Bullets vs. Juggernauts

Joan of Arc achieved in less than two years what the flower of the French nobility largely could not accomplish throughout much of the Hundred Years War with England. Namely, leading the French to several rousing victories over the English, armed with little more than her faith and virginity. Victories that set the stage for the French to eventually sweep the English from the European mainland only to be rewarded by being burned at the stake as a heretic by the English after her capture, an execution that happened while a less than grateful French king sat idly by and allowed it to happen. Allyson Edwards and her “Merry Maidens” are following a similar route in the BDFL this year although the Wizard thinks they should be called the “Joan of Narcs” having drug much of the BDFL up and down the proverbial field this season with little to show for their efforts including a modest .400 record. Nevertheless, the Nauts will get a chance to square their record on Sunday when they face Bullet and his “Shag Kings” down at the local juke joint. Unfortunately for Bullet, they will find the disco inferno Allyson unleashes will force them to leave the kitchen.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

 

Grenadiers vs. Sloth Monsters

After finding the sledding much tougher than expected in their intra-divisional match-ups, Chris Hand and the “Banana Eatin’ Cock Studs” have discovered their “Heartbeat of America” wife beater tee shirts, two-sizes-too-small fire engine red polyester shorts, and Puma coachin’ shoes strike little fear into the hearts of their fellow BDFL competitors. In a bid to turn the tables, the Grenadiers are hopeful some intra-divisional play may be the cure to what ails them. Next up is Mike Dismukes and the “Silver Slims” at Silver Lakes Field on Sunday, a team that will do anything but offer themselves up as fodder for the visitors. The Grenadiers have spent plenty of time in the weight room pumpin’ themselves in a vain attempt to turn their season around although the Wizard says it will be all for naught as the Sloths hang yet another defeat on the Grenadiers.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

 

Dogs vs. Cheetahs

“Move over Rover, and let Jimmie take over” was a famous lyric from an equally as famous song by Jimmie Hendrix, a line Butch Neal and his “Frisky Felines” will no doubt have on their mind when they invade Five Mile Crick. The Cheetahs stumbled for the first time in 2011 and are very eager to get back in the winning column in Week Six. Still, the Dogs will hardly roll over and play dead for the visitors although it will take more than a few raised hackles to strike any fear into the Cheetahs. Fortunately, when the Dogs start looking for a little paradise by the dashboard light, they will find that path has been worn out through frequent use, and should have no trouble covering, or even winning outright.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

 

Woosiers vs. Gamblers

Tommy Todd and the “West Blount Haymakers” finally got back in the win column in Week Five although it hardly took much to floor the weak-chinned Wizards. However, the “Woo Crew” will face a much sterner test on Sunday when they climb between the ropes to battle Kenny Breal and the “Wagin Cajuns”, the latter a team that sits atop of their division and of the BDFL as a whole. These two teams may well face one another again at some point in the playoffs, so making a good first impression will be at the top of each one’s list. If it goes the distance, and it likely will, the Great Wizardo says the Gamblers will back the Woosiers into the ropes and work the body before putting the visitors down for the count.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

 

Wizards vs. Fightin' Slovaks

This match-up is between a pair of Greenhorn cellar dwellers racing to see who can finish last and claim the top pick in the 2012 Genuine Draft. That neither team realizes the draft does not select in reverse order of their finish should surprise no one, at least based on each team’s performance thus far in 2012. The Great Wizardo thought Adam Slovensky and his “Helena Hip Hop Heathens” walked away with a more than solid team after the draft although he failed to take into account the Slovaks unerring ability screw up a wet dream when it came to the BDFL, something the Slovaks have been more than happy to put on display through five weeks of the season. No to be outdone, Merlin and the “Munchkin Bumpkins” have had the curtains drawn back on their season to expose they are little more than smoke and mirrors. Still, one team has to win, and it could be either, but the Wizards will be hard pressed to score 6.5 points, much less cover by that amount.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fightin' Slovaks.

 

Blitz vs. PowerSleds

Utility companies typically have a government mandated monopoly that eliminates outside competition, and the same was true of Jack Barnes and the “Fairfield Power Company” through the first two seasons of the BDFL’s existence as they took home the hardware both times leaving the rest of the league wondering if this would become an annual event. Alas, it was not be as the PowerSleds watched on in abject terror as those glory days largely turned to gory ones over subsequent years. That being said, the Sleds have fielded a legitimate contender in 2011 that may end that drought as soon as this season. Opposing them will be Jerry Fritz and the “T-Town Thundering Herd”, a team that has certainly taken its lumps during the Blitz’s first few years in a league known for eating its young, yet sports a modest record and point total that leaves them teetering on the brink of climbing the BDFL rankings or falling into oblivion. In the end, the PowerSleds will find that cruise control should be more than enough to run down the anemic Blitz, leaving Jerry as road kill in their wake and the Blitz as a whole questioning the 2011 campaign.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

 

Wooden Warriors vs. Mayors

If the trees still have their leaves intact, Jaimie Hand and the “Bingin’ Injuns” must be in the thick of the BDFL championship fight, an old adage that proves remarkably accurate yet again as the Wooden Warriors sport the BDFL’s lone undefeated record through five weeks of play. Meanwhile, Alan Arrington the “Pork Barrel Bureaucrats” are finding their constituency to be less and less tolerant as one poor performance after another begins to pile up. The Great Wizardo, as is normally the case, accurately foresaw a tough row to hoe for the Mayors after draft night, and the Mayors have done nothing to dispel that prediction. With his poll numbers slipping to catastrophic levels, the Wizard sees some panic in the Mayors’ camp, but strongly suspects it will do little to turn the tide in a season gone horribly awry, and that even the heavy 4.5 point doled out by ELVO will not be enough to deter the outcome.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.