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No More Undefeated Teams – Just One 0-5 Team (Slovaks)
The PETA Edition of the Bulletin
Bullets Club Blitz, 22-4:
Like
a bunch of “baby seals,” the Druid City Blitz was unmercifully
clubbed to death in Week Five by the Benton Bullets. Jerry Fritz’s
team had rode high into the weekend, with the BDFL’s only
“undefeated record.” But, that came to a throbbing finish at the
“Hands” of Bullerino and his Billy club. The Bullets pounded the
Blitz like wet sand into a over-stuffed railway car outside the ACME
Sand Blasting Company, Inc. When the Benton Bible Belt boys left
Tuscaloosa, they were even with the Druid City Blitz (with 4-1
records), and the 22-4 vict’ry by Bullet had left a lasting
impression on the “Host with the Most,” and it had also left the
bloody Red Baron with Week 5’s “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.”
Woosiers Beat Slovaks (42-26) Like a Yard Dog:
A
week after bowing to the Bullets, the Smoke Rise Woosiers beat the
Fighting Slovaks like an outdoor, “yard dog,” 42-26, up on the farm
in Hayden. The 42-points earned the Woo Crew the “Top Dog” of the
week award in the BDFL. The loss dropped the Fighting Slovaks to 0-5
on the season, and still the only team in all of Fantasy Football
without a win in 2014. ASlo can send out a little hate mail to the
evil, schedule-maker for this one, because Adam’s 26-points was
actually a pretty good total for him, and would have defeated seven
other teams this past weekend. However, the fact remains that the
Slovaks are “seasonally bad,” again this year, and “winless,” and at
this point headed for their personal dog house, licking their
wounds, with their tails tucked between their legs.
Woodies Beat Armadillos (38-19) Like a Rented Mule:
It
used to be that when Kurt Prewitt returned to Alabama, he would
crash with The Hands of Fultondale. However, when he returns to the
state now, he spends-the-night in T-Town with the Commissioner (The
Hands of Tuscaloosa). Now, he can blame it on football games at
Bryant-Denny, or his sorority daughter at the Capstone, but none of
those excuses have ever sit well with old, jealous, Bocephus. So,
Hime’s Wooden Warriors decided to get even with the Armadillos in
Week Five of the BDFL season. Kawliga & Company proceed to beat the
‘Dillos “like a rented mule” this weekend, 38-19, in a game that was
never really that close, and was just 2-points away from qualifying
as an official A.W.
Bonehead Move Causes Dogs Close One vs. Cheetahs:
It’s
things like this that keep a 19-year-losing streak going. Submitted
for your approval: The Brookside Dogs have a pretty good week going
(apparently doing the opposite of every impulse they have). But,
then when Dog makes out his starting line-up for Week 5, he leaves
out Pierre Thomas, who scores 9-points, and Mark’s Mutts lose to the
Riverchase Cheetahs, by 3-points, 35-32. That earns Dog another
loss, and the “Bonehead” of the week award in the BDFL. Meanwhile,
the Cheetah Man is kicked back and grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
enjoying some Meow Mix and a nice, raw, “gutted fish.”
Three Toed Tree Dwellers Top Sleds, 37-28:
Mad
Jack Barnes’ Power Sleds looked like a “deer in the headlights,”
when they ran into a fired-up bunch of Sloth Monsters on Sunday. The
Three Toed Tree Dwellers looked more like “rapid squirrels” in a
hurry-up offense, than just a sorry lot of Tree Huggers in Week
Five. Mukes’ team scored 37-points and sent the Metal Heads home
from the Steel Mills in Fairfield with a giant-sized, Excedrin
headache… and a big “L.”
Gandalf the Grey Guts Grenadiers:
The
mighty wizard of Middle Earth, Gandalf the Grey, got off the couch
in Fieldstown on Sunday afternoon, just long enough to venture past
Jew Hollow, El Derader, and the foot of Lassister Mountain to
Mineral Springs to take on the commissioner “in the darkest depths
of Mordor.” (That’s kinda between Crocker Junction, Dog Town, and
Cardiff.) The Wizards put up 36 big ones to get the vict’ry, but old
Iron could only blame his quarterback, who threw a number of
“wounded ducks,” which led to the Grenadiers being “dead ducks.”
(“At least we didn’t throw a perfect pass that hit someone in
the head in the dead of winter, after they had a root canal.”)
BioCats Treat Dixie Mafia Like Lab Rats:
The
experiment worked perfectly for the Western Hills Wildcats this
weekend. In a less-than-sterile environment, the BioCats were trying
to Breeze into Biloxi, play some Blackjack, see a show, visit with
their family Marine Biologist working on a “beached whale,” (“the
sea was angry that day, my friend”), and still pull out a BDFL
vict’ry over the homestanding Dixie Mafia. “Check, check, check… and
check.” The James Gang shocked the Gulf Coast Gamblers, 28-22… then
they enjoyed a little “roasted pig,” at a Hawaiian luau at the Beau
Rivage that was entirely un-planned.
Bishop Rooks Mayors:
The
Magic City Mayors played unassuming hosts to the back-woods Bishops
in Week Five. The visitors brought a nice bottle of wine and some
cheese to the Cronies as a house gift. Actually, the Mayors had some
“government cheese,” and the Blue Deacons really brought something a
little stronger than Junior Johnson’s Moonshine to the proceedings,
along with a deep-fried bird from the nearby woods of Turkey Creek.
At any rate, the BULLETIN has learned that the Cronies contracted a
form of Mad Cow disease, and could not perform to standards on
Sunday, and were thusly defeated by the Blount County Bishops,
24-18, in BDFL action. “Winner, winner… chicken dinner,” said
Anthony.
This Week in Slovak Lore:
From
the University of West Alabama (formerly Livingston University)
Hall of Fame
Ronnie Slovensky - Class of 1974
Induction Class of 1986
Football
Ronnie Slovensky, a native of Birmingham, Ala., and graduate of
Minor High School was the first kicker ever chosen All-American by
the NAIA when he made 12-of-14 field goals and 26-of-26 extra points
in 1974. He hit 28-of-37 field goals in his career and 64-of-66
extra points. Slovensky was a First Team All-GSC choice in 1974 and
was named NAIA National Player of the Week that year when he kicked
four field goals in a 12-10 upset over number-one Henderson State
College.
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