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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 10

Fighting Slovaks vs. Wooden Warriors

In the Wizard’s mind, which is all that should matter to the BDFL rank ‘n file, Adam Slovensky and the “Ellis Island Immigrants” have largely been a waste of semen this season and have devolved into little more than the poster children for birth control, particularly in recent weeks. Nevertheless, the Slovaks have to finish out the season for their sponsors which includes a trip to the reservation to play the role of the family doormat for Cousin Jaimie and the “Wounded Warriors”, who have had their struggles of late, but clearly have their sites set on a coveted postseason slot despite a tough loss to the Gamblers last week.  After descending on the Slovensky bastion in Brookside for the family barbecue each 4th of July like a horde of locusts, Adam thinks it’s the least he and the Slovaks can do in return. And the Wizard agrees.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Sloth Monsters vs. Bullets

And the sign says long haired, freaky people need not apply, so Mukes tucked his hair up under his hat and proceeded to ask him why. He said “you look like a fine, upstanding young man, I think you’ll do”, so Mukes took off his hat and said “Imagine that! Me working for you”. Sign, signs, everywhere is signs, blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind. Do this, don’t do that can’t you read the sign? And there is little doubt that the “Tri-toed Tree Huggers” can read the writing on the wall that their championship hopes are on the brink unless they win out the rest of the regular season. This in spite of an impressive point total that would otherwise have them in the thick of the pennant race were the BDFL still awarding tainted titles, which fortunately it is not. For the record, it should be noted that Mukes later cut his hair but still didn’t qualify under the “long haired, freaky people” job prerequisites.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Bootleggers vs. Mayors

The Wizard often laments that politics make strange bedfellows, something else the Great One will be proven to be right about when Jon Wood and the “Hillbilly Hooch Haulers” load down the big, black Dodge for the trip down from the Mason-Dixon line to caucus with Alan Arrington and his “Marxist Minions” who may still be celebrating the next wave of socialism that washed over the U.S. after President-elect Barack Obama’s historic vict'ry this past week. Needless to say, over the next four years there is sure to be plenty of celebrating in the bread lines around Red Square (formerly Times Square) and much vodka and week old borsht consumed as Obama “redistributes the wealth” among the people. As the Great Wizardo sees it, socialism worked so many wonders in the Soviet Union, North Vietnam, North Korea, East Germany, Cuba, and the Eastern Bloc, wait a minute…uh…(embarrassing silence)…strike that last statement please. Certain ones in the liberal elite were heard to utter, “Trevor, the matrix is not perfect. And we should never speak of this again.”

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Cheetahs vs. Juggernauts

Butch Neal’s “North Shelby Super Freaks” are most assuredly not the kind you bring home to mother, and they never let your spirits down, at least if you’re on the opposing team in 2008. Although the BDFL’s only three-time champion (untainted titles of course) has gotten used to riding on top in the rough ‘n tumble BDFL, this year has seen the Cheetahs getting rode hard and put up wet regularly by their opponents. While getting their jollies at the expense may be good for the goose, it is not nearly as much fun for the gander, Butch in this case. Nevertheless, Butch and the Cats will make their way to Lincoln on Sunday to battle Allyson Edwards and her “Auto-makin’ Amazons” in hopes that they can salvage some dignity at the Juggernauts expense.  The Nauts have very much been a middle-of-the-road team so far this season yet Allyson still harbors legitimate aspirations to be the belle of the ball at the BDFL “Big Dance” starting in December. However, it is time to pick up the pace on the assembly line because moving day in the BDFL is starting to loom bigger on the horizon. In the end the Cheetahs will try to turn the Nauts’ apple cart upside down, but will find the only thing getting rolled over will be the “Sin Wagon.”

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Wizards vs. Woosiers

Merlin and the “Oz-men” have traveled the yellow brick so far in 2008 on the back of Barry Stephenson’s draft day selections and officially passed the “Bullet Line” of seven wins after a convincing “dubya” in Week 9. Still, in the BDFL you’re never better than your last performance so having a short memory will be a matter of necessity when the Wizards arrive in West Blount to challenge the division leading Woosiers, who also hit the magical seven wins last week. The “Smoke Rise Love Guns” tend to thrive late in the season and in the playoffs and are poised yet again to make a deep run in the BDFL championship bracket. Nevertheless, the Woosiers do have more than a few chinks in their armor, and may well find that the Wizards are more than capable of taking full advantage of each and every one. However, 7.5 points is a lot of points to give, and Merlin will quickly discover Smoke Rise is not close enough to home sweet home Kansas for them to cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Dogs vs. Wildcats

