|
No Heavy Duty B.S. Here
Surprise, Surprise…
Is anyone shocked (or surprised) that there are just three winless
(0-2) teams two weeks into the 2014 season, and their names are the
Fighting Slovaks, the Pasco County Wizards, and the Western Hills
Mildcats? Surprise, Surprise. (More on this trio of “likely losers”
to come in this week’s edition of the “award-winning”* BULLETIN.
Commissioner Cans Cheetahs:
The thing about the BDFL, even after 19-years, is you can still
learn stuff. The BULLETIN staff had no idea that a youthful Butch
Neal was a critical mentor to an even younger, future wolf-back.
Apparently, the Commissioner learned a lot of his stuff from the
Cheetah Man. That explains a lot. It really does. However, in Week
Two, Chris Hand turned “it around and used it against him.” The
4-time Champion was shot down this past weekend in Mineral Springs,
46-35. Now, the Sin Wagon faithful can blame old Iron Hand, but who
they should really blame is the Schedule Maker. Butch’s 35-points
would have beaten all but two teams in Week Two. As for the Mineral
Springs Grenadiers they get to ride the wave of being this week’s
“Top Dog.”
Bullets Upended by Power Sleds:
Maybe the Fairfield Power Sleds will quit whining for a week. The
Mean Machine – still jilted by the new draft procedure – took out
their frustrations on the Benton Bullets. The Sledheads shot down
the Boys from the Black Belt, 21-15. The Bullerino could have won,
if he would have started a different running back. Kansas City’s
Knile Davis came into the game in the 1st quarter for an injured
Priest Holmes or Jamaal Charles or Ed Podalak or the Nigerian
Nightmare and scored two TDs (12-BDFL points). But, Bullet had him
on the bench. That earned the Lowndes County Contingent the
“Bonehead” award of the week. However, the BULLETIN has learned that
Bullet has launched a formal protest with WARTS and Dizzy Dean
Baseball, Inc., to have this decision overturned. It’s not like he
failed to start a starter, and the guy only entered the game because
of an injury. In the opinion of many, this was NOT a bonehead move
by the Bullets. Expect the WARTS machine to reverse its course on
this one, especially after they study all the facts. The BULLETIN
encourages you to check out Dizzy Dean Baseball, National Board
Member, Tommy Todd, at
http://dizzydeanbbinc.org/board_members.htm.
Wooden Warriors Owe Schedule-Maker Big Time:
As the BULLETIN continues with the Hand Brothers, Jaimie got a
lucky vict’ry in Week Two, thanks to a huge assist by the Schedule
Maker. Bocephus drew the lowly, scum-sucking Mt. High Blue Deacons
(no offense, Bishop) in Week Two. The Black Creek Wooden Warriors
edged the Turkey Creek Kids, 13-9. Jaimie – with the paltry
13-points – would have lost to every other BDFL team this past
weekend, including the Wizards, Slovaks, and Wildcats (who are each
0-2). As for Bishop, the Rookie was the only team in all of Fantasy
Football to score in single digits in Week Two, and he earns his
“first of many” Toilet Seat Team of the Weak awards. By the way, or
is it BTW? The Woodies are now undefeated at 2-0, along with the
Sloth Monsters and the (egad) Druid City Blitz.
Blitz Blisters BioCats, 34-26:
Okay, the BULLETIN has already mentioned that the Blitz is
undefeated (2-0), and that the Western Hills Wildcats are winless
(0-2). So, basically the good luck continues for Jerry Fritz’s Gritz
Blitz. He may never make another Miller Genuine Draft, or PPD for
that matter. Congrats to whoever drafted his team; meanwhile the
Mildcats apparently have one foot in Birmingham and one in Boston.
“Gotta love that muddy water.”
Miller Lite Mukes Dominates Tea & Crumpets Pixie Dusters:
With all the surrounding chaos of the Miller Genuine Draft, it went
unnoticed how good a team Mukes put together until the post-draft,
gather up. Then the Son of Slim let everybody know what they could
expect from the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters in 2014. So far, Mukes’
team has lived up to the high billing, starting 2-0. The Pasco
County Pixie Dusters continue to look anemic this season. They lost
by ten to the Three Toed Tree Dwellers and can’t seem to get out of
their own way. Consigliore, Barry K. Stephenson is apparently on the
“hot seat.” Parks is looking at new people to draft for him next
year; Robert McGinty and Ben “Burrhead” Tamburrello are the top two
candidates at this point with Alec Dudchock and Brent Fullwood seen
as outside contenders.
Dogs
Slap Slovaks:
It was “fun and games” all weekend on the banks of the Five Mile
Creek in Brookside this weekend, on both sides of the tracks. The
Burrs and the Slovensky’s had a real Octoberfest, a whole month
early, and there were Butler’s, Gooches, Carroll’s, Tarences,
Meadows, and Pickles on hand for this one. In BDFL action, the
homestanding Brookside Bulldogs ripped the Fighting Slovaks by two
TDs, 31-17. Eventually they ran out of pivo, kielbasa, and patience,
and the party ended, and as previously mentioned the ASlo Slovaks
fell to the bottom of the BDFL with an 0-2 record (cyberspace,
twitter, email, and Facebook have been mighty quiet).
Armadillos Visit to Alabama Proves Fruitful:
The “Little ol’ team from Texas” spent the (USM-Bama) weekend with
the Commissioner in T-Town, and that didn’t sit well with the
jealous Mayors. Then, on Sunday, the Armadillos waltzed – more like
waddled – up to the Magic City and outscored the Cronies, 28-17. The
Duncanville Dudes have a new secret weapon, that to this point, has
NOT been outlawed in the BDFL. It’s a miniature, flying drone,
equipped with a camera. Prewitt flies it over his opponent to learn
of weaknesses, schemes, and cleavages. Mission Accomplished.
Woosiers Go Down in OT vs. Gamblers:
We buried the lead. In the weekend’s best game, the Gulf Coast
Gamblers and the Smoke Rise Woosiers battled in epic fashion. This
one was a fight with no quarter being asked and no quarter being
given (in the South, that’s called “taking no prisoners”). When then
smoke cleared, the only thing that was bloody was the soles of the
two men’s feet. It pained Tommy Todd to crunch the numbers in WARTS,
but the results clearly showed the Dixie Mafia with the longest
scoring play, and thus the 39-39 overtime vict’ry. Both teams are
now 1-1 on the season.
“Let
me introduce you to…” (Part 2)
Anthony Bishop. AB is the owner of the Mt. High Blue Deacons. The
BULLETIN didn’t cover this last week, but Bishop is sensitive. He
was all upset last week when it was reported that he’s NOT from
Gardendale. So, he is. So, yall leave him along. He can take it, but
he can’t dish it out. Jaimie is real, real glad to have him in the
BDFL, otherwise he’d be 1-1, instead of 2-0. And, don’t say anything
bad about Wally, because Bishop and him are really tight, going on
numerous poker, cigar-smoking, lake trips over the past two decades.
Note:
*The BULLETIN has won numerous awards over the last 19-years, but
has routinely turned all of them down. You’ll see no corporate
sell-out ever from the staff at this publication. (Well, there was
that one year where we had some sponsorships from Synaflex Rubber,
Alabama Power, Dizzy Dean Baseball, Otis Elevators, Children’s
Hospital, VanDelay Industries, Honda, and the Crimson Tide Sports
Network. But, when the checks quit coming, and decision was made
rather quickly to abandon that line of work.)
|
