The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - By definition means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - Is a ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 13 - Keep On Baggin' - Part One

Wildcats Slaughter Sloths:

In an A.W. of epic proportions, the Western Hills Wildcats defeated the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters, 41-11. That’s a 30-point loss that would probably drop any-given-team out of the College Football Playoff, or the Big Daddy Championship Series in the BDFL. Luckily for Mukes and his Three Toed Tree Dwellers, they had already been eliminated from the prestigious BDCS via a low point total, and the proverbial Bullet Rule. As for the Wildcats, the “James Gang” is already celebrating a trip to the Big Dance. The bashful Biocats have come “out of the lab,” this season and have one of the highest point totals, along with a winning record, and they have already started looking for reservations to the BDCS.

Freebirds Rock Dogs:

Jammin’ Jaimie Hand and his “V-91” buddies (that’s alumni from WVUA, 90.7, Bama Campus Radio, 500 watts of FM Power) continue to rock-n-roll in 2017. The Fultondale Freebirds won a close one in Week 13 in the BDFL, turning away the Brookside Dogs in a game that was tougher than expected for Hime & Company. Mark’s Mutts actually put up a pretty good fight, but were worn out from pulling out a come-from-behind vict’ry for Briarwood on Friday Night, and advancing to the AHSAA State Championship Game this week at Bryant-Denny Stadium. BDFLers are encouraged to attend and pull for Jacob Burr and the Lions to win it all. From newspaper (does that still exist?) accounts: After storming back from a 17-point halftime deficit last Friday to knock off St. Clair County in the semifinals, Briarwood (14-0) is set to face St. Pauls (13-1) in the Class 5A state final on Thursday at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa. Kickoff is scheduled for 7 p.m.

Baggin’ Works – Just Ask Bullet:

Bullet Hand and his sons, Matthew and Milton, pulled out all the stops on Saturday in Benton, Ala. (pop. 51). First they broke out the two-finger, hand salute, to pull for the TCU Horned Frogs, who promptly fell behind 17-0 to the powerful Oklahoma Sooners and Heisman-to-be QB, Baker “the TD Maker” Mayfield. When TCU rallied, the boys went into a “leap frog” cheer. However, it back-fired and the Frogs suffered a large defeat to OU. Then, the Bentonites welcomed the Commissioner of the BDFL to town. They helped Iron load up his Christmas tree. And, caught what they could of the afternoon college games. At night, with their “baggin’ strategy” finely honed, they pulled for a turnover and penalty-filled game in the BIG 10 Championship Game, with an “ugly” unimpressive win for the Buckeyes over the Badgers. The plan worked to perfection. On Sunday, the Benton Bullets held the mighty Tom Brady and Todd Gurley scoreless with “more baggin’ than you’ve ever seen,” and escaped with a huge vict’ry over the Fairfield Powersleds. Mad Jack didn’t even care because he was “so giddy” after the CFP Top Four was announced earlier that day. [ASIDE: in the 70s the Hand kids went to a baseball game at Rickwood Field, and this one dude kept yelling at batters he thought were “begging for a walk.” Except, he yelled: “quit Baggin’!”]

Commissioner’s Grenadiers Gigged by Gamblers:

The Commissioner’s trip to Benton might have brought good luck to Bama and the Bullets, but it was not a harbinger of good fortune for the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. Goodness knows how Chris Hand unloaded the Tree back in T-Town without the help of his brother, Bullet, and nephews: Matthew & Milton. (Although Milton didn’t really help with anything, and was a little miffed with Uncle Commish for tearing up one of his prized Legos) In BDFL action, the Grenadiers were demolished by the Gulf Coast Gamblers in a game that wasn’t near as close as the score would indicate, and the score indicated that the Gamblers killed the Commish. Now, with one week to go in the BDFL regular season, it looks like the Gamblers, Grenadiers, and Bullets are battling for the final playoff spot (smart money is on the Gamblers, hint, hint) with the Wizards also challenging, and the Blitz looking to avoid falling into elimination via the Bullet Rule.

Cheetahs Dump Woo Crew:

In another “snap shot,” of the post-season, it looks pretty clear that the Smoke Rise Woosier are headed to the BDCS, and the Southside Cheetahs will land in the Big Mullet Series. However, in Week 13 action, Butch dumped Tommy T. in a close contest battled out on Valleydale Avenue without each team paying much attention to the football action – or lack thereof. With the way the season has gone for the Sin Wagon, they are just glad to pick up any kind of vict’ry and the Woo Crew can draw a line in the sand, and begin to peak, right… now.

Armadillos Defeated by the Mayors:

It’s the same old song and dance for the Duncanville Armadillos this week: score a decent amount of points and lose by a close margin. That’s literally happened all year for KP & Company, so why should Week 13 be any different. The evil schedule-maker has been out to get the ‘Dillos all season. This past weekend, the Armadillos scored enough points to beat nine (9) other BDFL teams. They just didn’t score enough to defeat the Magic City Mayors (and that’s who the evil schedule-maker had them squared-off against). Prewitt has kept his chin up and plans to visit New Orleans either before, during, or after his stint in the Big Mullet Series. [Note: if Cincy’s D scores in MNF, all bets are off]

Upon Further Review… Blitz Holds off Wizards:

At press time, the Druid City Blitz was winning a weather-delayed game vs. the Pasco County Wizards. The Bulletin has no idea why the game was being held up. It was sunny and seventy in Tampa Town the last time anyone checked the Weather Channel. All that the Bulletin can report at this time, is that the Druid City Blitz had a 32-29 lead on the Wizards based on the “preliminary” WARTS report that was secured and obtained by the Bulletin through a formal FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) request through the diligent work of the law firm of Ribitowitz, Ribitowitz, and Edwards. When the undisputed final score is recorded, it will be posted on the BDFL website on the front page along with other Week 13 scores.

Slovaks and Nauts Battle in The Game that Time Forgot:

At press time… the virtual lock for the “Toilet Seat Team of the Week,” was going to the loser of the Juggernauts vs. Slovaks game. In a game that probably has set back the BDFL years, the Jugtown Juggernauts and the Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks were tied at 3-3. That’s not a misprint. A.E. (of Ribitowitz, Ribitowitz, and Edwards) looked to be the “team most likely to win The Game that Time Forgot,” with a receiver and place-kicker going on Monday Night Football, and the Slovaks with their hay (Three Points) already in the barn. One thing is certain, both of these teams are destined for the Big Mullet Series next week and beyond and could very likely meet in the “Toilet Bowl.”

WEEK 13 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The regular season in the Jr. BDFL is over. However, you kids will have to “sit back and shut up,” and wait for an email to see how things went in Week 13. Remember: it’s good for you. (Again: check your email.)