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TheBDFL.com The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League 2010 |
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Week 9
Juggernauts vs. Grenadiers Could this five star clash be a preview of the Big Daddy Bowl? Based on the results from the first half of the regular season, one could certainly make a strong case so expect Chris Hand and his “Knuckle Draggin’ Banana Eaters” to spend a little extra in the weight room pumpin’ themselves prior to Alyson Edwards’ “DreadNauts” cruising into T-town this weekend. Dreadnaught was the general name given to German battleships in World War I and again in World War II, and were known for their murderous firepower and supposed invincibility on the high seas, which would be an apt description for the Juggernauts heading into Week Nine after largely mowing down the competition through eight weeks of play. Although the most famous of the dreadnaughts, the Bismarck, was sunk by the British early in World War II, the Great Wizardo doubts the Grenadiers heavy artillery will have as much luck with Alyson. Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Power Sleds
When
the mighty
Roman Empire begun to crumble, at least western half of it began
to crumble in earnest during the
4th century A.D.,
the coup de grace was when barbarians, actually Vandals and Visigoths at
different times, were literally at the gates of
Rome before
storming it and sacking the once proud capital. However,
Jack Barnes, his tender ham, and the rest of the “Fairfield
Jackwagons” will feel anything but the terror of the Roman citizens when
Adam Slovensky and his Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.
Blitz vs. Wooden Warriors Jerry Fritz and the “War Mongering Wehrmacht” plan to launch their patented “lightning war” against Jaimie Hand and the “Shriekin’ Mohicans”, the latter of which have had plenty to yell about after a much needed victory in Week Eight kept their play off hopes alive, even if still on life support for the time being. The Wooden Warriors are known for their guerilla warfare tactics, and are not about to get into a pitched battle with the Blitz when bleeding the enemy slowly but surely can pay off just as handsomely. On paper the two teams match up favorably, but with his biggest weapons taking the weekend off, the Great Wizardo says when the Blitz call in their reinforcements, they are likely to find themselves lacking in firepower, leading to a double time retreat back to Tuscaloosa. Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Bullets vs. Wildcats The “Rocky Top Gerrymanders” will be hard pressed to make much headway in redrawing district lines in Lowndes County when Bullet and the “Benton Fat Fellas w/ the Hair Colored Yellow” arrive this weekend. Despite being cooled off a bit in Week Eight, the Bullets have kept their gun sites on a possible division crown and the automatic berth to the “Big Dance” that goes with it, and see little chance that the Wildcats will do much to keep the visitors from shaggin’ the night away in route to the expected “dubya.” ELVO likes the Bullets, but the Great Wizardo is not so sure, and thinks their plea to “gimme’ back my bullets, put ‘em back where they belong” may fall largely on deaf this Sunday afternoon. The Bullets are certainly contenders at this point, but the Wizard says the “Copperhead Road Confederates” have succeeded primarily on the few things they learned from Charlie during their two tours of Nam versus anything of substance, and suspects there’s more sizzle than steak to this bunch when all is said and done. Or, at the very least, not enough meat on the bone to cover. Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.
Cheetahs vs. Bootleggers As a young and impressionable apprentice, the Wizard was asked one time by Curt Jarvis, “International Man of Mystery”, if he had made out with a certain female classmate who shall remain nameless. The Wizard, admitted to kissing said female, and was quite proud at his accomplishment. At least until a sneering Curt snorted, and said somewhat derisively, that he had “kissed on her up at the skating rink” before thereby belittling what the young and impressionable Wizardo thought he had accomplished. What was far worse, however, for the sensitive Wizard to accept was that his flower of perfection had been defiled by another. It was a shocking revelation to the Wizard at the time, and is something that still haunts him to this day, even after years of intense therapy and heavy drug use. What does this have to do with the Cheetahs versus Bootlegger match up you ask? Not a d@mn thing as far as the Wizard can tell, but he still felt the need to unburden himself. Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.
Sloth Monsters vs. Dogs After an impressive victory over the Bullets last weekend, not only does Mike Dismukes and the “Looney Goonies” still own the only winning record in the Greenhorn Division, they are also with mere points of taking over first place outright, making their sortie to Brookside even more important play off positioning begins to intensify. Meanwhile, Mark Burr and the “Jaws ‘n Claws” bunch are quietly putting together a legitimate championship contender that may be poised to inflict some serious damage come play off time, so don’t expect this battle to be decided until well after the lights at Five Mile Crick Ballpark are turned on and the local yokels are well liquored up. Unfortunately for the Sloths, they may find somewhere to “whip at sumbitch in the first place they can find with a beer ‘n a burger” on the way home, but finding a victory will prove a much taller order. Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.
Mayors vs. Gamblers The Great Wizardo says that “politics make for strange bedfellows because a politician will lay down with rattlesnake if someone will hold its head”, and nothing could validate this longstanding Wizard tenet than when Alan Arrington and the “Pork Peddlers” head to the Big Easy to take on Kenny Breal and the “Cajun Card Sharks” on Sunday. While most southern states observe the “blue laws” on Sunday, at least until noon, in the wild and wooly swamps of Louisiana the drinks never stop flowing and allowing a keg to be killed without a back up waiting in the wings is nothing short of a sacrilege. Nevertheless, these Gamblers have not figured out when to walk away or run from the table, and have paid for it in spades through eight weeks leaving them left for dead, all of this in spite of win last weekend that saw their hero, Brett Favre, get his chin split open by the Patriots, and his reputation shredded almost as badly after allegations of boorish behavior with a couple of former NY Jet female staffers. Although at this point it appears the Gamblers are lacking notches in the win column, their point production has been almost as miserable. Still, ELVO will undoubtedly over reach and show his Graybeard favoritism in placing a heavy line on the Mayors. A decision ELVO will soon come to regret. Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
Wizards vs. Woosiers Merlin and the “Goodship Lollipop” managed to find a victory in Week Eight in much the same fashion a blind pig finds an acorn, by rooting around aimlessly in the muck until they get lucky, after getting “outsorried” by the Wildcats, a gift from the schedule maker that managed to keep their play off hopes alive, though barely. Unfortunately for the Wizards, that same approach will meet with a decidedly different outcome if they don’t dial up their game considerably prior to their arrival in Smoke Rise to take on Tommy Todd and the “West Blount Wahoos”, a game that could deal the Wizards’ faint play off ambitions a mortal blow while simultaneously serving as yet another stepping stone for the Woosiers, who all but punched their golden ticket to the “Big Dance” after reaching the magical seven win mark last weekend, thus avoiding the dreaded “Bullet” rule. It’s hard to find many reasons the Wizards could pull another needle out of a haystack this week, a thought the Great Wizardo agrees with wholeheartedly. However, ELVO will once again, as is his wont, over reach and find himself getting chopped off at the knees come Sunday when the only site to see in Blount County is a bad moon risin’. Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.
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The Scorecard
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Week 9 |
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