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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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The Bulletin - Week 7 From underneath a rock in Media Void
The Bulletin - AWs Everywhere
Woodies Remain Winless – Get “Slobber-nockered” or “Snot-lockered” by the ‘Dillos: “Kick ‘em when they’re down,” said Kurt Prewitt, who smelled blood in the water, when his upstart, rookie, Duncanville Armadillos drew the woeful, winless, Wooden Warriors in Week 7. After a few plays, Old Kawliga’s facemask was covered with a mucus-like substance, his helmet had sod stuck in places, and his football pants had wet sand in the crotch (aka True Grit). It was like he received an industrial “whammy.” Not only did the Black Creek Wooden Warriors fall to 0-7 in BDFL action, they got an A.W. put on ‘em by a former roommate. Prewitt – who looks like anything but a rookie – turned the Tribe “every which way but loose.” The “Road Killers” are now atop the Rugged Red Neck Division, and look to be serious contenders for the ultimate fantasy football prize, the greatest trophy ever converted from an old football helmet, The Grand Daddy.
Dixie Mafia Suffers ANOTHER A.W. to the Slovaks: There are A.W.’s – and, there are A.W.’s. The Fighting Slovaks – who have a lot of “fight” in ‘em this year – are specialists when it comes to going up against the Gulf Coast Gamblers. Maybe it is because of the Slovaks hold on Ft. Morgan – a small portion (peninsula) of the scenic Gulf Coast that the Dixie Mafia doesn’t control. There’s a Slovak presence there (see NAIA All-American and WFL veteran Ron Slovensky). They won’t pay “protection money,” nor will they give away any “juice money.” The old story is true that they closed down the old Berry High School as a tribute to ASlo (and his senior class), before the Hoover Bucs took over high school football in Alabama (except for the Prattville Lions pocket of resistance). At any rate, Adam has Kenny’s number, and don’t think that doesn’t stick in the crawl of the “heir apparent” to the Dixie Mafia (if he doesn’t blow his inheritance with more embarrassing losses, like this).
The “Slovak Second” Sponsored by ALFA “Too bad "wit" doesn't win football games. Can I get a witness? Booyah!”
Editorial: Letters to the editor (sponsored by Jim Walter Resources): Dear Mr. Breal, How did that A.W. feel? I'm struggling to remember how many I have administered to the Gamblers. Can you help? It almost feels routine, normal, mundane, almost boredom. I hope you have a good day. Fear the Slovaks, BIG A SLO OUT (Adam Slovensky – concerned citizen – Oak Mountain, Ala.)
Cheetahs Awake from Slow Start, Chalk Up A.W. Over Mean Machine: The unprecedented, four-time, BDFL-Champion Cheetahs looked like they were “sleep-walking” down the runway at the start of the 2012 season. The action from the Sin Wagon around the silver poles was lack-luster at best. Management could tell a difference, the profits were down, and it looked like it was going to be just another sub-par, also-ran, season for the felines. But, Butch Neal hasn’t climbed to the top of the BDFL ladder without some ingenuity. He brought in Mike Price, and soon things were back to “rolling” at Sammy’s. In Week 7, the Riverchase Cheetahs completely destroyed the Fairfield PowerSleds. It was an A.W. – the third of the week. Now, the Cheetahs look poised to chase another title (among other things), while the Mean Machine is left searching for their keys.
Mineral Springs Grenadiers Remain Undefeated – Hold Off Woo Crew: “Too Little, Too Late” for the Woosiers on Monday Night Football, as the Smoke Risers in the Sky became the latest victim of the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. The BDFL Commissioner has obviously master-minded a schedule this year, that has greatly benefitted his franchise. (Not since Bud Selig moved his Milwaukee Brewers to the National League before putting them up for sale, has there been a more-shrewd move by a commissioner.) In Week 7, half the BDFL teams would have beaten the Gut Grenade Launchers, but not the Woosiers. And, the Commissioners’ team is now 7-0 on the season, following the narrow, 20-17, vict’ry chicken-dinner win over the Woo Crew. Just to illustrate how much of a fluke this is, the Grenadiers have the lowest point-total in the Gray Beard Division.
Wizards Get Thorax Crushed by Grip of Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers: Jaimie may be 0-7, but Parks is trying to keep pace. The awful Pasco County Wizards are now 1-6 on the season, after getting crushed by the Sloth Monsters in Week 7. This year (and almost every year), the Pixie Dusters are so bad, that it’s really not fun, to make fun of ’em anymore. They are a cliché. As for the Son of Slim, he’s trying everything to keep his title hopes alive in 2012. He’s changed jobs. He’s changed back to ponies. He’s changed from Copenhagen back to Skoal (or vice versa), and he’s back to carrying a concealed weapon. Fire up the Grenada (that’s a white Grenada, with a yellow canoe tied on top), it could be a fantastic finish for the Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers.
The miniature and figurative Grand Daddy Award this week goes to the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters: Well, it is almost Halloween, and Mukes brought the most beer.
Rice Rockets Edge Bullet’s Chevy Show: “We covered the spread,” said Bullet, who had a “boat-load” bet on his Benton Bullets against the Jugtown Juggernauts. The old Bullerino at least had enough confidence in this team to wager on them. He won the bet. He lost the game. The Rice Rockets roared into Rebel Stadium in Hayneville this weekend, and turned up the heat just enough to make Bullet sweat. Then A.E.’s ‘Nauts notched a one-point win over the suddenly, reeling Bullets. “I’m not making any excuses,” said Bullet. “But, half of my team was ‘off’ this week. The sun was in our eyes half the time, and the referees were blind. Our team is young. We got lots of guys hurt. We’re just snake-bit. These early kick-offs are killing us. It is just not fair.” As for the ‘Nauts, they are bracing for the second-half of the season, and trying desperately to escape the Null Set Club.
Monday Night Gives Dogs Just Enough to Bite Blitz: “What happened? I passed out,” said Mark Burr (President & CEO of Synaflex Rubber and Head Coach & General Manager of the Brookside Dogs). “Going into the Monday Night game it was like 6-to-4,” Dog continued. “But, I knew I had a kicker going, and a couple of players, but I fell asleep. What happened?” The Lead Dog had no clue he had won, one of the most pitiful games in recent BDFL-memory. Dog’s Mangy Mutts scored an 11-to-7 win over the Druid City Blitz, where neither team was lucky to roll a “seven” or and “eleven.” However, Dog will take the win, and when he learned of the results he had an impromptu “pizza party” on the warehouse floor at Synaflex’s central location in Talladega. Jerome Fritz was awarded the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” for their horrible performance in Week 7.
Cats Nip Cronies in OT: It wasn’t pretty (but then what is in the BDFL?), but the resurgent Western Hills Wildcats got a much-needed (like they’re not all needed) vic’try this past Sunday. The Cats clawed the Cronies just enough to force overtime. And, in the extra period, the “James Gang” emerged victorious in this “comeback” season. As for the Magic City Mayors, a perfect 5-0 start has been shot down (just like WVa) the last two weeks, as A.A.’s team has been exposed. And, exposure like this is never a good thing. So, now… the second half of the season begins… and let the best teams win.
Quote of the week: “Let’s see… Jarvis… No Blocks. No Tackles.” – A vintage Coach Bruceism.
Quote of the week, Part 2: “If you swing at that… you won’t hit nothing but a Chicken $#!& pop up.” – A vintage Coach Mortonism.
Notables: Nic Hand returned to action for JCCHS and started in his regular OLB position in a 7-3 loss to Chilton County. “He had 50 tackles,” said proud grandfather Donald K. Hand. |
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