TheBDFL.com                         The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League                               2012

The Bulletin - Week 12

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Week 12 - Nobody (else) Eliminated (yet) from BDCS

“Never-Say-Die” Woodies Continue Surge:

All Jaimie Hand had to do was “urinate on the fire,” and “call in the dogs” this season, and everyone would’ve understood. Afterall, the Black Creek Wooden Warriors were 0-7 in the BDFL, and appeared to be going “nowhere fast,” or at least to the Big Mullet Series. Five weeks later, Old Kawliga & Company have rattled off 5-straight wins and are on the warpath toward the Big Daddy Championship Series. This past weekend, the Tribe scored 40-points on their way to another vict’ry. The Woodies dominated the Wildcats and are now looking for two more wins to reach the Big Dance.

Bullets Put the Slovaks in Their Place:

The Benton Bullets ventured out of the Black Belt in Week 12 and lived to tell about it (and tell about it, and tell about it). The Bullerino sent his forces north until they smelled it, and east until they stepped in it. Then, the Bullets were in “over the mountain,” meeting the Oak Mountain Fightin’ Slovaks and Adam Slovensky… face to sternum. One of the BDFL’s all-time leading franchises – the Bullets – facing the perennial Fantasy Football doormat, the Slovaks; and even though the Slovaks were favored (by idiot ELVO), the Benton Bullets came out with the win, 23-19. The Bullets now have seven wins on the season, putting them above the “Bullet Rule,” but they will have to hope someone above them (in points) falters down the stretch.

“Slovak Half-Second” – Sponsored by ALFA and CTSN:

“In the Fightin’ Slovak’s greatest season in their lifetime, they still can’t beat the Bullets,” said half-Slovak Jerome “Bullet” Hand, following his 23-19 win over the EuroTrash Talkers.

“Slovak Second – Part 2” - Just before Slovaks Loss to Bullets

“Dear Mr. Parks,

On behalf of the Fighting Slovaks I would like to extend my sympathy to you and the Wizards regarding your lack of performance in the BDFL this year.  While the Fighting Slovaks have had "many a poor" seasons, we have never, let me repeat, NEVER been as sorry as your bunch of LOSERS.  My condolences, peace be with you, go find the force, don't quit your day job. BIG A SLO - OUT!”

Woo Crew Over-Powered by PowerSleds:

The “Pucker Factor” has reached “maximum density” for the Smoke Rise Woosiers. Tommy T’s Woo Crew fell to 5-7 on the season this weekend, with a narrow loss to the Fairfield PowerSleds. Mad Jack’s “Mean Machine” held serve in the Dolodome long enough to notch a critical 22-16 vict’ry over the Woosiers. It was critical because it gets the Sleds to 6-6 on the season, and just one-win away from qualifying for the BDCS. As for the Woo Crew, they now have their backs to the wall and must win two-straight to avoid the “Loser’s Bracket” of the Big Mullet Series.

Juggernauts Soar to 7^th Win by Whipping the Wizards:

The Jugtown Juggernauts are in a pretty good position after 12-weeks of action in the BDFL. A.E.’s “Bunch of Girls” climbed over the “Bullet Rule” restrictions with a convincing, sound, and complete vict’ry over the Pasco County Wizards. In fact, it was just one-point short of an A.W.; Nauts 37 – Pixie Dusters 17. Parks’ team has “long-since” been relegated to the Mullet Series, so they are just “playing out the string,” and considering hiring Gene Chizik to replace the ailing, aging, and heavy-drinking Patrick Fain Dye. As for Allyson, she is looking to race her Honda-powered “Rice Rockets” into the BDCS, and to try to escape the “Null Set Club.”

Commissioner Clunked by the ‘Dillos:

The Commissioner’s hospitality (for the A&M-Bama game) was repaid by the Duncanville Armadillos rather rudely. KP’s “Road Killers” scored “early and often,” in rolling over the Mineral Springs Grenadiers in Week 12. The “Little old band from Texas” can really play some ball, and will be a “force to be reckoned with,” when the BDCS rolls around. As for the Commissioner, his Grenade Brigade has plenty of “wins” to get into the Big Dance, but his point total puts him squarely “on the bubble,” if such a thing (in Physics) is possible.

Break up the Blitz – After they Notch A.W. Over the Gone Gamblers:

The Druid City Blitz was so happy to see the Gulf Coast Gamblers on their schedule they didn’t know what to do. So, they went out and did what so many BDFL teams have done this year: they gave the Dixie Mafia an A.W. The Gamblers are gone. They “mailed it in” Sunday, just like their son’s college team (LCCC) did on Saturday (0-49). The Blitz hammered Kenny B. into submission, 43-10. Fritz will – no doubt – claim the “Big Daddy of the Week” award, while Breal will take home another “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award in Week 12. “Did his son pick this team?”

The figurative Grand Daddy Award this week goes to the Blitz:

In a Mullet Series preview, the Druid City Blitz “showed some fire” in scoring 43-points and putting (yet another) A.W. on the Gamblers.

Dogs Slay Sloths:

The Brookside Dogs are in uncharted waters, at least for their franchise, and the town of Brookside as a whole. Mark’s Mutts took a bite out of the Sloth Monsters this weekend, sending the “Son of Slim” to the brink of despair. The Dogs “lied, cheated, and stole” their way to vict’ry over the Three Toed Tree Dwellers, who are just barely holding on – without plausible thumbs (mind you) – to a chance to get into the Big Dance.

Cheetahs and Mayors Battle in the Geritol Bowl:

“Old men in tank tops, cruising the gift shops; checking out Chicitahs down by the shore,” could be heard in the back-ground on Sunday as the Cheetahs squared off against the Mayors. The Bulletin had to go to press before the Monday Night game, but as of Monday afternoon, it looked like the Sin Wagon was going to be able to hold off the Cronies in the BDFL’s version of the Geritol Bowl, but no. The Mayors get some help from some stuffed ballots and win the election after all.

Quote of the week:

“Whatdda know, an Auburn fan with balls,” Bullet to Danny Blackman on the Quad prior to the 2012 Iron Bowl. Got to give him credit, he came to tailgate with Bullet, Curt Jarvis, Jaimie, Manasco, Belrose, Gaddy, Mike Edwards, Anthony Bishop, and Scott Harp. (And, I think I saw Joe Webber.)

Notables:

Matthew Hand (9) and Jackson Barnes (7) took in their first Iron Bowl on Saturday, a 49-0 vict’ry by the Crimson Tide.

“Pucker Factor” Standings - After Week 12 Games

*Division Leaders

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