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From The Wizard

2009 Week 8

Blitz vs. Bullets

Jerry Fritz and the “Big Pharma Bohemians” went all in with the Philadelphia Eagles and was handsomely rewarded with a 24 point explosion that carried them to vict'ry while also putting a little wind back in the sails of what had been a flagging season, and if the “Gritz Blitz” is to have a similar impact on Sunday against Bullet and the “Saturday Night Specials” at Trey Pettimore Stadium in Benton, they had best rustle up a mess of eggs, bacon, and biscuits with gravy as well if they intend to leave Copperhead Road with a vict'ry because the Bullets have been known to put away the grub, and seem to have a hearty appetite for “chowing” down on its fellow BDFL competitors if the first half of the regular season is any indication. Nevertheless, blood is thicker than water causing ELVO to give brother Bullet more credit than he deserves. Barring a monster day by Petersen, which can easily happen, the Bullets are something of a “one trick pony”, and it won’t be enough to cover the spread on Sunday afternoon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Mayors vs. Grenadiers

Chicanery, not Sean Connery, is afoot in the BDFL! Despite trading Brady Quinn to the Wildcats earlier in the season, Quinn magically appeared in the Grenadier starting line up this past weekend leading this observer, the Great Wizardo, to question what’s going on behind the curtain in the BDFL ivory tower. Despite the apparent ruse, the “Mid State Militia” decided to run rather than fire when they saw the whites of the enemy’s eyes in Week Seven leading to yet another humiliating retreat in a season where the Grenadiers are so used to turning tail and running, one has to question if they still remember how to march forward. Unfortunately for Chris and the Grenadiers, things won’t get any easier when their fellow Gray Beard Division compatriots, the Mayors, welcome them to Lawson Field this weekend. The “Magic City Teflon Dons” have a “no stick” policy that will leave the Grenadiers shaken and stirred.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Cheetahs vs. Woosiers

When describing this weekends forthcoming debauchery between Tommy Todd and the “Love Guns”, who are well known for the debauchery they’ve imparted on as many members of the opposite sex as possible, and Butch Neal’s “Mattress Dancin’ Madames”, who’ve never met a pole they wouldn’t dance on or slide down, the Great Wizardo thinks Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band described it best when they waxed “I used her, she used me, but neither one cared. We were gettin’ our share. Workin’ on some night moves...tryin’ to lose those awkward teenage blues...” However, while the Woosiers will ring up points at will against the Cheetahs, the type of scoring they’ll be doing won’t show up on the scoreboard leaving them disappointed when the “Sin Wagon” pulls out of town Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wizards vs. Sloth Monsters

The “Pasco Pirates” will drop anchor in Silver Lakes on Sunday to take on division rival Mike Dismukes and the red hot “Woblin’ Goblins” with much at stake as the regular season passes its midpoint. The Wizards are fighting to stay in the playoff lead pack, and are hanging on by a thread at press time, and need a vict'ry to move them within two wins of hitting the “Bullet Line” while the Sloth Monsters will look to keep the hard won momentum they’ve gained over the last few weeks. Merlin says he brewed up a special batch of high potency, five alarm fire Pasco Tabasco to help take out the Sloth Monsters, but may not realize that Mukes and the gang killed off most of their taste buds, and possibly a large percentage of brain cells as well if rumors are accurate, years ago during their many misadventures with Albert Reeves and Mike’s Handy Food Mart. Ultimately, the Wizards cannon fire may cause some damage, but it will not be enough to win, or even cover, once the smoke clears leaving the Sloth Monsters with smooth sailing and the Wizards bailing water.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Gamblers vs. Juggernauts

The Wizard always says that come play off time when the green grass turns to ice and mud, strong ground games tend to decide who sits atop the BDFL throne, but evidently Allyson Edwards and the “JudgeNots” missed that day of school because with a running back stable that includes maybe one legitimate starter, the Juggernauts rely more on boiler plate language, nifty court room tricks, smoke, and mirrors for wins than anything else, something they are beginning to realize as their season begins to go south, and do so at an alarming rate. Meanwhile, Kenny Breal and his “Slidell Sluggers” have begun to strut a bit more recently, decked out in their fire engine red, two sizes too small polyester coaching shorts and matching “wife beater” tee shirts, due to a running attack that is long on depth as the Gamblers are off the bat. That combined with an ageless Favre and a good kicking game have the Gamblers poised to make there most serious run at a title since winning two straight in their inaugural and sophomore years in the BDFL. And the Great Wizardo says the Juggernauts should not be surprised if their encounter with the Gamblers leaves them with incriminating tread marks across their chest and Tahiti blue dots getting tracked in orbit by NASA.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Bootleggers vs. Dogs