There are few things any meaner than a wet cat, a fact Mark Burr and the “Coalburg Canines" should take careful note of when they pay a visit to Rocky Ridge to face Jerry James and his “Fanged Furrballs” who sit comfortably atop the Yellow Hammer Division with their eyes set on an elusive BDFL title. And the Wildcats, no doubt, have the firepower to make it happen. On the flip side, in describing the fate of the 2008 Dogs, the Wizard think it best to hark back to a time when Brookside resident Darryl Kittle (the Wizard always thought it was Dwight Sloweez instead of Kittle) heard a knock at his front door only to learn that the ceaseless barking by his dog, a disturbance which Darryl evidently failed to notice, was annoying a nearby neighbor. Rather than quiet the dog through any one of a number of disciplinary actions, Darryl jumped straight to the “final solution” by picking up his pistol, walking to the backyard, and promptly shooting his dog. After shooting said dog, Darryl calmly walked back to the front door to tell his neighbor the dog would bother her no longer. Whether the neighbor deemed this to be a suitable conclusion to the disturbance was still unclear at press time. Perhaps it is time the BDFL hierarchy followed suit and gave ol’ Darryl a call to see if he could come over and put the 2008 Dogs out their misery.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Power Sleds vs. Blitz

The Wizardo (all great prognosticators refer to themselves in third person) and his clan rented a house in Pasco County, Hudson, FL to be exact, for roughly 18 eternal months after moving to the state before finally joining the ranks of homeowners again.  During that time in Hudson, a place where there is more white trash than in a New Jersey landfill, the Wizard’s family encountered many strange happenings. Once such event was a morning when the Wiz walked out of the house to welcome another day only to see the neighbor across the street’s car resting in his front yard instead of the driveway. Upon closer inspection it became apparent another car, long since having left the scene of the crime, plowed into the neighbor’s car knocking clean off the driveway and knocking down a tree before coming to rest some 30 feet away. No small feat. The neighbor proceeded to drive around the neighborhood, in an un-wrecked care presumably, to see if perhaps the culprit actually lived within the friendly confines. Surely, the Wizard thought, no one that had perpetrated such a crime would be stupid enough to plow into a neighbor’s car and promptly drive back to their house and park. However, the Wizard forgot to factor in he was now living in the Sunshine State where all kooks go to die, or, more likely, hide from the law. As it turns out the neighbor discovered the culprit’s truck (complete with the appropriate dents and fresh paint) sitting in its driveway. Upon asking the suspect about the incident, the neighbor promptly told the victim someone must have stole his truck, went on a joy ride around the neighborhood, knocked a car 30 feet into its owner’s yard, and than returned the truck to its original owner. The Great Wizardo can only presume the culprit told this with a straight face. The Wizard has no idea of the end result, but he does remember his wife telling him “you better get me out of this #*$% neighborhood…NOW.!” The story has no real bearing on the Wizard’s progostications, he just thought it would be good for the rank ‘n file to take a peak behind the curtain every now and again.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Grenades vs. Gamblers

As the season gets into its second half in earnest, Chris Hand and the “Tennessee All-Volunteer Charade Brigade” is in full retreat after suffering a stinging setback at the hands of the Woosiers. Meanwhile, Kenny Breal and the “Delta Devils” essentially walked on water after being handed what appeared to be their 7th loss of the year by the Wooden Warriors. That is until Kenny called in a few chits to the league front office to get a reversal that lifted them from a crushing defeat to a life sustaining vict'ry. Who says all of the lobbying the Gamblers did over the years down on the Gulf Coast with the Iron Hand went to waste? Unfortunately for Kenny, despite the BDFL equivalent of the “immaculate reception”, the Gamblers will still find themselves teetering on the edge of oblivion when they welcome the BDFL “gift givers” themselves in the form of the Grenades on Sunday afternoon. Record wise the Grenades still have a chance though not the points to make a push while the Gamblers have the points but not the wins to do the same. Both have what the other needs, but since “redistribution” has not officially been ushered into the BDFL just yet, both will likely walk away empty handed. But at least Chris will head back home with a “dubya” safely tucked into his ammo belt.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"During that time in Hudson, a place where there is more white trash than in a New Jersey landfill,... you better get me out of this #*$% neighborhood…NOW!"
 

2008 Wisdom

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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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