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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2012 |
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The Bulletin - Week 6 From underneath a rock in Media Void
The Bulletin - “Throwback Week” To celebrate “Throwback Week” in the BDFL, the Bulletin is paying tribute to the ‘NFL of Old,’ or what is called the John Facenda Era, up until 1984, when he died. John Facenda was NFL Films “Voice of Doom,” also known by NFL Films insiders as the “Voice of God.” Anyway, this will only work, if you, yourself use the “Voice of Doom” in your head while reading this, and it doesn’t hurt to also have trumpets going off in the background (bum, ba, ta-ba-bum, ba, ba, bahhh, bum… bum, ba, ta-ba-bum, ba, ba, bahhh, bum…) The headlines (in bold) are actually quotes from the Voice of Doom, most from Super Bowls (SB), via NFL Films. The rest is the Bulletin’s tribute to Mr. Facenda. It is also a tribute to Metro Football, Gatorade in glass Stokley jars (with NFL Logo lids), football cards, salt tablets, shimmy shirts, Bartee's, fedoras, UHF TV, sweat pants and toboggans, suspension helmets (like the Grand Daddy), T-bars, U-bars, neck collars, Puma, Spot-Built, Bike jocks, elbow pads, mouthpieces, and Sunday afternoons.
“Dolphin fate lay in the hands of a Dallas defense called “Dooms Day.” (music interlude) Dooms Day measured Miami for defeat.” (SB V) (In Facenda voice, with… dramatic pauses) All eyes… turned toward Mineral Springs in this Throw Back Afternoon in the Big Daddy Football League. Like his NFL counterparts of old… Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue… and Roger Goddell… the man who calls himself, Iron, BEE DEE eF eL Commissioner… Christopher Kenneth Hand… has a team in 2012 to match his intensity as leader of the best fantasy football league in the nation. The Grenadiers remained undefeated this weekend with an old-fashioned, throw-back, vict'ry over the 4-time champion Cheetahs. The Grenadiers are the only 6-0 team in the BDFL.
“John Unitas… but now with his passing arm just a tattered memory… with the fighting heart of a champion and a will to win.” (SB III) (In Facenda voice) The “Son of Slim” topped the “Middle Son of D.K.” in Week Six in the BDFL. Michael Hewlitt Dismukes continued to ride his “elevator-like,” up-and-down season, to a crucial… pivotal win… in a grudge match with Master Jedi… Bullet Hand. The Benton Bullets may have been “out-manned” in this match-up… on paper… but, on the gridiron, the Bullerino’s team fought to the very end, with the tell-tale heart of a champion… only to come up short on the scoreboard, but not in the hearts and minds of those who watched the Bullets battle to the very end.
“Unruffled by the appearance of the Old Master, Joe Namath marshaled his team on a carefully-considered, time-consuming march… that carried the Jets into Colt territory.” (SB III) (In Facenda voice – like his Campbell Soup commercials) The Black Creek Wooden Warriors… a name that conjures up memories of the Minnesota Vikings, and the Buffalo Bills… teams with the grit and desire to reach the Championship Games, only to be turned back by the fickle “twists of fate.” Always a bridesmaid… Old BO-Cephus’ has lost more Big Daddy Bowls than most have competed in. But, this year… the Tribe just can’t seem to do anything right. On this star-spangled Sunday, in the shadows of New Castle, the Jugtown Juggernauts did what Gardendale teams usually do to Fultondale teams… they punched them in the mouth… and watched them “not” get up. The Nauts got a much-needed win, while on this particular day… the Woodies reached a low zenith with a 6th… straight… loss.
“The Frozen Tundra – Lambeau Field” (NFL 1967 Championship Game): (In Facenda voice, with orchestra music in the background) In a game… that was more than “just a game,” the rag-tag Western Hills Wildcats – who disappeared completely from the fantasy football world in 2011 – have returned with a vengeance this season… they… are playing like felines that have a new lease on life. On Sunday, on a sun-drenched Gulf Coast… tourism afternoon… the Cats proved their meddle by standing toe-to-toe with the Dixie Mafia… and “dealing” the Gamblers a crushing defeat. It will go into the record books as yet another crushing defeat for the man they call Kenny… Real Deal… Breal.
