Wizardz Winnerz

Wizardz Winnerz is back for another run

Week 9 Wizardz Winnerz...

Grenades v. Freebirds

Chris Hand and his “Dragoon Platoon” love the smell of fresh napalm in the morning saying it “smells like…vict’ry” but the only thing his Grenades will get a whiff of this weekend is kid brother Jaimie’s “Turd Birds” that will likely smell more like $^!&.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.  

Mayors v. Juggernauts

Politicians can’t pass up a chance to stride through a church pressing flesh, lining their pockets and kissin’ babies, and Alan Arrington’s Mayors will be no different when they slip into the back pew to hear Alyson’s “Bible Thumpin’ Baptists” preach the Good Word. However, when they pass the plate, and we Protestants like to pass it at least twice, it will be the Mayors leaving with lighter wallets.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.  

Armadillos v. Bandits

Kurt Prewitt has always taken pride in the old saying of “one town, one ranger”, but Barry’s “East Down & Bound Brigands” have never been fond of staying on the right side of the law. Meaning the closest the “Lone Star Lawmen” will come to hanging anything is when they hang up their collective ten-gallon hats after a Sunday afternoon beating.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bandits.  

Cheetahs v. Blitz

The great and glorious Wizardo, who like Randall Cunningham requires he be referred to as a “legend”, says his three priorities are “Jesus, Elvis and cornbread”, and that the order is subject to change depending on his often-unpredictable mood. And appetite.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.    

PowerSleds v. Wildcats

You never know when something memorable is going to happen. Something the redoubtable Wizard witnessed in a misspent young adulthood while watching a cable access channel (think Wayne’s World) where a local professional wrestler named Wham Wham Wigleow, who repeatedly disavowed his name was a take on the well-known Bam Bam Bigelow, was asked by a truly inspired caller “Have you ever been butt-!#*$^@?”. The Wizard still chuckles when reminiscing about that night with his only regret being no one was there to witness it with him.

Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.  

Bullets v. Dogs

Second to the above was when the Wizard was watching Nirvana perform live on the MTV Music Awards, which rumor has once actually played music videos. At the end of a song the bass player threw his instrument high into the air. Only to misjudge its eventual descent causing him to “catch” it with his forehead. After staggering around the stage, he eventually stumbled off with what the Wizard is sure was a concussion.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.  

Gamblers v. Vulcans

The “Skulkin’ Vulcans” have had plenty of reasons to be in a bad mood during the 2026 BDFL season though they caught “lightning in a bottle” in a Week 8 thrashing of the Blitz. While the Wiz sees the Vulcans onslaught as something of a one-week rumble, it will still be enough to cause the Gamblers to fold like a cheap suit, early and often.

Wizard’s Winner…the Vulcans.  

Bellcows v. Sloth Monsters

Mike Dismukes and the “Groovy Ghoulies” (Wizard’s Note: Does anyone remember a Saturday morning cartoon by that name?) host David Belrose and his “Cud-chewing Bovines” in a matchup of two teams headed in opposite directions. The “Bellcows” coming off a huge week while the Sloths had only a toilet bowl seat to show for their efforts. Still, fortune is fickle in the rough ‘n tumble BDFL and will turn its back on the Bellcows in Week 9.

Wizard’s Winners…the Sloth Monsters.