Bringing up the caboose of the BDFL train is Jon Wood and his big block Dodge with “Johnson County Sheriff” painted on the side while not too far ahead in a still relatively bunched field sits Mark Burr and the “Fabu-less Free Birds” who despite a gallant 31 point effort in Week Seven, still added another “A.W.” to what must be a house full of them by now. At one point in what is rapidly becoming the distant past, the Dogs were genuine BDFL contenders, but have since faded to such a degree that even keeping pace with the “Hot Dog Sexton Traveling All Stars” appears to be all they can bite off at the moment. Fortunately for Mark and the “Mutts”, the Bootleggers are strictly small potatoes so digesting them should be child’s play compared to the feast at the annual Slovensky clan 4th of July shin dig.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Power Sleds vs. Fighting Slovaks

Jack Barnes and the “Cringin’ Engines” will light the candles on their hot rod for what amounts to a relatively short trip to north Shelby County to take on Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Hooligans” in what amounts to an important match up between two teams going in apparently opposite directions. While the PowerSleds were hitting on all cylinders through the first month of the season, there’s definitely something amiss in the Sleds’ motor over the last few weeks leaving Jack in danger of being parked on pit road with the hood up when the Big Daddy Championship Series commences. On the other side of the coin, the Slovaks were left for dead early in the year yet have suddenly risen from the grave to climb back into the play-off hunt over the past couple of weeks. Nevertheless, there’s plenty of wood to be chopped and stacked on both sides before ol’ Man Winter arrives, and if either expects to resurrect any shot at getting their ticket to the Big Dance punched, they had better put on their Sunday best for this Week Eight clash. While A-Slo fancies himself to be a major rap artist, a dubious claim at best, the Great Wizardo doubts his feet or mouth are fast enough to keep him from getting kicked to the curb by the visiting Sleds.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Wildcats vs. Wooden Warriors

Last week the John Carroll Cavalier freshman team headed south to play Tuscaloosa County only to find out their host was not much more hospitable than the ones at Spain Park the previous week. Nevertheless, Nicholas “Captain Crunch” Hand sparkled in an otherwise dreary defeat by intercepting a Wildcat pass while also contributing an acrobatic catch for a two point conversion as the Cavs tried to mount a furious comeback leading the Tuscaloosa County head coach to remark during his post game press conference that “You can’t stop Nicholas Hand. You can only hope to contain him.” The only other bright spot during the game was when Nick’s dad Jaimie used a last minute sprint and lean at the tape to win the dash to the sideline after leading the team on to the field. An out of breath Jaimie gasped between breaths from an oxygen mask and waving his Cavs towel that “I still got it. Whatever else I ain’t still got, I can still bust through a sign with the best of them. Take that David Mann!” before collapsing on to the bench to be attended by the team physician and given last rights by the team priest. Unfortunately for Jaimie and his “Woodskins”, that race to the sideline will be the only thing they win this week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 31	ELVO 25

Latest Lines

2009 Week 7

MAY (-7.5) @ GRE

WIZ @ SM (-4.5)

BLZ @ BUL (-4.5)

WW @ WIL (-3.5)

CHE (-3.5) @ WOO

GAM (-2.5) @ JUG

PS (-1.5) @ FS

BOO @ DOG (P)

OPEN: CIN, KC, NE, PIT, TB, WAS

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"The only other bright spot during the game was when Nick’s dad Jaimie used a last minute sprint and lean at the tape to win the dash to the sideline after leading the team on to the field. An out of breath Jaimie gasped between breaths from an oxygen mask and waving his Cavs towel that “I still got it. Whatever else I ain’t still got, I can still bust through a sign with the best of them. Take that David Mann!” before collapsing on to the bench to be attended by the team physician and given last rights by the team priest" help ensure the Blitz is on the fritz.

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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