“Pittsburgh’s forward wall dominated the line of scrimmage by completely obliterating Minnesota’s legendary Purple Gang.” (SB IX) (In Facenda voice) The final score read, Druid City Blitz 26… Pasco County Wizards 6. But, the story on this day at venerable Bryant… Denny… Stadium… in Tuscaloosa was one of pride in execution, of excellence under the spotlight, of exceptional blocking and tackling. It was a perfect example of blocking… tackling… football at its essence. The day belonged to Jerry Fritz, his Red Baron Blitz firing on all cylinders and shooting down enemy Messersmiths… Messersmiths of Merlin. (long pause) For the Pixie Dusters, the defeat was complete and total… with no silver lining for a cloud that may not go away this season for Merlin… this season of Doom… and utter disappointment.
“The Denver offense still needed more restoration work from Norris Weese. What it got instead was a demolition job from the Dooms Day Defense.” (SB XII) (In Facenda voice, with trumpets echoing low) After suffering their first defeat of the season in Week Five… Week Six broke bright and clear for the Magic City Mayors. Gone was the past… gone was the sight of celebration in Mineral Springs… and, gone was the smog of Bur-Ming-Ham. For the Cronies found themselves surrounded by… wide… open… spaces… they found themselves in the homely, hamlet of Hayden… nestled by the mountains of Smoke Rise… and the babbling brooks that flow from Nectar and Trafford. The Mayors responded with one of their best efforts of the season. (trumpets) They broke one off in the home-standing Woo Crew. It was… in the immortal words of Uncle Ray Fields… an @$$-whipping… which in B.D.F.L. parlance… (trumpets) equals…an A.W.
“Jawarski fired hard and low, aiming at a seem in the Raiders zone, that turned out to be only a mirage.” (SB XV) (In Facenda voice, with natural sound – and up-close video of each item/place) Brookside… Bratislava… Cleveland… Pivo… Kielbasa… Nut Roll… Py-gotchie… and Ham… Jednota… the Eagles, aerie 64 in Pratt City, and the venerable V.F.W… these are the things worth fighting for… for the Fighting Slovaks. Carrying their proud immigration heritage with them into battle… with a clear chip on their shoulders… the Euro… Trash… Talkers… made a bold statement this weekend. The Slovaks probed the weaknesses of the PowerSleds… then with military precision… they bomb-barded the Fairfield visitors with everything in their arsenal. When the cloud of smoke cleared… the Slovaks were the clear victors… and, the Mean Machine could do nothing… but, wait… for another day.
The “Slovak Second” Sponsored by ALFA Suspended for one week for lack of sufficient funds. “Fighting Slo's opened up a proverbially can of whoop a$$ on Mr. Barnes!” Hey, how did this get in there?!
“70-Chip was a perfectly executed play, and the image of John Riggins busting through the arms of Don McNeal will last for all time in the memory of the Redskin faithful.” (SB XVII) (In Facenda voice) In an east Texas outpost… that “Time has forgot,” a resurgence has lifted an entire town. Cast out without Fantasy Football for 18-years… the eyes of Texas… and of Duncanville… are on their beloved… ARM-A-DILLOS. This is a team that has set its town on its back. This is a team that has brought honor… and pride… to an animal known for too long… simply as “road kill.” The son of a laborer… a local boy made good… by sweat… and dedication… and a junior college stint… and time at Ala-Bama… learning the intricacies of big time… football. This is a time for the Army of Armadillos… cast off Houston Gamblers and Houston Oiler and Dallas Texans (and San Antonio Gunslinger) fans who have found a team to call “their own.” With the joy of children… at Christmas… they watched Sunday… as their team… the home team… delivered a big win… over the Brookside Bulldogs...NOT.
The miniature Grand Daddy Award this week goes to the Duncanville Armadillos: The upstarts are playing like BDFL veterans, and keeping their mouths shut (except for the quote of the week, part 2, below).
Quote of the week: “Life is a $#!& sandwich, and every day is another bite.” - Attributed to Woo.
Quote of the week, #2 and Part 2: (We liked it so much we put it in here for another week.) “Image is everything,” attributed to Armadillos owner and general manager Kurt Prewitt.
Notables: Grayson Breal (13th grade – son of Kenny “The Gambler” Breal) is now a true freshman at LCCC (Lee County Community College), and one of his teachers, Nancy Bernard (Susan Hand’s sister) says he is a good student, doesn’t make “cow” jokes in class, etc. [Send us your notes on your younger ones, and we’ll add it to the Bulletin.] |
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