang out help mask the age and hard living on his dancers, the Wizard says it’s having the same effect on hiding obvious flaws on the Cheetahs roster, flaws that will begin to become more evident starting this week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

 

Wooden Warriors vs. Juggernauts

The old adage “I’d rather be lucky than good” is apropos for Jaimie Hand and the “Splintered Splendors” after a rather paltry 169 point total, good for last place in the Redneck Division and in the bottom half of the Graybeard, not only leaves them at the top of the Greenhorn, if only barely, but also sees them sporting the only undefeated record across the BDFL. In describing the Warriors, the Great Wizardo says “They don’t have to be fast enough to outrun the bear. Just fast enough to outrun the teams beside ‘em.” Next in line to try and knock the Warriors off their lofty perch are Allyson Edwards and her “Bra Burnin’ Rice Rockets”, a team in the middle of their division yet one still harboring play off ambitions. The Nauts are not a team to be taken lightly although bye weeks have decimated much of their horsepower leaving them with a motor more akin to something you might find in grandma’s old sewing machine, and hardly enough to bag any big game, especially in the BDFL.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

 

Blitz vs. Fighting Slovaks

The Wizard says that the “sun shines on every dog’s butt at least once”, which he thought was an accurate assessment regarding Adam Slovensky’s Fighting Slovaks finally getting off the “schnide” and notching their first “dubya” of 2011. Although it was against the equally as lowly Wizards, given the Slovaks’ track record you quickly learn to take the “if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with” approach and settle for anything. That win notwithstanding, the “Behind-the-Iron-Curtain Brigade” steps back into the reality of the rough ‘n tumble BDFL when they square off against the surprising “Big Pharma Bavarians” in Helena on Sunday afternoon. While sporting a less than stellar .500 record, the Blitz are clearly in the thick of the play off race and know it is “go time” in T-town if they plan to go somewhere besides Gulf Shores for the holidays. Although the Wiley Ol’ Wizard can hardly argue with ELVO favoring the Blitz in this match up, the 7.5 spread is a little too much for the Wizard to swallow, especially given the over/under might not even be 7.5 points with bye week decimated rosters plaguing both squads.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

 

Gamblers vs. PowerSleds

Jack Barnes and his “Motor City Mad Men” are scrambling for position in the BDFL peckin’ order, but have a mighty tall task in front of them this weekend when they host Kenny Breal and his “Dialin’ 8 Delta Devils” at the Dolodome Sunday afternoon. Back in the day “dialin’ 8” was a term coined to describe a home run hitting slugger since the number “8” was always pressed first on a hotel phone when calling long distance. (Wizard’s Note: The Slovaks will get the ”dialin’ 8” reference by Week 9, Week 11 at the latest.) So far in 2011, Kenny and his Gamblers have obviously spent plenty of time in the weight room pumpin’ themselves and regaining their glory days as their number one ranking in the BDFL readily attests to through six weeks of action. Even more the Gambler line up is strong from top to bottom so pitching around too may players is not much of an option for the Sleds. However, the Great Wizardo says Jack has enough horses under the hood to keep the score close, and certainly within ELVO’s generous 5.5 point spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.