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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

2009 Week 9

Wizards vs. Bullets

After building impressive leads following Sunday’s action the last two weeks, Merlin and the “Magical Mystery Tour” lost their Monday night “mojo” after watching those leads evaporate and turn certain wins into painful defeats. Unfortunately for the Wizards, it doesn’t get any easier this week when they travel up the lost highway to Benton to take on the “Lowndes County Lounge Lizards” who have been lighting up opponents like a Christmas tree much of the year. To make matters worse, the Wizards can hardly expect to find any friendly faces at Trey Pettimore Stadium when they arrive where they’ll be met by a host of “stars & bars” waving hillbillies with bad intentions. However, the Wizard senses a let down by the Bullets and predicts they won’t find enough “purdy” mouths to suit their taste and that the pig squealin’ may fall on deaf ears as well.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Blitz vs. Wooden Warriors

Jaimie Hand and the “One Trick Pony Woodskins” have battled their way into the thick of the playoff hunt, primarily on the back of Maurice Jones-Drew after he exploded for huge days in recent weeks despite seeing his Jags go down to defeat. While most untrained observers, ELVO being one of them, gawk at the impressive numbers and fall over themselves to lay their hard earned dollars on the Warriors, it is only the Great Wizardo that looks behind the curtain to see a team that may be primed to collapse if someone else doesn’t step up soon. And the Wooden Warriors will get a chance to see who that player might be on Sunday when Jerry Fritz and the “Tusker Terrors” pay them a visit. The Blitz have been serving up loads of their famous “Gritz Blitz” to BDFL competitors this season, and have pleased as punch to find many of them haven’t acquired enough of a taste to slow them down to any great degree. And don’t expect the Woodskins to choke it down much better before the Blitz leave the reservation Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Bootleggers

The Great Wizardo, having some Irish blood running through his veins in addition to most of Europe, says you can break the Irish into two distinct groups. The regular Irish and the supposedly more upwardly mobile “lace curtain” Irish with the difference being the latter pulls the lace curtains in the kitchen before urinating in the sink. Now why does the Wizardo think it important for his legions of fans to hear this fascinating tale? Well, he’s glad you asked. The Wizard says neither group appears to be particularly high up the food chain, though not hear them tell it, and thinks you can group them with the “Helena EuroTrash” and the “Canton Ambulance Chasers” under the same tent. Neither team can claim much of a BDFL tradition, but have fought tooth and nail for the less coveted “King of the Dip$h!t$” award that goes to the best of the rest in the BDFL. That being said, the Slovaks have quietly moved themselves into convention in recent weeks and appear poised to move up in the world a bit, and the Wizard says the Bootleggers won’t do much to keep them down. Somebody pull the lace curtains!

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Cheetahs vs. Dogs

It was a “dog day afternoon” in Week Eight for Mark Burr and his “Coalburg Canines” after they exploded for 53 points, a crushing vict'ry, promptly put themselves atop the Yellow Hammer Division, and thrust their title hopes into rarified air in the process. Meanwhile, the three-time champion “Saber Toothed Tiggers” are coming off a dismal performance yet are still in second place in their division, only a scant five points off the lead, and will no doubt be looking to put the bounce back into their step at the expense of the Dogs in Brookside on Sunday. Both teams combine powerful air attacks with an opportunistic defense and spotty running games, but the Wizard says Darryl Kittle was seen recently near Five Mile Crick Ball Park and will be more than happy to help Butch shut up the Dogs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Grenadiers vs. Power Sleds

Chris Hand and the “Cowardly Cavalry” could only ride to someone’s rescue if the damsels and dudes in distress were behind them because the Grenadiers have been in full retreat all season. Even a Week Eight vict'ry was due more to the schedule maker as the Grenadiers managed to stink up the filed only slightly less than the Mayors. Still, the Grenadiers do have the Commish on their side, and he’s been known to pull a few tricks out his sleeve, especially if the palm he pulls them out with has been handsomely greased. However, Chris may need an industrial size jar of Crisco if he plans to pay off enough of the league hierarchy to stand toe-to-toe with Jack Barnes and the Gray Beard Division leading “Fairfield Freight Trains”, who have been making more than fair share of noise this season. Even ELVO has given up the Grenadiers for dead as evidenced by the 7.5 points he’s layin’ on his own team, but ELVO is still giving Chris more credit than he deserves.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Sloth Monsters vs. Juggernauts

Mike Dismukes and the “Beer & a Burger Boys” came from well off the pace in Week Eight to snatch victo'ry from the jaws of defeat while serving notice that the Sloths are hunting for title number two. Meanwhile, “Allyson Wonderland” has seen her title hopes disappear down a rabbit hole with no real hope of finding them again this season. Still, on any given Sunday a BDFL heavyweight can find themselves on their back taking a ten count if they decide to just roll their helmets on the field and expect everyone to fall over and play dead. Nevertheless, while the Juggernauts aren’t necessarily trying to cultivate something under their noses that grows wild in other people’s backsides, they most likely don’t have the momentum to roll over the Sloths, and will most likely roll over and play dead.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Mayors vs. Gamblers

Politics makes strange bedfellows according to the Wizard, and so does a Week Nine match-up down on the Bayou where Alan Arrington and his “Magic City Marxist” go this weekend to take on Kenny Breal and the “Sin City Sultans of Swat” in a five star match up between two teams with championship pedigrees lookin’ to tack another BDFL title banner up on their respective walls. The Great Wizardo says tellin’ the good guys from the bad when a bunch of gamblers and politicians get together requires a program and a keen eye. Even at that, deciding which side of the law either team falls is pretty much a crap shoot. Nevertheless, with a #1 ranking to protect, rest assured Kenny and the Gamblers will be cinchin’ up their two-sizes-too-tight, fire engine red, polyester softball shorts and tuckin’ in their wife beaters tighter than normal when game time rolls around. However, it won’t be quiet enough as the Gamblers find out their warning track power won’t be enough to top the Mayors.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Woosiers vs. Wildcats

With an unusually and tightly packed group of BDFL competitors (a mere thirty-one points separates 13th place from 1st), two perfect examples of teams that could climb into the playoffs or fall into the abyss in short order clash on Sunday as the “Rocky Ridge Child Cats” see if their nads and their voices have dropped low enough to take down the visiting “Smoke Rise Mat Masters” Sunday afternoon. Tommy Todd is always tinkering with his team and line-up and after the supplemental draft last week hopes he has clicked on the right combination to finish the year in style with championship series berth. A couple of near misses at their second BDFL title in the last several years have been weighing heavily on the Woosiers and they hope to begin exorcising those demons on Sunday. Unfortunately for the Woosiers, they will find the Cats do more clawin’ than jawin’, and that will be just enough to push the Cats over the top and far enough past the finish line to cover the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 35	ELVO 29

Latest Lines

2009 Week 9

OPEN:

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"However, the Wizard senses a let down by the Bullets and predicts they won’t find enough “purdy” mouths to suit their taste and that the pig squealin’ may fall on deaf ears as well"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week II

"...you can break the Irish into two distinct groups. The regular Irish and the supposedly more upwardly mobile “lace curtain” Irish with the difference being the latter pulls the lace curtains in the kitchen before urinating in the sink"help ensure the Blitz is on the fritz.

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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