From underneath a rock in Media Void

Week 14: The Early Bird Edition

Dogs Cap Magical Regular Season:

The Brookside Dogs appear unstoppable as the 2019 BDFL regular season ends. The Dogs have done it all this season. Mark’s Mutts have dominated and won from wire to wire. The former Super Banker turned Rubber Syndicate Magnate has steamrolled through the BDFL season, with a final regular season “mark” of 13-1, too many A.W.’s to count, and the top spot in Total Points, with no one else even close. The Dogs will be the Number One seed in the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). The Dogs defeated the Magic City Mayors to close out the regular season. While the Cronies were fleecing taxpayers in Week 14, the Dogs were making arrangements for the Big Dance. It is well documented that Mr. Mark Burr runs the only BDFL “original franchise” that has yet to win the BDFL and hoist the Grand Daddy Trophy. It’s been reported far and wide that the Dogs are card-carrying members of the “Null Set” Club. However, this season, the Brookside Dogs are the “team to beat” as the road to the 2019 BDFL title will go through Brookside, and “going through Brookside” ain’t easy.

Dorians Keep Hope Alive:

The Altadena Dorians began the last weekend of the regular season in limbo. Stephenson – the lawyer – and Stephenson the appointed/merit civil servant knew that it would be a pivotal game for his team. The Dorians dug in and got ready for action. Meanwhile, the Dixie Mafia were freezing their tails off in Green Bay, Wisconsin and apparently not worried about how they closed out the season, because the Gamblers were already on their way to the Big Mullet Series (BMS). The Dorians – with their “pucker factor” at maximum responded with one of their best games of the year. They routed the Gamblers, 35-18, and in the early “exit polls” appear to have locked up one of the final – if not the final – seed in the Big Dance. Mini celebrations are taking place in Altadena Nation, and the realization hasn’t set in that if they indeed have the 8th spot in the playoffs, they’ll have to begin the BDCS in Brookside.

Bellcows Blister the Mean Machine:

The Fieldstown Bellcows got off to a terrible start in their inaugural season in the BDFL. They had no previous experience. David Belrose had not played any fantasy football in college, had no minor league experience, and apparently had not participated in any B-Leagues. Somehow, the Bellcows were granted a BDFL franchise. Early in the season, the Bell Heads got embarrassed. However, they re-grouped and finished the year with a few wins. In the final week of the regular season, they defeated the PowerSleds. It was a devastating blow to the Mean Machine. Jack Slovensky’s team has struggled all season, but they still had an outside shot at the BDCS going into Week 14. But, those faint hopes were dashed as the Sled Heads fell to the Bell Heads in a real “head knocker.”

Duncanville Dominates – Puts A.W. on Freebirds:         

K.P. waited all season to get a shot at the Black Creek Freebirds. It seems that K.P. believed that the F’birds were overrated and he was going to get his Duncanville Armadillos to expose Hime Hand’s team. Well, in Week 14, the ‘Dillos dominated the Freebirds, and proved Prewitt’s hypothesis correct. When the final numbers were added up, it was an A.W. for the “Little Ol’ Team from Texas.” The Armadillos have looked strong all season long and were able to close the season – not only with an A.W. over their rivals – but also to finish with a record of 11-3, and to win the Rugged Red Neck Division, and to lock up the Number Two seed for the Big Dance. As for the Freebirds… they’ll also be earning a spot in the BDCS… and it could be the 7th place spot… and, that would mean that in Round One of the playoffs… they would again be facing the Armadillos. Stay tuned to this website for all of the post-season match-ups, brackets, predictions, algorithms, metrics, lines, and hype for the 2019 BDFL playoffs, and the race for the coveted Helmet O’ Silver.

Grenades Explode & Grenadiers Roll - Put A.W. on Mildcats:   

In another A.W. in Week 14, the Mineral Springs Grenadiers exploded on the Western Hills Wildcats for what turned out to be an epic A.W. It’s true, the Mildcats could not get out of their own way this season. Obviously, the “James Gang” will be in the Big Mullet Series (BMS) to close out the year. But, in the last weekend of the regular season, they were outright obliterated by the suddenly pyrotechnically powerful Gut Grenades. This explosion was heard all over west-central Birmingham. Old Iron has a pretty good team this year, and probably moved up a spot or two in the final total points standings and ultimately a higher seed in the upcoming BDCS, and will enter the post-season as the champs of the Gray Beard Division.

Nauts Bomb Blue Deacons:   

Another team moving up at the end of the regular season is the Jugtown Juggernauts. A.E.’s squadron has had an up and down, roller coaster type of season in 2019. The ‘Nauts have played in the shadow of the Dogs in the Yellow Hammer Division this year. They have choked away some crucial games at times, both inside and outside of divisional play. But, the ‘Nauts will have some momentum going into the BDCS. To close out the regular season this past weekend, the Juggernauts bombed the Heavy Duty Bishop Squad in a game that was never close. As for the HDBS, their defense of their BDFL Championship from a year ago, is officially over as the Blue Deacons have gone from first-to-worst. The Big Mullet Series (BMS) will welcome the Bishops, who will be the lowest seed in the lowest post-season tournament.

Bullets Slide to Sloths:

A promising season for the Benton Bullets suffered another setback in Week 14. The Bullerino was shot down by Mukes & Company. It was not a pretty game between the Bullets and the Sloths… kinda like their Christmas Tree Train that kept coming off the tracks. Mukes ended up having a pretty good team in 2019. In fact, the Sloth Monsters would probably be the 3rd overall seed. However, for quite some time now, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers have been eliminated from the BDCS under the Bullet Rule. It’s a cruel and ironic ending for Mukes this season, as they close the season beating the Bullets, and have more points than all but two teams on the BDFL, yet… the Sloths will NOT strut at the Big Dance… they’ll go be heavy favorites in the Big Mullet Season. As for the Benton Bullets… they fall to 9-5 on the season and will be one of the lower seeds in the BDCS. The Bullets started strong this season, but faltered down the stretch. Now, they’re just hoping to get healthy for the post-season, and try to prove to the world that they can attain the summit in the BDFL.

Blitz and Cheetahs Battle into the Night:

At press time… the Druid City Blitz and the Southside Cheetahs were scratching and clawing. Their game wasn’t that good, but the cat fight was. While the outcome of their Week 14 match-up was being tabulated following the late Monday Night Football game in the NFL, it was obvious the teams were going in different directions as the post-season approached. The Gritz Blitz has had a productive year, and once they cleared the Bullet Rule, they could set their sights on doing some damage in the BDCS. Fritz – it appears – has a contender for the Grand Daddy Trophy and perhaps the first BDFL Championship for his oft-beleaguered franchise. As for the Cheethas, 2019 has been a year to forget. The Sin Wagon has had a ton of injures, they lost all their big rivalry games, they have been accused of playing a soft schedule, and they’ve been disrespected in the polls. You can expect the Cheetahs to come out scratching and clawing in the Big Mullet Series (BMS).

Week 14 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the JrBDFL, the complicated three brackets of four teams each began in cyberspace. There’s like a Championship Bracket, a middle bracket, and a lower feeder bracket and all of the teams get participation ribbons, or trophies. Actually, the champion of the JrBDFL does take home a trophy, or they can take it to school.